Lillenas Drama Presents A.C.M.E. From Gimme Five By Torry Martin Theme: Witnessing with your life Cast: PETE New Christian, friendly, businessman RALPH Well-meaning prayer partner, nice guy, and good old boy Setting: Pete s office represented by a desk and two chairs Props: Small box of three golf balls Breath mints Costumes: Contemporary office wear Running Time: 5 minutes (As the sketch begins, PETE is shuffling papers on his desk in his office. Ralph enters.) RALPH: Hey, Pete, how ya doing? PETE: Ralph! (Walks over to him to shake hands) It s good to see you. RALPH: Yeah, your secretary let me in. I ll bet you weren t expecting your new prayer partner to drop by the office, eh? PETE: Yeah, it s quite a surprise! Come on in and have a seat. RALPH: Thanks, I will, but I don t really have a lot of time. I m on my lunch break. PETE: So, what can I do for you? RALPH: Nothing, actually. I came by here to do something for you. PETE: Oh? And what s that? RALPH: I brought you some props. PETE: Props? RALPH: Yeah, for that business trip you re taking with your boss this weekend. I remembered you mentioned how nervous you were about witnessing to him, so I brought you some stuff from A.C.M.E. PETE: A.C.M.E.? What s A.C.M.E.? RALPH: What s A.C.M.E.? You re kidding me, right?
PETE: No, I ve never heard of them before. RALPH: Wow, you really are a new Christian. Well, OK. A.C.M.E. is an acronym, A C M E. It stands for Advanced Christian Ministry Essentials. They re a witnessing company. PETE: A witnessing company? RALPH: Yep. You can hardly walk into a Christian bookstore without bumping into at least one A.C.M.E. product. In fact, that s where I got these. (Holds up small box of three small golf balls and hands them to PETE) They re a gift for your trip. PETE: Golf balls? RALPH: You said your boss wanted to go golfing, didn t you? PETE: Well, yes, but you didn t have to do this. I m sure the golf course where we re going will have golf balls. RALPH: Yeah, but I ll bet they won t have Christian golf balls. PETE: Christian golf balls? RALPH (taking ball out of box): Yeah, see that gold leaf lettering on them? (Pointing to lettering) What s that say? PETE (reading): W.W.J.D.? Is that a Christian radio station? RALPH: No, Pete, it s another acronym. PETE: What s it stand for? RALPH: Take a guess. PETE: We Want Jelly Donuts? RALPH: Nope. PETE: Wino s Want Jack Daniel s? RALPH (makes buzzer sound): Err! Wrong again. PETE: OK, I give up. RALPH: What Would Jesus Do? PETE: I guess He d probably give up too. RALPH: No! That s what it means! It s a question you re supposed to ask yourself. W.W.J.D. What Would Jesus Do! PETE: Oh. (Beat) But why would anyone need that printed on a golf ball? RALPH: Because that s what makes it a witnessing tool. PETE (confused): I don t get it. RALPH (explaining): OK, it s simple. All you have to do is switch your boss s golf balls with these while you re on the trip.
PETE: Why would I do that? RALPH: I see I m going to have to act this out for you. (Stands up to act it out for PETE) OK, let s say your boss has been golfing with you all day and he s fallen way behind in the score. PETE: I m beating my boss? Wow, I must be a pretty good golfer. RALPH: Not really, but you ve got God on your side. Anyway, it s the very last tee off for the very last hole and your boss s game is riding on this last shot. (Acts out reaching in) He reaches in his bag for a golf ball and suddenly he pulls out one of these! (Holding golf ball) He sets it on the ground (bending down) and when he does, he notices the lettering on it, (imitating boss) Hmm... what s that? So he picks it up to look at it again and he says, W.W.J.D. What would Jesus do. (Picking it up and looking at it) And that s when he s finally forced to ask himself for the very first time, what would Jesus do in that particular situation? PETE: But why would he ask himself that on a golf course? RALPH: Well, maybe it s a tricky shot and he needs to know if Jesus would use a four iron or if He d use a five iron. PETE: Jesus golfed? RALPH: Sure, didn t ya ever hear about the time He got teed off in the temple? PETE: Umm... (Pause) I guess not. RALPH (sits down): Anyway, when he makes the shot and gets a hole in one using this Christian golf ball, who do you think he s going to thank? PETE: Jesus? RALPH: No, you! Then when he thanks you and he kneels down to kiss your feet in gratitude, you get to pounce on him and hold him there and lead him in the sinner s prayer until he cries out, not Uncle... but Jesus! Oh man, it s perfect. PETE: I see. (Beat) I pounce. (Beat) That s nice in theory, but what are the odds that my boss is even going to know what W.W.J.D. means? RALPH: Umm... I dunno. PETE: Well, I d say zilch. Besides, the lettering on these golf balls is so small it isn t even legible. I think I m going to have to pass on these, but thanks for the thought. (Hands them back) RALPH (sighs): OK, then how about using these? (Pulls out a package of breath mints from bag) PETE: Breath mints? RALPH: They re not breath mints, they re Witness Mints! PETE: Let me guess. A breath mint as a witnessing tool?
RALPH: Yep. Here, I ll show ya how they work. You stand here and pretend to be your boss and I ll go over there and pretend to be you, OK? PETE: I really don t have time for... RALPH (interrupting): It ll only take a minute. Ready? Pete (sighs): OK... go ahead. RALPH: Good. (Clears throat and approaches) Excuse me, Mister Boss Man Heathen, sir? PETE: What!? RALPH (explains): I forgot his name. Just play along. (Approaching PETE) Anyway, I couldn t help noticing from way over where I was standing that your breath smells quite rank. PETE (rolling eyes): Oh brother. That s terrible. RALPH: You re telling me? Yep, and cuz you re such a stinky sinner, I d like to offer you a breath mint. (Offers mint) PETE: Gee, thanks. That s awful Christian of ya. And I stress awful. (Pops mint in his mouth) RALPH: No! No! Wait! You didn t look at it first! Ya have to look at it! Spit it out! (Slapping PETE forcefully on the back) Spit it out! Spit it out and look at it! (PETE spits it out in his hand.) RALPH: There! (Pointing to design on mint) See that? PETE: Yeah. RALPH: Well, what is it? PETE: It s a plus sign. (Pause) Oh no! Was this on there before I put it in my mouth? RALPH: Yeah, why? PETE: Cuz for a minute there, I thought it meant I was pregnant. (Laughs lightly at his own joke) RALPH: Quit joking around, Pete. This is serious. Now, stay with me and remember, you re your boss. (Clears throat and pretends to be PETE again) No, that s not a plus sign, ya pagan putz. It s a cross! PETE: Did you just call me a pagan putz? RALPH: Yeah! PETE: You are so fired. RALPH: What? PETE: Well, that s probably what my boss would do to me if I ever called him that. (Pops mint back in his mouth) RALPH: No, he wouldn t. Not right away, anyway. See, since your boss took one
of your Christian breath mints like you just did, that officially obligates him to letting you share the entire gospel message with him before he fires you. PETE: What? The gospel for a breath mint? Ralph, that s a little lame. RALPH: Yeah, but that s how it works. PETE: Well, you know what I d do if I was a real non-christian and you pulled that on me? RALPH: No, what would you do? (PETE spits it out and it hits RALPH.) RALPH: Hey, these are a nickel apiece! (Picks mint up from floor) You d better repent. That s wasting God s money. (Picks mint from floor and pops it into his own mouth) PETE (a little grossed out and reacting): Wow, you take your stewardship pretty seriously. RALPH (crunching on mint): I sure do. I d hate to see anything of God s going to waste. PETE: It s buying this stuff that s a waste of God s money if you ask me. RALPH: What do you mean? You don t want to use it? PETE: No thanks, but I do appreciate the thought. RALPH: But how are you going to witness to your boss if you don t have any props? PETE: I guess I ll just live my life in front of him and let that be the witness. RALPH: Wow. Good thinking, but something like that could put A.C.M.E. out of business. (Looks at watch) Oops, my lunch is almost over. I guess I d better get back to work. PETE: OK. Thanks for coming over, Ralph. It means a lot to me that you did this. You re a real friend. RALPH (with false modesty): Oh, you know, I was just trying to be a good prayer partner. (Getting an idea) Hey! How about if I pray for you while you re on your trip? PETE (smiles): Now, that d be great. In fact, I think that s just about the best idea I ve heard all day. RALPH: Well, whaddya know? I finally came up with something that works. PETE (friendly): Yep. Now, come on and I ll walk you out. (They exit.)
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