Don t expect miracles. Getting used to triathlon (let alone good at it) won t happen instantly.

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1 HOW TO BE A RUBBISH TRIATHLETE - A BEGINNER S GUIDE 1. You re training for a triathlon, not three separate sports. It took me a LONG time to realise this about three years. Training for a triathlon you need to do more than one sport per session whenever possible, even if that means doing shorter sessions of each individual element. Not only does this save time, but it gets you used to the transition from one sport to the other, which is one of the trickiest elements of triathlon and the more you practice it, the better. Coming from a running background, what I first tried to do was to keep the same number of running sessions, then add in the swimming and biking. This had several flaws; mainly that I didn t have time to do anything properly. Not only did I not get much swimming or biking done, but my running slipped as well. Then I happened across a magazine article. It simply said if you are from a running background your running will get slower than before. The penny dropped and I realised that I had to let go of my running programmes and the associated expectations of what my running race times should be. I also had sight of Maria Powell s training plan and that most of her sessions were multi-sports training. She s a bit better than me (ahem) so I thought I d follow her example and see what happened. 2. It will take a while to get used to it. Don t expect miracles. Getting used to triathlon (let alone good at it) won t happen instantly. A lot of would-be runners tell me that they ve tried running by going out 2 3 times for a week, but found that they couldn t get further than the nearest lamppost. You wouldn t expect to pick up a French textbook and learn the language within a week, so why would you expect to learn triathlon so quickly? There will be times when you really don t feel enthused or that you re making progress. If you make yourself go out training at those points, those will be the really valuable sessions that pay off when you get to a race not just because you ll have the confidence of having the training in the bank, but also because they prepare you to be mentally tough and to keep on going through the times when you want to give up. The exception to the above rule is if you are injured. If a part of your body actually hurts (as opposed to aches) STOP and go see a doctor / physio.

2 3. Forget about dignity. No-one, really no-one looks good at the end of a triathlon. And even if you think they look relatively okay, they won t think they do. That s not to even mention chaffing, toilet arrangements, how much your clothing will smell after finishing a race, or the bright red huffing steam engine that I turn into within ten minutes of commencing even the easiest exercise. Or the Clevedon Goatee (ask a sea swimmer). If you are prim, proper and pristine, then the only way that this will be the sport for you is if you treat it as a release valve for getting all the physical ickiness out of your system in one go. Otherwise just bite the bullet, go for it and worry about appearances another time. 4. Start joining club sessions and entering events sooner rather than later. Both of these things will start to seem more and more scary the longer you leave them. If your club is any good, joining their sessions will mean lots of support, lots of learning from others, structured training and a great bunch of friends. If you don t find these, CHANGE CLUBS. By entering an event you give yourself a target and a reason to keep going. And the only way to find out how to train for a race is to do some races. It doesn t need to be a triathlon straight away you could try an aquathlon, a duathlon, or even just a single sport event. If you don t want to fork out a fortune, or just want to see what it s like, join one of the club s practice mini-tris. The brilliant thing about doing your first race is that you are guaranteed a Personal Best (PB) and in your following few races almost everyone sees further improvements that boost confidence and pride. Take some care picking your race talk to other club members about what they would recommend. If you are nervous about how you will do, either do one of our club competitions where you will get cheered on regardless, or enter a big race something like Bristol Triathlon. A big race will improve your odds because it will include a greater range of abilities and there are more people to hide amongst, plus there will be spectators to give you a boost through the tough bits. For women, there is a women only triathlon at the Cotswold Water Park which is reputedly very beginner-friendly. Some of the first races I entered were quite small / fast and it was a little disheartening to be left behind all the whizzy pointy-helmeted people. Trust me when I say that if you have done a bit of training it is unlikely you will come last in a public event. I ve completed probably 200+ races since I was seven years old. Only once have I come last and that was in a winter off-road race on a freezing cold day on the Mendips NOT my forte - with only about 35 entrants all of whom seemed to be very serious fell-runners. I still take some pride in having gone out there and done it others evidently decided to stay at home in the warm. Not to mention the amusement value for my family and friends when for several months afterwards the front page of the race organisers website featured a photo of my backside disappearing into the mists of Burrington see comments about lack of dignity above.

3 5. Become a nerd If you want to improve, take a close look at your race results. Each triathlon is different, but look at how you did against those of your gender / age group and how you did on each of the elements including the transitions. Take note of your successes, then identify your weaknesses and work on them. You might also want to learn some of the following phrases: Triathlon Tosh Translator- in every triathlon one person wins and the rest are left trying to make the best of it by talking cobblers What we say What it means I finished in the top 20 in my age-group I finished 19 th in my age-group (out of 23) and 374 th overall (For the over 50 s) I finished second in my There were two in my age group age-group I was fifth fastest in the bike I am crap at running I was third finisher from my club I was 374 th overall I ve been struggling with a cold all week I haven t trained hard enough I overtook loads of people on the run I didn t try hard enough on the bike There were a lot of former elites racing as I didn t qualify age-groupers and those in the armed forces are basically full-time athletes If I d been 18 months older I d have finished I didn t qualify in the top three in my age-group I did a course PB I ve never raced before The sea was amazingly rough at Burnham I m really not a brilliant swimmer [Courtesy with one exception of Martyn Brunt, The Weekend Warrior, 220 Triathlon magazine]. 6. The loneliness of the long-distance runner triathlete Training for a triathlon can be very sociable. Racing triathlons, especially if you are behind the main crowd, can sometimes be a lonely pastime. You can t talk to anyone whilst swimming; you re not allowed to get close to anyone to chat on the bike (if you are closer than a certain distance this is called drafting and you are likely to get penalised, unless you are over-taking); and by the time you get to the run the competitors will probably be fairly strung out and knackered. Also most races start at around 7am which is anti-social in the first place. This isn t meant to discourage you, but again it s about developing some mental regimes and toughness so you can deal with it. Do some training on your own so you know what it feels like. Learn how to banish negative thoughts, perhaps by reciting a mantra, doing some mental arithmetic or planning your next holiday as you go along. I sing I feel good, I knew that I would by James Brown in my head, or if I m particularly stressed, a sort-of shouty heavy metal version of Greensleeves. Yes, really.

4 7. Kit Triathlon is one of those sports where you can spend masses of money and it s true that to a point you can buy yourself an advantage. Still, I ve been overtaken in races before by people on mountain bikes, so the kit is not the be all and end all. Assuming you have a vaguely passable road-bike, swim goggles etc then the top piece of kit I would advise buying is a tri-suit. For my first year I struggled in transitions fighting to pull on a t-shirt and shorts over the top of a wet swimming costume. A tri-suit saved about two minutes off my times straight away. Reducing a swim, bike or run by two minutes would take an awful lot more effort and training. Tri-suits generally cost about 80, which is a lot. However I got mine in a sale for 20, so keep your eyes open. 8. Research, listen, learn There are loads of people who can and will help you in PAC-TRI. Listen to what they have to say. Jackie for swimming; Pete for cycling & bike kit; Jono for running; Zara for injuries (and avoiding them); Maria Powell for how to be bloody brilliant; Jim for how to be the hippest 70+ year old in the West; Kevin and Neil for general Yoda-style wisdom. If you re in a different club I m sure there will be equivalents. Magazines are helpful sometimes, but I would focus on their training advice and ignore some of the more faddy pseudo-science articles, particularly on nutrition. See the end of this for a whole selection of random tips of the sort that you only pick up from people who ve done this before. 9. No sweat, no gain No pain, no gain is a foolish mantra and will lead to you getting injured. On the other hand, if you re just cruising along in the comfort zone without breaking a sweat, then you re unlikely to get any faster. The only way to swim / bike / run faster is to swim / bike / run faster. That said, if you are scheduled for an easy recovery swim / bike / ride, then make sure that you do take it easy and save your energy to put into the harder sessions when needed. Rest days are part of your training as much as everything else. Try to sort out a training plan (lots of people at the club can help) and follow it. Train specific. There is not much point going out for 20 mile long runs at a 12 minute per mile pace if you are training for a 5k sprint distance run. Run 5 10k at a quicker pace instead and combine it with a bike ride for a brick session.

5 10. Mix it up Allow some variety in your plans. Don t stick to standard training sessions and races all the time try a different distance, a different location, a different terrain. It helps prevent boredom and maybe you ll discover a new talent. I find that muddy off-road runs through are particularly enjoyable, partly because the pressure s off to achieve a fast time. Find a way to fit training in with family activity (go for a day out, then run back; take the family for a bike ride). By the way, also expect a row or at least some grumpiness at home at some point. It doesn t matter how much of a saint your partner is, or how organised and communicative you are, I don t know any triathlete who hasn t had at least a slight falling out with their other half at some point about their training regime and the time it takes up. You re lucky enough to have a partner who joins in? expect a spat when one of you leaves the other behind on a bike ride. It will happen. I can t offer relationship advice, but just don t be surprised when it happens or think that you re the only one. 11. Tri, tri, tri again I have been cursed with a weather jinx this year spoiling my first two efforts to complete an Olympic distance triathlon. Who would have expected a hurricane in August? I finally got some good conditions in September. If it was easy it wouldn t be an achievement, would it??? Reading the weather forecast so you know what to expect is kind of helpful though. 12. How good can you be? How much training do you want to put in? The chances are that you ll be about as talented at triathlon as you have been at other sports. Somewhere in my mind I had this deluded idea that if I was bad at running, bad at cycling and bad at swimming then somehow when they were all tagged together I would uncover a miraculous talent for triathlon. Erm, no. On the other hand, if you re fairly good at one of the sports then chances are that with training you have a chance of reaching the same standard across the board. You may need some specialist input and to work harder on your weak points - many people worry about the swim - but you ll get there eventually. Good luck and enjoy!