NEW GIRL "Clock Block" Written by Nicholas S. Jozaites 28356 N. Cactus Flower Cir. San Tan Valley, AZ 85143
ACT ONE INT. LOFT. DAY. exits her room. The loft is covered with party decorations of mismatched themes. stands on a ladder made up of a collection of laundry baskets, and hammers thumbtacks into a congratulations banner over his bedroom door. Are we having a party? (surveys the room) Reagan wanted to throw a party for her big promotion at work. (climbs down) So being the thoughtful person I am, I told her I d throw it for her. Are those thumbtacks you hammered? I couldn t find any nails. exits her room and starts making coffee in the kitchen. Jess walks to her. Did you know about the party? looks around the loft. Whoa. Whoa like this is another crazy Nick scheme, or whoa like Nick is being a genuinely serious boyfriend? Um. Crap.
2. enters the kitchen. Cece and Jess start wiping down tables and the dishes. Why are you doing my chores? You were told to never do my chores. He grabs Cece s wrist and stops her from wiping the next dish. (CONT D) What are you two up to? Cece drops the dish in the sink. Nick is throwing a party for Reagan and Jess is scared they are moving to the next level. Party? What party? He looks around the room and gasps at the state of the loft. (CONT D) It looks like the party aisle at Dollar General in here. (to Jess) It s Nick were talking about here. The last thing he was serious about was trying to make a universal shoe because he was tired of focusing on the left and the right. leans on the table behind them. Schmidt is startled. (CONT D) Christ, Winston, how long have you been standing there? Winston walks to them and puts his arms around Cece and Schmidt. (to Jess) There is only one way to make sure they don t make it to the next level. (he meets all their gazes) Sabotage. Schmidt snaps his fingers and points at Jess.
3. Jess waves him off. I can pull out my old bag of tricks! I haven t had to break that sucker out in ages. It s about time. No, I m not going to ruin the party. Besides, Schmidt is right. This is Nick we are talking about. Nick approaches them and holds out a stack of cards. You guys want the last few Nick s free massage cards? I figure it s time to get her something a little more meaningful. Jess takes the cards. Nick holds lingerie in one hand and a necklace in the other. (CONT D) Which do you think Reagan would enjoy more? Schmidt looks at Jess whose eyes are wide. He walks away. The jewelry. Cool, thanks. Jess looks back at Schmidt and Cece who are still under Winston s arms. Let s sabotage this shindig. INT. BEDROOM. LOFT. DAY. Schmidt pulls out a bag labelled tricks and places it on the bed. You have a literal bag of tricks.
4. Jess, focus. Schmidt rifles through stacks of papers. Do you really need a bag? I mean, how many sabotages could you possibly need? This is a collection of some of the best sabotages of all time. I don t have time to explain to you how the world works. Winston sits on the bed and grabs a paper. Barn Yard Explosion? Oh, that s a great one. It worked wonders at my high school graduation. Winston tosses the paper back onto the bed. Look, we don t need a bag of tricks. It s obvious what we need to do. Cece, Schmidt, and Jess stare at him. (CONT D) Reagan is expecting Nick to throw a party for her. So we just make sure the party never happens. They all stare at Winston. (CONT D) Nick takes a midday nap everyday. Let s just change his alarm clock, and he will sleep all day. Reagan will come home and think Nick was just being Nick and forgot. Schmidt grabs Winston by his face. You re a genius.
5. We just need to get Nick out of the house. Schmidt raises his hand. Leave that to me. They all leave the bedroom except Winston, who smiles and nods his head in self-satisfaction. I am a genius. Schmidt pushes them all back into the room. We need to have a name. They sit in silence. They leave. (CONT D) Fine, the simple yet elegant name of The Saboteurs it is then. Schmidt walks into Nick s room who is sitting on the floor gluing toothpicks together into the shape of a heart. (CONT D) Nick, let me have the streamers, I ll help you set up. Nick stops and turns to Schmidt. Streamers? I don t have any streamers. What! How can you not have any streamers at a party? I didn t know they were so important. Nick, streamers are the pillar of great party throwing. Get your ass in the car and I ll drive you to get some.
6. Schmidt smacks Nick in the back of the head as he walks past. (CONT D) How could you forget streamers. Nick and Schmidt leave the loft and Schmidt gives a thumbs up as he closes the door behind him. Jess and Cece run into Nick s room. Crap, his alarm is on his phone. Cece pulls out her phone. I ll just text Schmidt to handle it. Winston peeks his head into the room. While they are out, I gotta run to the precinct to see Aly. I ll be back before you can say sabotage. INT. POLICE STATION. DAY. Winston walks into the police station in his civilian clothes. Aly sits behind her desk and types on a computer. Winston sneaks up behind her and grabs her by the shoulders. Got ya! Aly jumps in her seat and turns in annoyance. ALY Winston! You know damn well I ve got a lot of work to do. I can t be playing your games today. She turns back to her computer and types away. Sorry, babe. I m in a tricky mood today. Aly doesn t turn from her typing. Winston looks around the station.
7. (CONT D) So you want to go get lunch, or? Aly stops typing, raises her head, and spins in her chair to face him. ALY Look, I appreciate you coming down here wanting to see me and all, but what I would appreciate more is if you left me alone on the day I told you I had more work to do than Iggy Azalea. Winston snaps his fingers and points at her. Good metaphor. Aly rubs her temples and spins in her chair back to her computer. Winston is still pointing at her. Most of the police officers have stopped what they are doing and stare at them. Winston snaps his finger and slaps his hands together. (CONT D) All right, babe. I ll let you get back to your hard work, I got a few other things I have to do anyway. He keeps slapping his hands together as he walks backwards and out the door. INT. LOFT. DAY. Cece and Jess sit on the couch and watch TV. Do you want some punch? Is it spiked? Jess walks up and smells the bowl of punch and snaps back holding her nose. Yep, definitely spiked. Pour.
8. Jess pours the punch cups and takes one to Cece. So do you think it s possible Nick is maturing? Cece looks around the room. Jess, you are talking about the guy who bought a cake that says my condolences, and Sesame Street cups for a promotion party. Cece holds up a transparent cup with Sesame Street character faces all over it. Yea but Nick is Nick. He may not know how to do a whole lot. He literally knows nothing. But why he does things is what makes him, him. It s not the decorations, it s the party I m worried about. Cece bites her nail. I see your point. She swirls the punch in her cup. She smells it. (CONT D) This punch looks like dirty toilet water. (CONT D) Not that far from the smell either. Jess and Cece take a sip at the same time. (CONT D) Yea, that s terrible. Gross.
9. Cece s phone vibrates and she looks at the screen: Schmidt is calling. She answers. Hey. INT. PARTY AISLE. SUPER STORE. DAY. Nick shops for streamers and Schmidt is tucked away behind a store display. Cece, Reagan is on her way home early. INT. LOFT. DAY. What? INT. PARTY AISLE. SUPER STORE. DAY. I borrowed Nick s phone so I could shut off his alarm and he got a text from Reagan saying she was heading home early. He peeks around the display to get a peek at Nick. (CONT D) You have to stall her. Crap, gotta go. INT. LOFT. DAY. Cece puts down the phone and with wide eyes stares at Jess. Jess takes another sip of her punch and sticks out her tongue in disgust. END OF ACT ONE. Uh, why do I keep drinking it?