Smith School Carpool Rules

Transcription

1 Smith School Carpool Rules

2 Contents: I. Traffic laws II. Drop-off procedures III. Dismissal procedures front of school IV. Dismissal procedures back of school V. The Empire Strikes Back

3 I. Traffic Laws You must STOP at the stop sign in front of the school. This is not optional. Remember, too, that the stop sign does not only function from 8:00-9:00 and 3:00-4:00. Stop means stop at all times of the day. One of the school s many security cameras is pointed right at the stop sign, so I can see you breaking the law. The crosswalk is the place where students, parents, grandparents, babysitters, and dogs, you know, walk across. You must STOP for anyone in the crosswalk. If you are a pedestrian, you must stay inside the boundary of the crosswalk. Linebackers who take good angles on the football field make big tackles. Regular human beings who take angles beyond the boundary of the crosswalk get hit by cars.

4 Fun Fact #1 About Mr. Ross Mr. Ross hates Styrofoam. Hates it. Remember how much Indiana Jones hated snakes? Mr. Ross would rather cradle a cobra than touch Styrofoam. Just imagine Mr. Ross s ambivalence when he buys a cool new television but has to remove it from a giant box filled with Styrofoam.

5 II. Drop-off procedures Drop off your children from 8:15-8:30. Children who arrive after 8:40 are late. Do not cut the carpool line. Do not make a second line. Do not park your car in the middle of the line, get out, and walk your child. Do not block crosswalks, fire hydrants, or driveways. Do not park in, idle in, or drive through the teachers lot. Do not allow your children to get out on the driver s side. A car could hit your child. Do not get out of your car. A car could hit you. Drive slowly. Little children are on foot all around your vehicle. Do not use the carpool line if your children are unable to open the car door themselves. Please pull up as far as possible to make room for other cars in the drop-off zone. Look for the incredibly handsome principal waving you forward and drive toward him. Resist the powerful urge to run over him.

6 Did you know? The world s smartest dog, a Border Collie named Earl, solved a Rubik s Cube in 2009?

7 Did you know? That last fact was a lie my dog tells at cocktail parties. My dog is a pathological liar. Just look at her. What a liar. Let s get back to the important stuff.

8 Let s talk dismissal time We understand that things happen: you get stuck in traffic, you get trapped in a meeting, you get bitten by a radioactive spider and develop superpowers. But each day, we have a few children who wait minutes for a parent, babysitter, or Uber to pick them up. This is too long for a child to wait, and we do not have the manpower to adequately supervise these children for that length of time. Moreover, your children are often very upset when they wait for 30 minutes to be picked up. On early dismissal days, dismissal time is 12:45. Please do not arrive at 1:15 or 1:25. See the previous paragraph regarding timely pick-up. Also remember that your child does not eat lunch at school on an early dismissal day. If you are 30 minutes late on an early dismissal day, it is likely that your child is both starving and upset.

9 Intermezzo That last slide may have been a bit rough. Please enjoy a palatecleansing lemon sorbet before the next course.

10 III. Dismissal procedures front of school Children are dismissed between 3:05pm and 3:10pm. Do not cut the carpool line. Do not make a second line. Do not park your car in the middle of the line, get out, and walk your child. Do not park in front of a yellow curb. Do not block crosswalks, fire hydrants, or driveways. Do not park in, idle in, or drive through the teachers lot. Do not allow your children to get in on the driver s side. A car could hit your child. Do not get out of your car. A car could hit you. Drive slowly. Little children are on foot all around your vehicle. Do not use the carpool line if your children are unable to open the car door themselves. Teachers cannot walk children to cars. The spot at the front of the carpool line is reserved for the winner of the Front of the Carpool Line spot. Please do not take this spot. It is not yours, and nobody wants to see a Game of Thrones-style parent battle in front of the school.

11 Fun Fact #2 About Mr. Ross Mr. Ross doesn t like it when people speak about themselves in the third person, so you can imagine how much Mr. Ross disliked writing Fun Fact #1 About Mr. Ross. One notable exception to this rule: Mr. Ross loved listening to baseball Hall of Famer Rickey Henderson say things like, Rickey don t like it when Rickey can t find Rickey s limo and This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. N.B.: Like Rickey, Mr. Ross does not like it when Mr. Ross cannot find Mr. Ross s limo. In truth, Mr. Ross often has more trouble finding Mr. Ross s limo than Mr. Ross would care to admit.

12 IV. Dismissal procedures back of school All of the same traffic laws and procedures apply when you pick up your child on Leroy St., plus: Do not attempt to execute any type of moving pick-up maneuver. Your child should walk to your parked car and get inside. Then you drive away. Please tell your children to stay inside the boundary of both crosswalks. Do not attempt to cross Leroy St. unless you use the crosswalk.

13 V. The Empire Strikes Back was the greatest of all of the Star Wars films. You know what else is great? Keeping children safe. If we follow the law, use caution and good judgment, and throw in a dash of etiquette, we can ensure that drop-off and dismissal are safe for all Smith children. And for dogs who are trying to learn how to solve the Rubik s Cube. FIN Go Smith! Productions MMXVII