THE PROCESS OF REVISION

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1 Tidewater Community College Phone: Fax: Writing Center THE PROCESS OF REVISION Revision literally means, re-seeing, or looking at your paper again and again from different angles. There are four steps in the revision process: checking for unity, checking for coherence, checking for the development of your ideas and, finally, editing. Checking for Unity Every sentence in the essay must be clearly related to the thesis statement of the essay. In like manner, supporting details of each paragraph must be clearly related to the topic sentence of that paragraph. An essay has unity if all its parts support the thesis statement and relate to each other. Ask the question, Does each paragraph and sentence relate clearly to the thesis statement? Read the following paragraph and find the two sentences that are not directly related to the topic sentence. Left-handed people have the advantage in baseball and tennis. For one thing, lefthanded batters are in a better position to run to first base. Left-handed first basemen also have an edge. At first base players often field balls hit to the right side of the infield. Of course, left-handed basemen wear their gloves on their right hands, so they catch balls without moving around, the way right-handed players have to. Unfortunately, the lefthanded third basemen does not enjoy the same advantage. In tennis, too, a left-handed player is fortunate. A right-handed player generally has little experience playing a lefty, but a lefty has considerable experience playing a righty. Thus, right-handed players will be more confused playing left-handed players than left-handed players will be playing right-handed players. This fact alone helps explain the large number of left-handed tennis champions. Outside of sports, lefties still face problems with door handles and radio knobs meant to be used with the right hand, with right-handed scissors, and with writing from left to right. Still, in sports, the left-handed athlete has an advantage.

2 Checking for Coherence A paragraph has coherence if readers can see the relationship of one sentence to another and move easily from one thought to the next. A paragraph is coherent if readers can see how the paragraph holds together without having to figure out the writer s reasons for adding each new sentence. Using transitional expressions to connect sentences is one way to enhance the coherence of paragraphs. The following is a partial list of transitional expressions. TRANSITIONAL EXPRESSIONS To Add or Show Chronological Order, Time or Sequence First, second, third, next, then, after, in addition, finally, furthermore, in the first place, last, moreover, during, meanwhile, still, too, as soon as, at the same time, besides, after a while, afterward, as long as, as soon as, at last, at length, at that time, before, earlier, formerly, in the past, since, so far, when, thereafter, until, until now, subsequently To Compare Also, in the same way, likewise, similarly, in like manner To Contrast In contrast, however, on the other hand, on the contrary, conversely, but, although, and yet, but at the same time, despite, even so, for all that, in spite of, nevertheless, notwithstanding, regardless, though To Give Examples or Intensify After all, an illustration of, even, for example, for instance, indeed, in fact, it is true, of course, specifically, that is, to illustrate, truly To Indicate Place Above, adjacent to, below, elsewhere, farther on, here, near, nearby, on the other side, opposite to, there, to the east, to the left To Show Cause and Effect Accordingly, as a result, because, consequently, for this purpose, hence, otherwise, since, then, therefore, thereupon, thus, to this end, with this object

3 Read the following paragraph and fill in each blank with an appropriate transitional expression (1) to contrast, (2) to intensify, and (3) to show effect. All over the country people are swimming, jogging, weight-lifting, dancing, walking, playing tennis doing anything to keep fit. (1) this school has consistently refused to construct and equip a fitness center. The school has (2) refused to open existing athletic facilities to all students, not just those playing organized sports. (3) students have no place to exercise except in their rooms and on dangerous public roads. In the following paragraph, fill in the blanks with suitable transitional expressions. The idea that the number 13 is unlucky is a superstition., it is probably the most widely held superstition there is. In one way or another, it is observed all over the world. hotels everywhere do not have a 13 th floor., their rooms are not numbered with 13. Many people will not have 13 guests at the dinner table. Strangely, there is no single explanation for the superstition. It has many stories behind it., some experts say that 13 was unpopular from the time when people learned to count. By using their ten fingers and two feet as a unit, people cam up with the number became unlucky because it was unknown and frightening beyond 12. In religious circles, the 13 superstition is traced to the Last Supper. In attendance were Jesus and the 12 Disciples 13 in all. Others trace the superstition to the story of the Valhalla banquet in Greek mythology, to which twelve gods were invited., Loki, the Spirit of Strife and Mischief, intruded to make 13. Balder, the favorite of the gods, was killed. 13 in generally regarded as unlucky, the number was considered lucky by the ancient Chinese and Egyptians.

4 Checking for Development A paragraph may be both unified and coherent, but still be inadequately developed. Inexperienced writers can ask themselves a series of questions about an idea that will suggest how to develop it and how to organize the supporting information. How did it happen? Asking how something happens leads to narration, the retelling of a sequence of events, usually in chronological order. How does it look, sound, feel, smell, taste? Detailing the sensory qualities of a person, place or object is the act of description. How can it be illustrated or supported? Some ideas can be developed by illustration or support supplying detailed examples or reasons. What is it? What does it encompass, and what does it exclude? These questions lead to development by definition saying what something is and is not, stating the characteristics that distinguish it from other things. What are its parts or characteristics? Or what groups or categories can it be sorted into? Separating a single thing into its parts is the activity of division. Grouping many things according to their similarities is the activity of classification. How is it like, or different from, other things? Asking about similarities and differences leads to comparison and contrast. Comparison and contrast paragraphs can be organized in two ways: 1) subject by subject, with the two subjects discussed separately, first one and then the other; or 2) point by point, with the two subjects discussed side by side and matched feature for feature. Is it comparable to something that is in a different class but more familiar? This question leads to analogy. Most often in analogy one explains an unfamiliar, complex or abstract class of things with a familiar and concrete class of things. What are its causes or its effects? When you analyze why something happened or what is likely to happen, then you are determining causes and effects. How does it work or how do you do it? When you explain how something works, you explain the steps of a process. This method of development is process analysis.

5 Checklist for Editing 1. Are the sentences grammatical? Is there subject verb agreement? 2. Are the sentences clear? Look for sentence fragments, comma splices, run-on sentences and tense shifts. (Verb tense should be consistent throughout the paper.) 3. Are the sentences effective? Are the sentences varied? Do the sentences avoid words like nice, bad, thing, great, awful and use specific words instead? 4. Is the use of commas, semicolons, colons, periods, and other punctuation correct? 5. Are the sentences mechanically correct in the use of capitals, italics, abbreviations, etc.? 6. Are the words spelled correctly? Adapted from: The Little, Brown Handbook, Scott, Foresman and Company, 1989 and Progressions with Readings, Longman, Copyright for this document is held by the Writing Center and Grammar Hotline of Tidewater Community College, Virginia Beach Campus. It has been written, revised, and/or edited by staff paid to perform that work for the college; therefore, the rights are retained by the college. 11/26/03

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