INT. BEDROOM -- EVENING and TEEN BOY are making out on the carpet. They begin to roll around when a doorbell rings. They pull apart. God, don't stop. She pulls Teen Boy back and they begin to kiss again. She starts unbuttoning his shirt when the doorbell rings. He pulls away. TEEN BOY I gotta get that, it's the pizza. Welcome to West River Hills. A town that has a piping, hot secret. Teen Girl is lying on ground and talking on phone. Oh, I know, I felt everything! I think we're just gonna have dinner and then, well, you know... There are no delivery charges here, but for a good reason. Meanwhile, in the bedroom. I don't know, he's been gone for so long. She laughs and cups her breast. (CONT'D) I bet he is too! I'll call you tomorrow. Sometimes what you order is not always what you get. Teen Girl is tip-toeing down the stairs, smiling. Baby, where are you? That pizza smells great!
2. What if your dinner came with a warning? Teen Girl comes to bottom of stairs and sees a pizza box on the kitchen table. Her smile fades as she sees blood dripping from the box into the pool on the floor. Baby? "The product you are about to enjoy may cause burns-- She approaches the box. This isn't funny. Internal bleeding-- She grabs the lid of the pizza box and begins to open it. (CONT'D) And most likely: death!" Inside is Teen Boy's head with his eyes removed. Teen Girl screams and backs up. Bon apetit! (CONT'D) She stops as a hand reaches from behind and covers her mouth, while another hand drags a pizza cutter across her throat. FADE IN: INT. CLASSROOM A bunch of GIRLS sit in desks and whisper. GIRL 1 I heard he used their bodies to make sausage. GIRL 2 Then he fed the pizza to the dogs.
3. GIRL 3 I hate this class. A car parks in front of a house and a PIZZA MAN steps out, carrying a box. He walks slowly to the door. INT. SCIENCE LAB Many DORKS are seated around a bunson burner. DORK 1 I have to work tonight. DORK 2 Man, you always work. We're never gonna finish this project on time! He slams his book on the table and storms out of the room. Pizza Man stops on the patio and rings the doorbell. INT. GYM CHEERLEADERS are practicing. Is everyone coming to my house this weekend? CHEERLEADER 2 Are you kidding, I wouldn't miss it for the world. CHEERLEADER 3 Any fun pranks planned? I guess you'll just have to see. WOMAN opens her door and stares at the Pizza Man. WOMAN I didn't order a pizza. She shouts into the house. WOMAN (CONT'D) Honey, did you-- Pizza Man swings out a pizza cutter and slashes her throat.
4. INT. ROOM -- DAY Two Dorks sit on a bed. DORK 1 But they have to be connected. No one ever kills at random. INT. LIVING ROOM -- DAY Many cheerleaders stand and look out a window as Dork 3 walks past. There goes that shithead, Trixie Bingleboof. CHEERLEADER 2 God, I hate her! She wears the same thing everyday. Cheerleader 1 looks at her and smiles. INT. ROOM -- DAY Maybe she'd like a pizza for dinner? DORK 2 But how come the police haven't found anything? The doorbell rings. The Dorks are silent. They walk to the front door and open it. It's Dork 3. DORK 2 (CONT'D) Oh, thank God. DORK 1 We thought you were... DORK 3 Come on, let's get that project done. A pizza car parks in front of a house. Someone has been working in the kitchen all day. Packed full of cool looking kids, drinking.
5. GIRL 3 Can you believe they canceled class so we could go home early? GIRL 2 Thank God for killers. Someone wants you to try a slice. The doorbell rings and many kids stop in their tracks and stare. I'll get it. She runs to the door, offscreen. JOCK 1 Did anybody order a pizza? Nervous laughter. Offscreen, a scream. Someone has a recipe: for murder! Many people rush to find Cheerleader 1 staring at her open door toward a pizza box on the ground. (whispering) He's here. Rapid cuts of people running down the stairs, people making out, police pouring into a restaurant, teachers handing out papers in class, people applauding at the science fair, all the main characters laughing or engaged in their preferred sport/ sexual activity. The images move quickly into a blur. Girl opens her fridge and sees a pizza box and catches her breath. BLACKOUT.
6. INT. RESTAURANT NARRATOR He's making one last special delivery-- A pizza crust is being rolled out. There is a scream offscreen and blood spatters across the dough. You! The hand sprinkles cheese over the blood and places the pizza in the oven.