THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2014

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1 THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2014 TODAY: CERTAINTEED BLOOD DRIVE Thursday, Dec 18 3:30pm-6:30pm at SaveMart Store Parking Lot, in Fig Tree Plaza TOYS FOR TOTS DONATIONS: Tomorrow, Friday, Dec 19th, is the last day to drop off new, unwrapped toys at these loca)ons: Jovem Spa: 115 N 2nd Street And these loca)ons in the Fig Tree Plaza, PLUS receive as a thank you: Ava Fitness Spa: Get 1 month for $30 Chowchilla Crossfit: Get 30 days for $30 Li,le Bitz of Everything: Get 30% off any 1 item. HURRY! Shop Chowchilla First and register at any and all of some 30 loca- )ons for our Holiday Giveaway! OVER $2,000 IN PRIZES GIVEN AWAY! Drawings held at 3pm this Saturday! (See insert where to register!)

2 CHOWCHILLA POLICE REPORT for DECEMBER 6-13, 2014 has been posted to our website. Go to: As I was trying to pack for our Christmas holiday at Grandma s house, my 3 year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, Mom, look at this, and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers into my mouth and said, Mommy s gonna eat your fingers! pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, Honey, what s wrong? She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and said, Mommy, where s my booger? What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!

3 It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mom if he could have a new bike. So, she told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mom told him that would be fine. Sam went to his room and wrote ' Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.' But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote 'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.' He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version. 'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.' He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied. So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. 'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.'

4 What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark? Frost Bite! Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when Emily, a young lady about 20 years old, walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, What do you want for Christmas? Something for my mother, please, replied Emily sweetly. Something for you mother? Well, that s very loving and thoughtful of you, smiled Santa. What would you like me to bring her? Emily answered quickly, A son-in-law. What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas? Black mail! How do snowmen get around? On their icicles. What does Santa call reindeer that don't work? Dinner. What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney? Santaclaustrophobia Why do reindeer scratch themselves? Because they're the only ones who know where they itch. Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low 'elf' esteem.

5 'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the school, Not a pupil was silent, no matter what rule. The children were busy with paper and paste; The mess that they made with it couldn't be faced. The teacher half frantic and almost in tears, Had just settled down to work with her dears, When out in the hall there arose such a clatter, up sprang the kids to see what was the matter! Away to the door they flew like a flash; The one who was leading went down with a crash. Then what to their wondering eyes did appear But a green Christmas tree! (To decorate I fear!) When the teacher saw this, she almost grew sick. She knew in a moment it must be the janitor, Old Nick! She ran to the door, her efforts in vain, But she shouted, and stomped, and called them by name; "Now Tommy! Now Sandy, Now Judy and Harry! Stop Billy! Stop Robert! Stop Donny and Sherry! Get to your places, get away from the hall Get away! Get away! Get away all! As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, the pupils, pell mell, started scurrying by. They ran to the blackboard and skipped down the aisle; Their faces were shining and each had a smile. First came a basket of popcorn to string. Then came the Christmas tree (menacing thing). As the tree was brought in there arose a great shout; The pupils were merrily romping about. The state they were in could lead to a riot; The teacher was sure, if allowed, they would try it. Her nerves how they jangled! Her temples were throbbing! The rush of her breath sounded almost like sobbing! The lines of her face were as fixed as a mask; It was plain that she didn't feel up to her task. The look in her eye would have tamed a wild steer, But the children ignored it; they did every year. A tear from her eye and a shake of her head Soon led me to think that she wished she were dead. She spoke not a word but went straight to her work, Strung all the popcorn which broke with a jerk. At last it was finished and placed on the tree; Then came the bell and the children were free. Their shrill little voices soon faded away And peace was restored at the end of the day. As she looked at the Christmas tree glistening and tall, She whispered, Merry Christmas to all!

6 When you consider Christmas, there are four stages in your life: 1) You believe in Santa 2) 2) You don t believe in Santa 3) You are Santa 4) You look like Santa It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, What are you charged with? Doing my Christmas shopping early, replied the defendant. That s no offense, said the judge. How early were you doing this shopping? Before the store opened! Punishment for boys and girls who no longer believe in Santa Claus. They get clothes for Christmas. The reason that angels can fly is because they take themselves lightly. One Christmas Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn t cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side. Look at that, remarked Peter. That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice! Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in Toys R Us one Christmas Eve. Dad said, 'What a marvelous train set. I'll buy it.' The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.' Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.'

7 Santa Claus needed a vacation. He decided to go to Texas because it was warm and heard the people were friendly. As soon as he arrived in town, people began to point and say, Look! The big red one! Isn t he someone famous? Santa thought, Gee I ll never get any rest if people start asking to sit on my lap and try to tell me things they want. So he decided to disguise himself. He bought a cowboy outfit complete with cowboy boots and a hat. No one will know me now I look just like everyone else! As soon as Santa started walking down the street people began to point and say, Look! It s that famous Christmas personality! Santa rushed around a corner to hid. It s my beard! he thought. They recognize me because of my long white beard! So Santa went to a barbershop and had his beard shaved off. I really look like everybody else now! Santa thought. So he walked down the street with a big smile on his face. Suddenly a man shouted Its him! It s him! Look everybody! Santa couldn t believe it. He was sure that no one would recognize him. So Santa walked up to the man and said, How did you recognize me? The man looked at Santa and said, You? I don t know YOU but isn t that four-legged guy with the big red nose behind you Rudolph??

8 The CHATTER is printed every Thursday, courtesy of Central California Public Service Broadcasters and our adver)sers. Office: Skyline Ridge Road, Coarsegold, CA (559) FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19: 4 th ANNUAL UNDER THE BARN WINTER GYM- KHANA SERIES, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. This is the fourth of six in the 4th Annual Under the Barn Gymkhana Series. The Gymkhana is hosted by the Chowchilla Fair and open for par)cipants ages 4 and older. $25 fee for each rider, cash only. FREE to spectators. The last two events of this series will be held on January 16 th and February 20 th. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20: NO SENIOR POTLUCK in December. Next Senior Potluck Saturday, January 17, WEDNESDAY, DEC 24 THRU FRIDAY, DEC 26: CITY OFFICES CLOSED. THURSDAY, DEC 25: MERRY CHRISTMAS! FRIDAY, DEC 26: NO WIDOW & WIDOWERS LUNCHEON. Next luncheon is January 30, SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28: PICKERS AUCTION, Setup 6AM, sales start 9AM, Chowchilla Fairgrounds New Pavilion. Info: Buster Hewlett (209) THURSDAY, JAN 1: HAPPY NEW YEAR! CITY OFFICES CLOSED. SATURDAY, JAN 3: WORLD SERIES OF TEAM ROPING-California Shoot Out, Associated Feed/Madera County AG Boosters Pavilion, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. The World Series of Team Roping California Shoot Outs event held here in Chowchilla will be one of the qualifiers for the finale held in Las Vegas. This event is the second largest qualifying event in California. FREE for spectators at this event. California Shoot Outs World Series of Team Roping for more informa)on contact David S Brown (408) SUNDAY, JAN 4: WORLD SERIES OF TEAM ROPING-California Shoot Out, Associated Feed/Madera Co AG Boosters Pavilion, Chowchilla Fairgrounds.

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