Student Model: Saturation Report

Transcription

1 Student Model: Saturation Report Female Mud Wrestling Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to KRAZ s YOU ASKED FOR IT. Dave Meltzer reporting live from McChonahay s in Costa Mesa. Tonight, my crew and I are going to broadcast a most unusual spectacle -- FEMALE MUD WRESTLING. Excuse me, sir, would you mind telling the viewers what your occupation is and why you are attending this event tonight? Not at all, he said. My name is Jim Jacobsen and I m a Professor of Psychology at the University of California at Irvine. That s very interesting, Jim. Are you conducting some research? Are you kidding? He smiled as he spoke. I m here for the same reason that most people are here --having a good time. (Shrugging my shoulders ) Well, so much for our system of higher education. Excuse me, Why are you here? A young man with blonde hair, wearing a cowboy hat replies, To watch the chicks wrestle in the mud. You look like an attractive lady. Why are you here? To find a man, honey. In that case, try the blonde with the cowboy hat. Bob Barison, the master of ceremonies for female mud wrestling, enters the room. Bob, over here. From C. B. Olson (Ed.). (1997). Practical ideas for teaching writing as a process at the high school and college levels (pp ). Sacramento, CA: California Department of Education. Reprinted with permission.

2 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Bob Barison, this evening s master of ceremonies. Bob, how did you ever get involved with this crazy event? Well (slight pause), it began about four months ago when I was travelling across the Midwest. I happened upon a little bar in Kansas that was displaying a banner advertising Thursday night female mud wrestling. My curiosity got the better of me and so I decided to stick around and watch. I was truly amazed at the way the girls really put their all into mud wrestling and at the crowd s reactions. I thought to myself that it would go over big in southern California. When I returned to California, I approached a number of bar owners about my ideas, but McChonahay s was the only one willing to listen. We decided to give it a try. There you have it. Business has tripled so far, and there s no end in sight. That s very interesting, Bob. Do you enjoy this line of work? You bet, he answers. Where else can you drink for free, say and do anything you want while the customers scream for more, see beautiful ladies wrestle, and be able to collect a paycheck for it? I have to admit, it sounds great. Thanks for spending a few minutes with us, Bob. The grounds crew, as they are called, start preparing the ring. The ring consists of four foam blocks approximately six feet long and one foot wide that are hooked together by nylon straps to form a square. Inside the square the grounds crew lays some more foam and covers it with plastic. Then the whole area inside the square is filled with cool, slimy mud. A bathtub arrangement is located off to the right, where the girls will be washed off after the match. announcement.) It is time for tonight s main event. (The cameras turn to Bob who is making the Awright! Awright! he yells. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to McChonahay s for a very, very crowded Tuesday night. Let me introduce myself. I am Bob Barison, your emcee for the evening. I will give you folks the play-by-play action until the very end. Are you ready for female mud wrestling? (The crowded starts chanting mud, mud, mud. )

3 Awright! How many of you here tonight have seen female mud wrestling before? (Lots of whistles and yells from the audience.) How many of you are here tonight for your first time? (About half the crowd raise their hands while the rest continue chanting mud, mud, mud. ) For those of you do not know what this is, this is female mud wrestling. We have three different weight categories: the lightweights, the middleweights, and the heavyweights. The lightweights we call the Cream-puff Cuties, the middleweights are called the Middleweight Ms., and the heavyweights are called the Hefty Hunnies. Awright! Awright! the audience yells. This is an audience participation sport. Your cheers, boos, and financial support are all greatly appreciated. Let me give you the rules and regulations of Female Mud Wrestlers Association of Southern California: Rule Number 1 -- The ladies must be in the mud at all times. (The crowd begins whistling and chanting to start.) Rule Number 2 -- The ladies cannot remove each other s clothing. (The crowd begins booing and chanting, Skin to win, skin to win! ) Rule Number 3 -- No scratching, no pulling of each other s hair, and no biting. (Crowd continues booing.) Rule Number 4 -- There will not be any men allowed in the mud (still more boos) unless, of course, they are invited. (Crowd begins whistling and cheering.) Bob yells, Are you ready for female mud wrestling? The crowd screams, We are ready. Skin to win. Is that the best you can do? Are you ready for female mud wrestling?

4 Ladies and gentlemen, to start things off this evening, we will begin with the Hefty Hunnies. (The crowd begins chanting, Here come hunnies; here come the hunnies. ) Bob introduces the challenger for the event. Our first lady is reminiscent of those wonder women, bionic women, and other strange looking chicks --Wild Wilma. (As she enters, the disc jockey starts playing the song by the group Queen, Sheer Heart Attack. ) She makes her way to the ring dancing, taking off bits and pieces of her Wonder Woman outfit until all that s left is her wrestling suit, which consists of a one-piece bathing suit and some dark-shaded nylons. Bob says, Awright, let s have a big hand for the challenger. Now it is a great honor to introduce to you the champion for the past five weeks, Smooth Movin Sam. (The crowd begins chanting, Sam, Sam, Sam. ) As she makes her entrance, the D. J. starts playing the song by Foreigner, Cold as Ice. Sam goes through a similar routine, collecting the money and stripping down. Okay, ladies, in the mud, Bob says to them. Are you ready? Let s count it down -- everyone together. You ve got mud wrestle! Right away Wilma s in trouble. The champ has her shoulders in the mud. She is trying desperately to free herself from the champ s powerful grip. All of a sudden, Wilma throws her legs up and catches Sam around her neck. The whistle sounds. Bob yells, Did you see that? Wild Wilma got out of that mess smooth as silk. Can she upset the champ tonight? We will have to wait and see. Are you ladies ready? Wrestle! Sam charges at Wilma, pulling her power play, trapping the challenger in a full body press between her powerful shoulders and thighs. Wilma doesn t stand a chance. She is down; it s a pin. The referee sounds the whistle. In the second round, Wilma tries desperately to gain some points after that last pin but to no avail. But in round three, Sam is beginning to show signs of fatigue. Wild Wilma is all over Sam, toying with the champ as if she were a rag doll.

5 Bob announces, The champ is in trouble now. Wilma has Sam on her back. She is positioning for the pin It s a pin! (The whistle sounds, signaling the end of the match.) The crowd is going crazy -- screaming, hollering, and throwing dollars into the air. Someone from the audience yells, One more round. Bob asks, How many of you work overtime for nothing? You want another round? Then give these girls some encouragement. Let s see those greenbacks. (The crowd begins to cough up the dough.) Thank you, folks. No, we don t accept VISA, Bob chuckles. Well, that s it for tonight, ladies and gentlemen. We d like to stay for that extra round, but we ve got to get back to the studio. Thank you for tuning in tonight. This is Dave Meltzer, live at McChonahay s for FEMALE MUD WRESTLING, signing off. Dave Meltzer Irvine Valley College