Rapport is fundamental to the collection formula: Rapport - Respect - Impulsion - Flexion

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2 Rapport is fundamental to the collection formula: Rapport - Respect - Impulsion - Flexion Rapport is all about connection. It s where your horse truly believes that you are friend not foe and, even more importantly, that you are family. When your horse knows that you wouldn t hurt him even if you could, he will turn loose to you in a spirit of confidence that is unusual in prey animals in relationship with humans. Without rapport, true collection is impossible because the more you ask, the stronger your relationship needs to be. As a leader you must have rapport, but how you get it with your horse is what this manual is all about. With true rapport there is potential for the relationship to go beyond what is normally possible with horses. Discover the secrets of rapport and natural strategies to earn your horse s trust and friendship Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 2

3 Rapport Collecting your Horse s Heart and the Secrets of Bonding with Horses 1. The Parelli Formula for Collection 2. Rapport 3. Developing Strength of Bond 4. When in Horseville The Importance of Matching 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 3

4 1 The Parelli Formula for Collection Collection is the sum total of Rapport, respect, impulsion and flexion which brings together the mental, emotional and physical. There is only one other element that can take it to a higher level of dignity and partnership: rapport - which collects the heart, establishes the trust in the relationship FIRST. IMPULSION Emotional Collection Controlled forward motion: Go=Whoa Whoa=Go RESPECT Mental Collection Appropriate response to pressure FLEXION Physical Collection Longitudinal, Latitudinal & Vertical RAPPORT Heart Collection Relationship Trust Friendship 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 4

5 In this Mastery Manual we are talking about the FIRST thing: Rapport, relationship FIRST. Establishing rapport is the secret of collecting your horse s heart and putting the relationship FIRST. We can access the greatness a horse s power can offer us while building trust and friendship instead of ruining it. This is not normal. Usually, the more we require a horse to perform for us the greater the risk of ruining trust and respect. It s easy to get direct-line and focused on results and not do enough to balance things on the friendship side. Horses don t care how much we know until they know how much we care. These words were first uttered by Pat Parelli in the 1980 s and have become somewhat of a mantra among dedicated Parelli students ever since. In this manual we ll explore what it takes to care in such a way that the horse knows we care. In studying mastery with horses, it s essential to understand the need for balance. We have to balance friendship with respect. In this Mastery Manual you will learn more about how to develop friendship, trust and confidence. It is the first of the four elements of true collection Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 5

6 Why is Rapport valuable? Rapport (pronounced rapp-or ) is all about relationship, connection, understanding, affinity, and empathy. It is what builds a bond between you and your horse. When a horse feels like this about you, he will fill in where others don t. Without rapport, respect is conditional, impulsion is uncertain, flexion is risky, and true collection cannot be achieved. That s because confidence is a major element of the relationship and it s the thing that is so easily lost the more we ask of a horse. A horse that can t or won t look at you, is reluctant to catch, has emotional problems during training, is afraid of you, things you re carrying (like a stick or an umbrella), or sudden noises is telling you how he feels about being with you. He doesn t feel safe in your presence. When you have rapport you can build trust and confidence. They go hand in hand Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 6

7 When you think about prey animals, it is amazing how domesticated they have become allowing us to ride them, drive them, farm the land, conquer new frontiers, win competitions, and enjoy recreational activities. Millions of horses have gone through the hands of humans, submitting to our will and enduring sometimes-cruel training methods. They complied, did their jobs and the ones who didn t were disposed of. The fact that they have survived and even excelled after 6,000 years with humans speaks of their adaptability. It has only been amongst a very few horsemen throughout the ages that earning a horse s trust is important. This is one of the core values of natural horsemanship to tame and educate a horse by building trust and confidence and without inciting fear. The most important aspect of rapport is to understand it as a part of the entire formula that leads to collection to anything you want to be able to do with your horse. It is usually the single-most important element that distinguishes a horseman from a trainer or expert rider Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 7

8 2 Rapport How is your rapport with your horse? How is your horse s rapport with you? Take the rapport test. What is Rapport? Rapport, most simply put, is a friendly relationship. It involves trust and affinity and is fundamental to a horse s confidence in you. There are 5 areas in Parelli in which we speak of a horse s confidence: 1. Self confidence 2. Confidence in you as his leader 3. Confidence as a learner 4. Confidence in the environment 5. Confidence with other horses In talking about rapport we are especially focusing on #2. So many horses comply. They obediently do what is asked of them but they don t feel a bond or friendliness for the human. But there is something way beyond obedience that we call heart and desire. When a horse really wants to be with you, he puts effort into doing things. He offers things to you. He is more than willing he shows exuberance, enthusiasm. Some horses have had great experiences with humans and they have learned to expect good treatment. Others have had absolutely the opposite. From the first time they were approached by a human it was a frightening experience, and they never forgot it. As a prey animal that is already skeptical of predators, overcoming situations like this is even more difficult so it takes more time, patience, knowledge, savvy and skill. In Horsenality terms, Right-Brain horses seem to be the ones that will be harder to establish rapport with because they are so fearful. However, developing rapport with Left-Brain horses can be just as challenging but in a different way Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 8

9 As people, there are also issues to balance out: some of us are naturally more friendly than others so having a friendship with the horse is important to us. Others are more results oriented and value obedience rather than friendship. The idea is to find the middle ground, where rapport and respect go hand-in-hand. Some of us need to learn how to become more friendly while others have to learn how to ask our horse more without worrying about losing the friendship! How much does your horse like to be with you? On a scale of 1 10, with 1 being prefers to be with other horses, and 10 being prefers to be with you. Put a circle where you would rate your horse Now how about you? How important is friendship in the horse-human relationship to you? On a scale of 1 10, with 1 being unimportant, and 10 being all important to the point of worrying about the effects of your training, where would you rate yourself? Compare your scores. Are you close? What is the effect? What s interesting here is that oftentimes the more you care about the friendship, the less your horse does! Why is this? It s because horses base their friendliness on more than just kindness to each other. They often feel more bonded to a more dominant horse. It can be hard to stop thinking like a human and start thinking like a horse, but that s what you need to learn to do. If you treat horses like you want to be treated, you ll be going down an unsuccessful track. You need to know how a horse likes to be cared for, and in particular this horse. What works for some does not work for others. Take the quiz on the next pages to discover more about situations and tendencies that increase or decrease rapport Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 9

10 QUIZ - Things That Decrease Rapport Do you? Know his Horsenality and treat him accordingly q Yes q No Corner your horse to catch him q Yes q No Push your horse through thresholds (A threshold is a point at which your horse hesitates due to fear or doubt caused by a lack of confidence or preparation.) q Yes q No Pat your horse (vs. rub him) q Yes q No Hold him back when he wants to go q Yes q No Force your horse to do something he s reluctant to do push, spank q Yes q No Incite fear when you play with him q Yes q No Let him get away with things q Yes q No Do things that annoy him (brush sensitive spots too roughly, etc.) q Yes q No Signs of a lack of rapport: Does your horse? Run away when you want to catch him q Yes q No Have trouble coming to you q Yes q No Nip or bite you q Yes q No Kick or threaten to kick at you q Yes q No Try to leave, pull away q Yes q No Brace against you (your leg, hand, rein) q Yes q No Look away from you, can t look you in the eye q Yes q No Get herd-bound (rather be with the other horses) q Yes q No Act barn-sour (rather be at the barn it s really barn-sweet!) q Yes q No Act tense or fearful of you q Yes q No 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 10

11 A lack of rapport can be the result of how a horse responds to his handling as well as how he s been programmed to respond or ill-respond to people in past experiences. This means that sometimes your horse s unfriendliness has been earned by you and sometimes you ve inherited it. Either way, you have the responsibility to clean up the relationship as quickly as possible. Getting to know your horse intimately - his Horsenality, his needs, and learning how to make being with you a positive experience is the number one responsibility you have as his leader. A lack of rapport cannot be remedied with training. It s more about your attitude and approach, the feel you have for the horse. And then it is about learning how - when in horseville - to do as horses do Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 11

12 QUIZ How do you express your affection for your horse? q Hugging his neck or head q Kissing his nose or neck q Burying your face in his neck q Giving him treats q Saying Good Boy! q Stroking him q Spending undemanding time with him q Playing with him, doing the things he likes How does your horse express his affection for you? q Rubs on you q Feels drawn to you, wants to be next to you q Follows you around q Leaves the other horses to come to you q Nibbles on you (grooming you as he does another horse) q Is calm around you q Calls to you q Focuses on you, even when other things are going on How does your horse express his affection for other horses? q Mutual grooming q Is drawn to them q Plays with them, has fun q Hangs out, swishing flies q Protects them from others (like mare does her foal) 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 12

13 Being clear on how to gain rapport with your horse and with horses in general is going to help you enormously. It s what restores order and confidence when things go wrong, and your horse will run faster and jump higher out of heart and desire. Rapport is the forerunner for exuberance. It s a great feeling to earn the friendship and trust of the planet s most discerning prey animal and remember that the amount and quality of mental, emotional and physical collection is determined by the amount and quality of heart collection you have with your horse. True rapport is not easy to get with a horse. You have to deeply understand what is important to them both as an equine and an individual. This manual will open your eyes at to what is important to horses and give you valuable keys to winning and keeping your horse s friendship and trust Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 13

14 3 Developing Strength of Bond How do horses do friendship? Visualize a herd of horses living in the wild. They hang out together, drink and graze together, scratch on each other, give birth together, fight together, defend each other, raise foals together, move and migrate together. They are together through thick and thin and spend a lot of time together all of it. When it comes to humans and horses, we spend relatively little time together and often the time we do have with our horse is demanding time because we want something from the horse: we want to groom, exercise, ride, train him. Even feeding time is based more on the human s schedule of convenience and interferes with natural social-behavioral patterns which can be more unsettling for a horse than complimentary to the relationship. In the Parelli program, undemanding time is the most under-utilized activity because it is so hard for humans to do nothing with their horse. We are goal-oriented and governed by time so unless we are doing something we feel like we re not accomplishing anything. This is where many of our relationship problems lie because we don t do with them what they get in the herd just hang out together. Knowing that, should we be surprised when our horse acts herd-bound, doesn t want to leave the barn or speeds up when he s going towards the gate or home? The friendship and safety of the herd is what he is missing. The secret of bonding Being herd animals, horses bond quickly. It s programmed into their DNA so from birth they instinctively and naturally bond to the large shape next to them, their mother. Dr. Robert M. Miller is the founder of foal imprinting, and since 1982 Pat has had the privilege of spending many hours with Dr. Miller discussing theories and studying the nature and behavior of horses all over the world. They are both fans of each other s work and have traveled and taught together on several occasions in Australia, in France (for the Colloque on equine ethology conducted by the French riding school, the Cadre Noir), in Spain, and at AAEP conventions in the USA. Imprinting happens within the first two hours of birth and Dr. Miller has proven that it does not even need to be another horse for a foal to imprint on it. In his books and articles he shares stories of foals that imprinted on things like a wheelbarrow or manure cart going by, but of 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 14

15 course the most spectacular discovery was the fact that a foal will imprint on a human a predator. He discovered this quite by accident when he found that the foals who needed veterinary attention within the first hours of birth behaved quite differently towards him in future visits. They were less fearful and much better patients even many years later. If you ever get to imprint a foal, you will have the remarkable opportunity to form an amazing bond with that young horse that will last throughout its whole life. Not that this trust can t be ruined, but through imprinting 80% of the horsemanship challenge is won the prey-predator barrier in your relationship is gone. Even if your horse was imprinted by someone else, his innate fear of humans is much less than in a horse that was not imprinted. The majority of horses are still not imprinted at birth for various reasons but this does not mean the horse is incapable of bonding with you. It s just more difficult and it takes more savvy. Sometimes the horse has had terrible experiences in the hands of humans and there will always be that reservation deep down your horse will have trouble forgiving you for other people s sins. Trust is hard to get and easy to lose. Magic still has trouble forgiving me for other people s sins Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 15

16 The most important secret to know is that horses pair-bond within the herd. There will be a stronger relationship between two horses no matter how many others they are surrounded by. The idea therefore is for you to pair-bond with your horse, even if you can t be with him as much as the other horses. His capacity to bond in this way is very strong. Just think of how quickly two horses that don t know each other will bond during a short trip in the trailer together! Bonding is part of safety and survival. Some horses appear to be more aloof. They don t bond with another horse or there are uneven numbers and that horse is the odd one out. In this case, you have an even better chance of being their friend. The importance of dominance games Relationships with horses are built on activities that include more than just friendship. Dominance games are an important part of the relationship and are what makes life interesting and fun for horses. Dominance games are played for two reasons breeding and eating or drinking rights. It is such an important, ingrained element of a horse s behavior that when horses are deprived of the opportunity to play dominance games, they can become emotionally and psychologically affected. Pat calls it perverted, which means distorted, tainted, changed. As an example, many stallions have perverted behaviors because their life is so unnatural. They live in isolation and breed hobbled mares or breeding dummies in a controlled environment no teasing, kicking, biting games that are all part of the foreplay and important to a horse s emotional balance. The need to play dominance games is very strong, no matter how young or old a horse is. The only time it isn t is when the horse is sick or in pain. Many people cannot stand to watch their horse doing battle with others because they re afraid of them getting hurt and this can be somewhat of a concern. In the equestrian environment horses are kept in pastures and don t get to pick their companions which means they have more chance of getting into skirmishes and being trapped in corners. There are no fences in the wild, and horses are very particular about their herd mates stallions will even drive out mares they don t want in the herd! The Seven Games is the most natural way for a human to play dominance games with a horse. They are based on the same games horses play with each other: Game #1, the Friendly Game being the calming and bonding game, and every game after that is about dominance because it s all about who moves who. In horseville, the horse that can cause the other horse to move is the more dominant one. It does not mean being forceful or heavy-handed but it does mean understanding the importance of causing your horse to yield from you, to move away when you ask Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 16

17 Have you ever watched a dominant horse keep the others constantly moving? If your horse is moving you then psychologically he believes that he is the dominant one and worse still, he will not seek friendship with you because he doesn t respect you. Horses are more likely to be friendly with the dominant horse than the other way around. Dominant horses are mostly engaged with being dominant and maintaining that position. A STORY I remember observing the importance of dominance in the relationship between my two horses shortly after I met Pat in1989, when I lived in Sydney, Australia. I had overcome a lot of problems with my horse, Regalo, thanks to finding Pat Parelli in a clinic near my home in At that time I was having terrible trouble with his behavior he was impulsive, over-excitable, tense and at times difficult to control and quite dangerous. Thanks to the Parelli program, things changed quickly. Within hours and days my horse began to trust me and, after about two years, he was feeling very confident around me in most situations. But he still preferred Siren (his boss, my other horse) to me. I had done hours and hours of undemanding time with great results, but it wasn t until I saw how Siren treated him that I got another clue. Pat had always said, Watch what horses do. You ll learn more from that than by watching other people! So on this particular day I watched as Siren lunged at Regalo and bit him behind the shoulder when he failed to move out of the way quickly enough. The next time Siren so much as glanced at him, Regalo jumped forwards. I realized that whenever I asked Regalo to move, he would lean backwards for a moment before he moved forwards. Not so with Siren! The next time I played with Regalo I made more of a game out of it a dominance game. Instead of just expecting him to respond with the judicious use of my phases, I lunged my Carrot Stick and String at him like Siren did, but without moving my feet. He jumped forwards in complete surprise and for a moment was a bit rattled, so I played the Friendly Game until he relaxed again Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 17

18 Regalo had been such a scared and sensitive horse that I had been very reserved in my use of Phase 4 because I thought it would make him more afraid. As I came to see, he had now become quite complacent. He trusted me more. He was calm in my presence, but he was also getting nonchalant. He would move when I asked, but it was on his time. That s not how it works with dominant horses! So once he was calm again, I repeated the request (it was a Squeeze Game). Kapow! Regalo responded instantly and jumped in the direction I pointed. His eye was bright; he was alert and sparky but not afraid. And then he wanted to come to me! This blew my mind because I had expected him to be a bit rattled again and want to keep his distance. I kept on playing, went on to other things but with a different sense of myself. I was more particular; I was firm when necessary and soft when needed. I knew what I wanted and I had higher expectations of his responsiveness. I also had a wonderful Friendly Game to resort to if he got confused or worried. Not only did Regalo s expression and responsiveness improve, the next day he ran to me. Hmmm. How interesting! In trying to understand rapport, it is essential to really understand how horses do it because humans have very different rules. REVIEW Ways to develop strength of bond with your horse: Savvy, the more the better Undemanding time (hang out with Right-Brain horses, graze Left-Brain horses) Imprint training Understand the individual Horsenality and use the appropriate strategies Play dominance games via the Seven Games Make it a game have a sense of humor, act like you are the dominant horse and don t worry about it! Horses cannot tell negative emotion from positive emotion in people. They just feel the energy and it can be disturbing. A worried leader is not going to win their rapport or respect. A great Friendly Game When you re calm, I m calm. You re not afraid of rhythmic motion (stick, hands, string, noise, extreme Friendly Game with anything) and when I start doing the Friendly Game in any form, you know you can relax. Put your heart in your hand and touch your horse with your heart. Horses can tell a lot by how you touch them, how you connect. They can feel what you feel for them. As Pat often says, There is no closer kept secret than that between man and horse Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 18

19 4 When in Horseville... Do as they want to be done by! There is an old saying that goes Do as you would be done by, but in reality, what really works is Do as they would want to be done by. It is erroneous to think that others have the same desires, fears and motivations as you do let alone horses! Given that they are prey animals, what is important to them is, of course, completely the opposite of what is important to us. In the hierarchy of needs, Horses want: 1. Safety 2. Comfort 3. Play in that order. Food can really only be considered a reward when these three are satisfied first. Humans want: 1. Praise 2. Recognition 3. Material things (which includes possessions, gifts, treats, etc.) As a result we tend to project what we like onto our horses using praise, treats, saying their name, giving them a lovely stall, warm blanket, nice leg wraps, etc. etc. As you can see by the hierarchy of needs, none of this means anything to the horse. The best way to get rapport with other people is to do what they do. NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) has studied behavioral elements like this in depth and one of the techniques they teach is match and mirror. Essentially, if you match and mirror a person s stance, gestures, language, tone, pace, breathing, etc., they will feel more comfortable with you and therefore more attracted. Have you noticed how teenagers will dress like the friends they hang out with? Most of us have experienced the discomfort of feeling like a fish out of water, being in the middle of a group of people who are the complete opposite of us they dress differently, speak a different language, are more extroverted or introverted than us you get the picture. All you can think of is how uncomfortable you are and you might even feel threatened and you re the same species! This is one of the barriers between English and Western riders they have different dress, saddles, bridles, bits, etc. And then there s us Parelli people what are those ropes and orange sticks all about? You can t be one of us Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 19

20 Imagine if you were a horse, a prey animal in the midst of predators (humans). We could not be more different if we tried: prey/predator quadruped/bi-ped body language/verbal language and, of course, a different hierarchy of needs as described earlier. In establishing rapport with horses, the primary approach needs to be more like that of a prey animal: Hesitate Retreat and reapproach Approach in wide arcs rather than straight lines And then, the next move is the horse s move: to reach forwards (if you ve done it right) or to leave (if you ve scared him). You have to do whatever it takes to help a horse feel safe and comfortable around you and if the horse needs to move away, don t trap him allow him to drift a little by letting the rope slide through your hand and gradually slowing it down. Once you get a horse s confidence and he feels comfortable with you, you will now be in the play phase (#3), and this means playing physical dominance games as in the Seven Games. But if you dominate a horse before he feels safe with you, you will lose rapport and respect instead of build it. Something of great value here is the savvy of Horsenality. Although they are all horses, they have different Horsenalities much like we have different personalities: Some of us are more extroverted and outgoing, while others of us are more introverted and reserved. Some of us are naturally more unconfident (Right-Brain) while others are more confident (Left-Brain). Horses fit into these same categories. After observing Pat Parelli with horses since 1989, and having the privilege of being able to ask him questions constantly, I began to understand how Pat reads horses as individuals and flexes his approach accordingly. One of the biggest differences I observed was that other trainers/ experts tended to treat all horses the same and blamed the horse when their techniques did not work or the horse had trouble. One of my favorite sayings as a result is It s not the horse. The horse was fine until we showed up! 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 20

21 As a result of marrying this realization with knowledge from my past as an educator, I was able to design the Horsenality Profile to enable students like you to chart your horse and understand more about him as an individual. In order to gain a higher level of rapport with your horse, you MUST know what is important to him from the point of view of his Horsenality. If you don t know what he likes or values, it will be hard to build rapport and connection with that particular horse. That s why some people are naturally better with some Horsenalities and find others more challenging, an extroverted human with an introverted horse for instance. Left-Brain Extrovert Play with me! Come on PLAY! Give me something interesting to do use my energy, let s have fun!!! Or else I ll have fun at your expense. How about a buck? Or a nip? Or how about I just drag you over to where I d rather be?!!! Undemanding time does not build rapport play time does! Encourage his ideas instead of trying to channel his energy or shut him down. Saying no-no-no will bring you an argument and he s good at that! Right-Brain Extrovert Focus me! Give me leadership give me a task to focus on. You need to know how to interrupt my pattern and calm me down. I get confused, scattered and scared easily so I really need a leader, someone who can clearly tell me what to do but doesn t punish me or hold me back. Undemanding time and focused leadership is a great way to build rapport. You need both. Left-Brain Introvert What s in it for me? Give me a reason for why I should do this for you. If we ve only just met, then give me a treat. But if you re savvy, you ll know how to capture my interest by being more interesting than food or I m going to just eat grass and fight you for the privilege. Above all, don t rush me. Ask me the question, pose me the problem, and then give me time to work it out. Undemanding time is valuable, especially grazing time! The way to this horse s heart is via his mind. Slow down and make things interesting with more variety. Right-Brain Introvert Be gentle with me. Can you not feel my fear or distrust? Why doesn t it matter to you? Slow down! Stop! Don t push me! Back off and WAIT until I can think. This could take a while so please wait or I won t trust you. I mean it! And if you wait long enough, I ll probably comply with you but not if you push me. You have been warned, even if it was not me that could tell you. Undemanding time and not pushing /hurrying is a great way to build trust. You ll know it s working when he starts to offer you things and is not so reserved Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 21

22 Match the energy, Mirror the behavior What it takes for other people to accept us is also what it takes for horses to accept us. When in horseville we must do as horses do and, with each individual horse, we need do as they do. When you think about energy as the first thing to match, it immediately causes you to be more extroverted or more introverted according to how the horse is behaving. Extroverted behavior means more movement and higher energy; introverted behavior means less movement and lower energy. Just watch Pat with different horses, you will see that he approaches them completely differently. When your energy is different from the horse s energy, you will break rapport or have a very hard time building it. There are different ways to express your energy and match the horse s energy: 1. How quickly your mind is working. 2. How much mental or emotional energy/tension/excitement is coming out of you even if you are not moving your feet. 3. How you move yourself your feet, arms, eyes, head and body. I have seen people have terrible trouble with an introverted horse simply because they could not calm their thoughts. Their feet were not moving, but the horse could feel the mental energy much like they can feel whether or not the electric fence is on. And on the other end of the scale, an extroverted horse can feel the disharmony and lack of rapport when the human is too slow! Learning to feel your horse s mental and emotional energy is more important than the physical because it s the mind and emotions that move the feet. That s what mastery is all about. In the first instance it takes an understanding of horse behavior and expertise in reading body language, and secondly it takes a high level of self-awareness. Most people are not aware of or able to control their physical behavior let alone their mental and emotional states, but horses are extremely perceptive they can read people like a book Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 22

23 Quick QUIZ How well can you match your horse s energy? Physical energy are you: Quicker q Yes q No q Sometimes Slower q Yes q No q Sometimes The same q Yes q No q Sometimes Mental energy are you: Ahead of your horse s thoughts q Yes q No q Sometimes Behind his thoughts and therefore surprised by your horse s action q Yes q No q Sometimes Just right q Yes q No q Sometimes Emotional energy are you: Calm and able to control your butterflies q Yes q No q Sometimes Nervous q Yes q No q Sometimes Intense q Yes q No q Sometimes Ambitious q Yes q No q Sometimes Insensitive q Yes q No q Sometimes Hyper-sensitive q Yes q No q Sometimes Emotional (easily upset, frustrated, disappointed, angry, etc.) q Yes q No q Sometimes 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 23

24 5 The Importance of Matching Matching the physical Use faster or slower motions with your body and feet to: match the quickness of pace. match the speed or encourage it forwards (on the ground is best!). extroverts need you to move quicker and be more animated at first. introverts need you to move slower and be less animated at first. You ll know you re being successful if your horse gets calmer and has more impulsion: selfcontrolled forward energy. Matching the mental You need to know if your horse is thinking quickly or slowly and if he is even thinking! It s important to know that when a horse is scared, he s not thinking he s emotional and reacting out of instinct. So calmness and confidence have to come first, then you ll be able to play with your horse s mind. Left-Brain horses are thinkers; Right-Brain horses are able to think when they are calm and confident. Introverts are slow thinkers; extroverts are quick thinkers. When you get the introvert s mind, he ll give you his feet. When you get the extrovert s feet, he ll give you his mind. With introverts you need to go slower but mean more be more intense with your concentration and more particular about what you want and how you want it. This is hard to do without feeling critical, but if you let your horse know when he s right rather than get tougher when he s wrong, it ll go just fine. You ll know it s working when your horse focuses on you, asks you questions (by looking at you, ears forward) and when he learns or responds quickly. * *Please note, quickly may still mean a little slower than what you want. Sometimes the speed depends on the horse s individual nature and especially if he is extrovert or introvert. The extrovert is usually quicker Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 24

25 Matching the emotional When a horse is emotional he can be tense, reactive, defensive, aggressive, afraid and even panicky. Knowing that prey animals default to flight from fear, it s important to realize that a horse needs to be able to drift when he s afraid. Otherwise he ll panic. That s what happens when horses pull back, rear, fight for their head, try to take off, etc. They need to run because they re afraid, but somehow they are trapped by a rope, a bridle or a trailer. Instead of holding an emotional horse back, you need to help him release that emotion by allowing or even encouraging him to move. This movement doesn t need to be in a straight line towards the horizon. It can be in circles and then back and forth on the half circle. The repetitive disengagements will help the horse calm down. What you don t want to do is hold the horse back; this intensifies his fear. Through the movement he will release adrenaline and calm down some will take longer than others and that s where you have to match that energy appropriately and for as long as it takes. For example: When the horse is frantic, you need to move energetically and assertively or he won t even know you are in the room! Send him in a circle and after a few laps start asking for a change of direction be firm, make sure he knows you are there and has to respond. Believe it or not, this will help him to get calmer emotionally because he really needs a leader at this point a focused, savvy and effective leader. (A 22-foot Line is ideal length for this, but you may have to use whatever you can in certain situations! Just try to get more than 12 feet in length, but not much over 22 feet or the horse gets too far away.) When the horse is worried and can t stand still, give him a task to do such as put his front feet on something. Moving him and disengaging on the half circles will also be effective. Notice how engaged Pat is vs. more relaxed in his stance in the second photo Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 25

26 When the horse is tense, he is just one bubble off worried and frantic so this is really the best time to respond do less sooner rather than more later! Retreat a little, and move him forwards and a little sideways with a bend in his ribs (partial disengagement). By bending him in Zone 3 it makes it difficult for him to hold the tension. By keeping him moving it disperses the adrenaline yet he does not have to move fast. As you move Zone 3 away, the horse s body curves and the front legs move towards you while the hind legs continue on the circle. At first your horse might be confused but politely and passively persist, releasing when he tries to do what you ask, and keep trying to move Zone 3 outwards. You ll need to keep a feel on the line and release when he gets it drop the stick but keep the feel on the line Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 26

27 Make sure you are pointing the Carrot Stick towards your horse s ribs (and lightly tap or flick with the string if necessary). The position of the Carrot Stick looks a little too far back in the photo from this angle - you want to point towards the front of the ribcage, several inches behind the elbow like where your girth would sit. When your horse has done this several times and understands what you want, you won t need to keep the feel on the line. You ll be able to do it from some distance and even at Liberty. Note how Emily is flexing her body naturally in the way she wants her horse to do. Once you find it easy at the walk, try the trot Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 27

28 Also, if the horse is an introvert, sometimes just stopping and waiting is enough to relieve the tension because getting the introvert to keep moving may feel like adding pressure instead of releasing it. As for matching the emotion itself, well, you don t want to do that! You have to recognize it and then know how it tends to be expressed. Then you can match the intensity of it with the appropriate physical approach, but mentally and emotionally you need to be calm and focused. If you are afraid yourself, it s going to be hard to provide the kind of leadership your horse needs. Change when the horse changes You need to be able to change the moment the horse changes. The moment your horse slows down, calms down, and loses tension, you have to change too and match the new, lower level or you will break rapport again. As things develop it almost impossible to tell who is calming who: When I m calm, my human is calm. When I m hyped up, my human is hyped up! I think I like them calm!! Pretty soon you are mirroring each other and it s a lovely, harmonious and more consistent mental, emotional and physical state. In closing Gaining rapport with a horse makes teaching him easier. It takes longer to build trust, but everything after that comes more quickly because you no longer have to deal with suspicion, skepticism and distrust, so resistances disappear. The partnership grows and you have more harmony. Horses like to be with horses they like, and they like to be with people they like. You have to become the person your horse really, really likes. Horses run faster and jump higher out of heart and desire. Do whatever it takes to get that heart and desire and constantly build and take care of it Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 28

29 I do whatever it takes to gain a horse s rapport, then his respect, then his impulsion and then his flexion. Sometimes you have to get respect before you can get the rapport, but usually it is the other way. I m ready for either; I know where I m headed. Without taking the time it takes to build rapport I would not be putting the relationship first yet that s what distinguishes the Parelli program. We put the relationship first because it s all about Love, Language and Leadership in equal doses. -Pat Parelli 2016 Parelli Natural Horse Man Ship 29

30 Recommended Resources Horsenality and Humanality Match Report Liberty and Horse Behavior DVD series The Parelli Savvy Club to increase your level of savvy Parelli Campus Intensive Courses For more information, books and DVDs on Dr. Robert Miller s work on behavior and imprint training: The Ultimate Way To Train Your Horse The Mastery Manuals have been written by Linda and Pat Parelli exclusively for Parelli Savvy Club Gold and Silver Members.