- 4 - H A I R S P R AY ACT ONE - SCE E O E (TV Station WZZT and the TURNBLAD home simultaneously. Monday afternoon.) #2 g The Nicest Kids In Town 1 Hey there. Teenage Baltimore! Don t change that channel! 'Cause it's time for the Corny Collins Show! Brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray! For hair that holds up even in a NASA wind ENSEMBLE (BACKUP) HOOT HOOT HOOTHOO-OOT tunnel! EV RY AFTERNOON WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES FOUR A CRAZY BUNCH OF KIDS CRASH THROUGH THAT DOOR THEY THROW OFF THEIR COATS AND LEAVE THE SQUARES BEHIND AND THEN THEY SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT LIKE THEY'RE LOSING THEIR MIND YOU'LL NEVER SEE THEM FROWN 'CAUSE THEY'RE THE BOP-BEE-BA, BA-BA-BA-BA, BEE-BA BOP-BEE-BA, BA-BA-BA-BA, BEE-BA OW-OOT WHOO! OW-OOT OW-OOT, OW-OOT EVERY AFTERNOON YOU TURN YOUR T.V. ON AND WE KNOW YOU TURN THE SOUND UP WHEN YOUR PARENTS ARE GONE AND THEN YOU TWIST AND SHOUT FOR YOUR FAVORITE STAR NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA-NA-NA-NA NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA-NA-NA-NA
() AND ONCE YOU VE PRACTICED EVERY STEP THAT'S IN YOUR REPERTOIRE YOU BETTER COME ON DOWN AND MEET THE (BACKUP) Hurry, Penny, hurry - the show's already started! We're gonna miss it! PENNY I'm hurrying, Tracy, but my mother says I'm not allowed to perspire! C'mon! Edna, is my laundry ready? ( is slaving away at her ironing board next to a huge stack of laundry. is picking u her laundry.) Who wants to know? Sure it is, hun. Come on up. That'll be three dollars. (digging in her purse) That's pretty pricey for a few pairs of pettipants. I'm sorry, Prudy Pingleton, but there were some extra charges. Some of your personal stains required pounding on a rock. ( and PENNY enter.) I'm home! Four o'clock. Guess I don't need to ask who got detention again. Tracy Turnblad, mind your manners and say hello to our guest. Hello, Mrs. Pingleton. And you. Penny?
6 H AIR S P RAY Hello, Mrs. Pingleton... mean...mother. PENNY (to ) Teenagers. They just love watching that Corny Colli s. Delinquents. It ain t right dancing to that colored music. Don't be silly, it ain't colored. The TV's black and white. ( exits with her bundle, shaking her head in disapproval.) NICE WHITE KIDS WHO LIKE TO LEAD THE WAY AND ONCE A MONTH WE HAVE OUR NEGRO DAY! AND I M THE MAN WHO KEEPS IT SPINNING ROUND MISTER COLLINS WITH THE LATEST, GREATEST BALTIMORE SOUND!! HOO - HOO HOO - HOO HOO-HOO NEGRO DAY, AHH AHH HUH! HUH! WOOO SOU - OUND BACKUP SO EV'RY AFTERNOON DROP EVERYTHING WHO NEEDS TO READ AND WRITE WHEN YOU CAN DANCE AND SING FORGET ABOUT YOUR ALGEBRA AND CALCULUS YOU CAN ALWAYS DO YOUR HOMEWORK ON THE MORNING BUS CAN'T TELL A VERB FROM A NOUN BOP-BE-BA, BA-BA-BA-BA, BE-BA BOP-BE-BA, BA-BA-BA-BA, BE-BA OW - OOT HOOT, OW-OOT OW-OOT, OW-OOT SO, AS ROLL CALL!! & KIDS AIs AR
AMBER I M AMBER! BRAD! TAMMY! FENDER! BRENDA! SKETCH! SHELLEY! IQ! LOU ANN! BRAD TAMMY FENDER BRENDA SKETCH SHELLEY IQ LOU ANN LINK And I m...link! Oh, Link, kiss me again and again. Turn that racket down. I m trying to iron in here. GIRLS (Scream) SO, IF EV RY NIGHT YOU RE.SHAKING AS YOU LIE IN BED AND THE BASS AND DRUMS ARE POUNDING IN YOUR HEAD BACKUP MONY-MONY,, MONY- MONY,,, MONY-MONY,, MONY-MONY
8 - Hairspray () WHO CARES ABOUT SLEEP WHEN YOU CAN SNOOZE IN SCHOOL THEY LL NEVER GET TO COLLEGE BUT THEY SURE LOOK COOL DON'T NEED A CAP AND A GOWN 'CAUSE (BACKUP) HOW - OOT HOOT, OW - OOT OW - OOT, OW - OOT NICEST, NICEST NICEST, NICEST SUGAR AND SPICE-EST, THE NICEST KIDS IN KIDS IN TOWN KIDS IN KIDS IN TOWN - HOOT! Yeah! And that was our new dance of the week - the Stricken Chicken. We 11 be right back. #2a - Nifcst Kid* Bum r Out (Lights shift in the TV studio.) VELMA And we're off! All right, people, how many times do I have to tell you - We do NOT touch ourselves - anywhere - while on camera. Tammy, lose the padding. You too. Fender. (the kids sheepishly turn away to remove their adding) And Link, stop hogging the camera; you re not Elvis yet. Amber...Hog the camera. AM ER Yes, mother. VELMA And YOU, Mr. Collins! None of that Detroit sound today. You have something against Connie Francis? The kids are just over the moon for rhythm and blues, Velma. They can't get enough.