PURSES R US. by Dawn E. Conroy

PURSES R US by Dawn E. Conroy

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Purses R Us A sketch for a mother-daughter banquet or tea by Dawn E. Conroy

2 Dedication Dedicated to the Rev. Alyce Weaver Dunn pastor, mentor, friend.

3 CAST OF CHARACTERS Customer (Customer should be very simple in that she represents the average person.) Shop Clerk (Clerk should be rather flamboyant in dress, hairstyle, loud glasses comic effect.) Manager (Unassuming, simple.) PRODUCTION NOTES Our Every Daughter Banquet (because every woman is a daughter and not necessarily a mother) is held on Mother s Day weekend. We usually ask the men of the church to serve, and we fill our social hall. We move upstairs for our entertainment so the men can clean up. We usually have a theme, and when we performed Purses R Us, the theme was what else? purses. We introduced the men as our servers by asking, What if men carried purses? The response was that they already do golf bags, yard bags, sports bags, tool boxes, grocery bags with snacks, etc. The tables were decorated with cardboard purses (gift bags shaped like purses would also work), and the men had the same little purses attached to their belts to hold any tips they might get. The tip money collected is then given to a mission project. Our Purses R Us sketch worked out well in the sanctuary by using a long table covered with purses. One young lady in our congregation is a purse fiend, so most of our decor as well as the purses specifically mentioned in the sketch came from her. I originally wrote this sketch

4 for another church, and they did not have access to the variety of purses we did, but it worked well anyway. With only three women needed in the cast, you will find that this sketch is very easy to pull together for your event. Synopsis A customer tries to buy a purse to hold all the stuff she carries around each day. The Clerk tries to help her by suggesting a different type of bag for each item a shoulder bag to shoulder her many responsibilities, a tote bag for the anger and resentment that she carts around each day, and more, including an attache case, evening bag, backpack, cosmetic bag, fanny pack, hobo bag, and duffel bag. Eventually she is laden with too many to carry! Then the Manager offers her one purse to replace all the others a change purse with a small Bible inside. Setting Purse Boutique. Purses of all types (more kinds than are mentioned in the script) should be placed on tables, hung up, placed on shelves, etc. You will also need a counter (maybe a table) for the Clerk to stand behind and a stool for the Customer. Props Shopping bags, shoulder bag, backpack, attache case, evening bag with flashlight inside, duffel bag, cosmetic bag, fanny pack, hobo bag, tote bag, change purse, small Bible (to fit inside change purse). Sound Effect Tinkle of a bell (Optional announces Customer s entrance into shop).

5 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 (The CLERK is in place behind the counter in a small purse shop. A CUSTOMER comes in carrying shopping bags perhaps the tinkle of a bell rings to signal her arrival.) CLERK: Hello! Welcome to Purses R Us. How may I help you? CUSTOMER: Well, I m in need of a purse. CLERK: (Sarcastic) Noooo. (Then gushing) Well, dearie, you ve come to the right place. We have every purse you could possibly need. We have Gucci, Dooney & Bourke, Guess, Coach, Prada, Versace just to name a few. And of course those by my other friends as well Louis, Ralph, Liz, Christian, Calvin, and Vera. CUSTOMER: Huh? Your friends? CLERK: Oh, dahhhhling. You know Louis Vuitton, Ralph Lauren, Liz Claiborne, Christian Dior, Calvin Klein, and Vera Bradley. CUSTOMER: (Understanding) Oh (Incredulously) Those people are your friends? CLERK: In a manner of speaking. They pay the bills, if you know what I mean. CUSTOMER: I guess so. I don t know that I could afford a designer purse. I need something that won t cost me a lot but will serve my needs. CLERK: Hmmmm well, we have some lovely designer knockoffs. Perhaps you need to tell me exactly what you need this purse for. CUSTOMER: Gee, I don t know. Why does anyone need a purse? To hold all of the stuff I carry around each day. CLERK: (Looking over glasses) Yes, I see. (Thinking and tapping her finger) To hold the stuff you carry around each day. You re sure that s why you want a purse? CUSTOMER: Yes, of course. Can you help me? CLERK: I believe I can, dear. Why don t you come over and make yourself comfortable? This may take awhile. (Directs CUSTOMER to a stool to perch on.)

6 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 CLERK: I believe some of what you carry around each day are the responsibilities of job and family. Am I right? CUSTOMER: Why, yes, but CLERK: (Picks up shoulder bag.) Well, then you need a shoulder bag to shoulder all of those duties that you encounter daily. (Hangs shoulder bag from CUSTOMER s shoulder.) CUSTOMER: (Admiring shoulder bag) Oh, well that is nice. (Starts to get up.) CLERK: Sit. I m not finished. You seem like the type who carries the problems of others your friends, family members, people you read about in the paper. Correct? CUSTOMER: Yes, but what does that have to do with a purse? CLERK: (Holds up backpack.) A nice backpack will do the job. It has all sorts of compartments for every person you might choose to fret about. (Places backpack on CUSTOMER s back.) CUSTOMER: Wait a minute. I m not sure you understand what I need. CLERK: Dearie, Purses R Us. Remember? I understand everything you carry around and what you need. For instance, there are probably a lot of worries about health and finances that you carry each day, aren t there? CUSTOMER: Well, I am losing money in my retirement account, and my husband has had a lot of health issues. CLERK: What did I tell you? Here. (Brings out an attache case.) This attache will be just perfect for all of your bills, credit reports, and financial statements. It comes in a lovely chocolate brown if black doesn t suit you. CUSTOMER: (Taking attache case) No, black is just fine. Hey, no, wait a minute. This is more than I need. CLERK: For what you carry around each day? I don t think so. Do you carry the burdens of sadness and hardship around? CUSTOMER: Doesn t everyone? CLERK: Tut, tut! I m not talking to everyone I m talking

7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 to you. Well, do you? CUSTOMER: Yes. CLERK: I knew it. (Picks up evening bag.) This lovely evening bag will do just fine for the darkness in your life. (Opens evening bag and takes out flashlight.) It even has a flashlight to help you find your way, but the batteries aren t included. (Places flashlight back inside evening bag and hands it to CUSTOMER.) CUSTOMER: Are we finished? CLERK: Oh my, no! Now, this baby is a must! (Pulls out a huge duffel bag.) CUSTOMER: I wouldn t call that a purse! CLERK: (Handing her the duffel bag) It s all a matter of perspective, dear. I know you re like all of the other women who come in here. You need a large purse for all that gossip you carry around each day. CUSTOMER: (Indignantly) I beg your pardon! I do not gossip. CLERK: (Laughing) Of course you don t, dearie. But just in case you ever do there s lots and lots of space to carry dirt on your friends, coworkers, neighbors, church members, celebrities, you name it it ll all fit in. CUSTOMER: I think I ve had enough. (Starts to stand, but CLERK gently pushes her down.) CLERK: I m sure you have, dear, but unfortunately you carry around a lot more than what these purses will hold. CUSTOMER: I do? CLERK: You ll need this little number. (Hands her a cosmetic bag.) CUSTOMER: Oh, a cosmetic bag. For my makeup? I really don t use a lot. CLERK: No? Well, it will hold your concealer to hide the ego and pride that you carry around each day. You know,

8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 that which keeps you from admitting mistakes and taking the blame in certain situations. And because you carry around all of that, you ll need this as well. (Brings out a fanny pack and puts it around her.) CUSTOMER: Why a fanny pack? CLERK: Because the ego and pride that you carry around each day eventually lead to guilt and jealousy that you ll feel right in the pit of your stomach. CUSTOMER: (Overwhelmed) I suppose there are more purses CLERK: Hey, you re the one who has all of this stuff that you carry around each day. Here (Hands her a hobo purse.) CUSTOMER: A hobo purse? CLERK: A cute name for a purse, isn t it? (Sweetly) A hobo purse. (Suddenly harsh) It s for all of that bigotry and prejudice that you carry around. It s perfect for the woman who feels that she s above other people based on their race, religion, or status in life. CUSTOMER: I m feeling awfully burdened with all of these. CLERK: Well, one more should do the trick. This tote bag will hold all of the anger, resentment, and feelings of unfulfillment that you cart around each day. CUSTOMER: Wow! I guess you re right about all of my baggage. I never realized how much my life is burdened by all that I carry. But I can t possibly carry all of these bags. Isn t there one purse that might replace all of them? CLERK: Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I have exactly what you need, but you are going to have to want it. Accept it. Ask for it. CUSTOMER: What? I don t understand. I want to speak to your manager. CLERK: Why, certainly. (Calls or goes for the MANAGER. When the MANAGER comes in, the CLERK whispers in her ear.) MANAGER: Good day. I understand you are looking for

9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 something that might replace all of these purses. CUSTOMER: Yes, I am. Do you have such a purse? MANAGER: Indeed, we do. Here. (Hands her the change purse). CUSTOMER: A change purse? I can t imagine this would be all I d need. MANAGER: This change purse has with it the one accessory you need to change your life and get rid of all this stuff you carry. CUSTOMER: What is it? MANAGER: Open up the bag. (CUSTOMER opens up the bag and takes out a small Bible.) CUSTOMER: A Bible! MANAGER: A Bible. If you let the Word of God be your daily accessory, your life won t be filled with resentment, guilt, and unfulfillment. (CLERK takes away the tote bag.) The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves, which removes bigotry and prejudice. (Takes away the hobo bag.) God s forgiveness allows us to live lives no longer wracked with guilt and jealousy, (Takes away the fanny pack) and we learn to put others first so that our pride and ego no longer get in the way. (Takes away cosmetic bag and places it and the above bags on the table.) CUSTOMER: I feel so much lighter already. MANAGER: It gets better. Now, it takes self-control, but with God beside you, you can banish gossip from your life, and you ll find you re a better friend, a better church member, a better worker, and a better neighbor. (CLERK takes away the duffel.) And as pretty as this little bag is, (Picks up the evening bag) with God s Word in our lives, we may still have hardship and sadness, but we don t have to live in darkness. He will get us through whatever misery we encounter. CUSTOMER: The Word of God isn t going to take away my

Thank you for reading this free excerpt from: PURSES 'R' US by Dawn E. Conroy. For performance rights and/or a complete copy of the script, please contact us at: CHRISTIAN PUBLISHERS P.O. Box 248 - Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52406 Toll Free: 1-844-841-6387 - Fax (319) 368-8011 customerservice@christianpub.com