A NOTE FOR LADIES REGARDING DRESS CODE

Transcription

1 A NOTE FOR LADIES REGARDING DRESS CODE Gentlemen: This is not for your eyes, so Exit, Scoot, Go, Out of here! says Mrs. Hoppe to any young men that have wandered into this document. Ladies: Please read on, learn more about the dress code, why there is a dress code and see plenty of samples on what not to wear. You may have asked yourself the following question: I have read the dress code for Praise & Dance Cotillion, but I m sure it s just a guideline and not too strictly enforced, right? Answer: Wrong, and not knowing the dress code or not choosing wisely will not fare well when it comes to enjoying your evening. At each Praise & Dance Cotillion dress code is strictly enforced by well-trained, dedicated volunteers. Our Dress Code Enforcers are passionate about helping students with any clothing difficulty they may encounter and passionate about upholding the standards set forth for Praise & Dance events. So parents, please get familiar with the dress code and check attire before your student leaves the house. There are many examples pictured below. Students will not get past the Dress Code Enforcers if the attire does not abide 100% by the signed dress code in regards to modesty. Even if your daughter s attire looks flattering and does not appear to be immodest on HER body type, we are not arguing the modesty point with you, nor addressing how it looks on your child. The bigger picture many don t see is that to prevent bigger enforcement problems ALL of the written dress code must be enforced or the entire dress code is negated. The strictness is necessary for Praise & Dance to maintain integrity and fairness for all involved. With the best intensions and desire to be above reproach we choose to adopt the highest standard possible for Praise & Dance Cotillion events. It is our belief that responsibility comes with the blessing of having one of the only Christian youth events available that emphasizes proper interaction with the opposite sex and includes dance, a wholesome and fun activity. Why Cotillion should be held to a higher level of responsibility for enforcing dress code: In what other sanctioned activity parents, might you see a rather tall young man standing close enough to your daughter to look straight down her dress as he holds her in his arms and talks to her? What other sanctioned activity parents, might include your daughter not having her hands available to adjust a neckline, strap or skirt on her dress as needed? It is far more likely in this activity for a neckline, strap or skirt to slide into the danger zone, potentially causing her and the young man embarrassment, until she notices and breaks dance position to yank things back where they belong. Add to that an outfit that was not chosen wisely, which we see often, and it s a recipe for disaster. Boys involved have stated, I don t want to see cleavage and don t want to have to worry about keeping my eyes diverted while trying to talk and dance with someone. Some boys may not agree with that statement and would love to look down cleavage instead let s take that option out of the equation and get to know each other for the inner beauty and the good qualities God has given. Have those running Praise & Dance Cotillion ever considered giving in and not having a strict dress code? Dress code continues to be the biggest point of contention, the biggest step of faith for our staff and volunteers and also the area in which we lose the most students. Those in leadership know there are under age dance clubs, home school proms, public school dances

2 or other activities in which strapless, backless, low cut or much shorter than we allow at Praise & Dance Cotillion is allowed. Students in the upper age range, if they can get parents to agree, will go that direction in order to have the freedom to enjoy wearing the current fashion trends they like better. Each time it happens, and we lose students to other less strict environments, those students are greatly missed and to be honest it s tempting to relax the rules if it would bring those much loved students back. However, with God s grace we carry on, making the right choices according to our calling, keeping and enforcing the dress code rules as they have been written. At most other events the organizers have the option to deal with the inappropriate attire they see by looking the other way and living through it. After all, if it s a prom then it s just one night. In contrast, Praise & Dance events are ongoing, therefore any decisions made to enforce or not enforce the dress code, carry long-term ramifications for those of us running the program and for every other student that is planning and deciding what to wear to the next event. A student s decision on what to wear to each subsequent event can be greatly impacted by whether or not they see the dress code being enforced. Mirror First: Try on your outfit ahead of time and move a lot in front of the mirror. Can you move without stepping on the hemline? Are you tempted to yank at the straps or neckline to keep things in place? If so, make the necessary adjustments (or go see a tailor) to make sure you end up with a dress that is danceable. The Dress Code states no halter tops, no strapless, no backless, no partial backless, no low backs, no cleavage showing. It addresses shoes, length of dress and even material to make sure we stay a dressed up event. WHAT NOT TO WEAR Following are some photos of current dresses being sold in stores. We know that these are by far NOT the most immodest dresses available, however the necklines are still too low for Praise & Dance Cotillion, for all of the reasons stated above. As you compare the section of photos that are not acceptable with the examples of recommended styles, please notice how far the lowest part of the neckline is from the collar bone. Notice the Praise & Dance Cotillion standard does not change depending on how well endowed or not well endowed. Here is a guideline for you: If cleavage or any part of the breast that would be included in your self breast exam is showing, it s too low. See if straps can be tightened or material added to raise the neckline. Or, add lace or a shawl that pins on and stays in place all night. EXAMPLES OF DRESSES THAT HAVE NECKLINES TOO LOW FOR PRAISE & DANCE:

3 All of the dresses above would require adjustments or a cover up be worn. The first row (previous page) is pretty obvious but the second row seems to be where we find more misunderstanding and tend to get the most dress code violations from the teenagers. Possibly these examples are nothing compared to the t-shirts most youth are wearing every day and even to church, therefore everyone thinks no big deal. Due to the nature of our event and dancing with young men, we have adopted a much stricter policy and therefore the above pictured dresses as they are worn are not appropriate for Praise & Dance Cotillion. Most young ladies are not used to having to sit with knees together and in most settings they are not wearing a dress and are not sitting directly across the room from boys sitting opposite as they do at Cotillion. We used to allow dresses/skirts that were two inches above the knee, however we ve seen way too many pushing it to shorter and shorter lengths. That combined with the number of ladies that despite many reminders from the microphone forget to sit with knees and ankles together, has resulted in our decision to make the length requirement to the knee. From 2010 forward the dress code will read dress or skirt to the knee or longer. EXAMPLES OF DRESSES THAT ARE TOO SHORT FOR PRAISE & DANCE COTILLION:

4 THE PHOTOS BELOW SHOW BACK LINES THAT ARE TOO LOW: For the above three examples of backs that are too low, if the neckline is high enough and the rest of the dress abides by dress code, chaperones may let these go, unless they notice boys having to put their hand on the bare part of the back. In that case, they will require a cover up to be worn. Any back lower than these examples will definitely be called out and require a cover up. You can see that in comparison to the three examples below, they are further down from the bottom of the shoulder blades. Here are some questions you may ask yourself when you try on your dress: Does the back of the dress dip very far below the shoulder blades? Does it dip below a regular bra line? Would the back of the dress be high enough to cover a regular bra if worn or not? If not, it is too low. Remember we don t want the gentlemen to have to put their hand on a sweaty back as they lead in dance position. THESE DRESSES SHOW BACK LINES THAT DO MEET DRESS CODE:

5 MORE EXAMPLES: The following dresses are not appropriate for Praise & Dance Cotillion: No Halters MORE ABOUT CHAPERONES AND DRESS CODE ENFORCEMENT: Slit too high Our chaperones have no desire to spend their time measuring hemlines, checking out every detail of each student and certainly not arguing with parents or students. It would be wonderful if all parents would check their student s attire and enforce the dress code with their own children before allowing them to leave home. Dress code is the one issue that continues to cause the most upset and turmoil. Most often I am told that it is not what was said in addressing the child or parent, it is the way it was said by our chaperones and it offended or hurt feelings. In the same situations the offended parent/student often admits they knew and understood the dress code, decided to wear something out of code anyway and sometimes parents even hoped we would address it because their child wouldn t listen to them regarding what to wear. Hearing from a student or parent that they knew they were out of dress code but wore it anyway must be very frustrating for volunteers. Sometimes parents are offended no matter what is said to their child. They make it an argument of many other issues (Susie s hurt feelings, why Susie should be able to wear what she wore) all distracting from the simple matter of bringing Susie within the dress code. Each volunteer in the position of Dress Code Enforcer has committed to speak respectfully to each student/parent and to try their best to mentor and explain in a loving way. They have each committed to help ensure the continuation of the high moral standards and values that Praise & Dance Cotillion was founded on. They are committed to being Godly in their approach, fair and equal to all students, speaking lovingly and privately without humiliating or embarrassing anyone. In tone and choice of words they will refrain from passing character judgment, they will listen to each student and be a sounding board for the student to talk through the dilemma of not having dressed within the dress code and what went wrong in their choices. They will work together with the student, look at the dress code and work on straps, cover ups, safety pins or whatever else is needed to abide by dress code.

6 EXAMPLES OF DRESSES THAT DO MEET DRESS CODE: Choose undergarments carefully. No bra straps or undergarments showing. Avoid panty lines that show through by choosing the correct undergarments for the dress. The same standards apply to shorter dresses as to the long dresses pictured. At most Praise & Dance Cotillion events the ladies wear knee length or tea length dresses. Ladies may wear a long gown to the Christmas Ball or other formal Praise & Dance events. Parent chaperones and Family Holiday Ball participants may be one-time only guests and have the added option of a nice pant-suit or dress slacks with festive blouse or sweater. It is our wish that all families will be able to participate in the Family Holiday Ball not only those with means to go out and purchase gowns and formal wear. However, the event is still dressed up and those in tennis shoes, jeans or other casual attire will be turned away. The same modesty standards apply to necklines on chaperones, moms at the Family Holiday Ball and moms at the February Mother/Son dance.

7 There are so many beautiful dresses that meet dress code. If yours is borderline too low, try shortening straps, use a decorative pin or scarf pinned on, add a piece of lace or other fabric or wear a pretty bolero or dressy sweater, jacket or other wrap. Have both parent and student actually read the Praise & Dance Cotillion dress code? Did you notice that nylons are required and gloves are required in the younger group? We understand how tough it is to come up with appropriate attire, especially for the ladies! Ladies, see the next section for some Do s and Don ts taken from past participant photos, at the Fancy Dress Ball, one of the year-end themed costume events, same theme as 2010!

8 FANCY DRESS BALL COSTUME DO S AND DON TS DON T DON T DO In this, you may end up tugging constantly to keep the back and sides in place or else find yourself in a rather embarrassing situation. Dancing and halter tops often don t work well together. The Praise & Dance Dress Code states: No bare back, no partial bare back, no halter tops. A beautiful dress at first glance, but the very tight and very narrow bodice down to the knees made it difficult to walk in not to mention impossible to dance in. Team it up with the wrong kind of undergarments (panty lines galore showing) and you have a gown that is sure to make you and those around you uncomfortable. In this you may as well also wear shoes that are excruciatingly painful to top off the evening s lack of dancing fun. DO ALMOST a DO DON T Here is a good example of one way to make an adjustment to that strapless dress in order to abide by the Praise & Dance Dress Code and ensure everything stays in place for hours of painless dancing. Great job Danielle as Queen Frostine A piece of matching fabric inserted into the partial bare back is a great plan to adjust a formal that because of the partial bare back does not abide by the Praise & Dance dress code. Sewing on snaps or hook and eye(s) will ensure the fabric stays in place for worry free dancing. Try the dress ahead of time in front of a mirror, dance around with arms up and make sure the straps are short enough to not fall off the shoulders. Make sure the dress stays up high enough in the front and if not add a row of lace or find another creative way to adjust. Praise & Dance dress code states: no cleavage showing. Do wear a mask, a cape or wear a full costume! Make a name tag, show up in character and be prepared to have a GREAT time!! Don t choose a costume without trying it out in front of the mirror. Does it fit or will it split out when dancing like this one did? Off the shoulder falls into the strapless category and is not allowed per the Praise & Dance Dress Code. DO " Make sure you can dance reasonably comfortably in your shoes and formal costume attire by trying on and practicing in front of a mirror. Make any necessary adjustments ahead of time. Do your best to avoid the Don ts pictured here by using good common sense and dressing appropriately to dance. DO FOLLOW THE PRAISE & DANCE DRESS CODE AND MODESTY STADARDS Avoid strapless, backless, partial backless, off the shoulder or dresses that show cleavage. Be kind to our dress code enforcement volunteers and understand that Arts Impact Foundation has logged many years of experience putting on Cotillion programs. We have chosen each aspect of the dress code for important reasons. To ensure your comfort and everyone else s, abide by the stated dress code. Whether you agree or disagree with each point in the dress code, abide by it because you signed it and you have integrity to follow through on your agreements.

9 Although there may be some slight differences or added options for Family Holiday Ball participants (See R.S.V.P. Holiday Ball) or the year-end themed event, here is the general Praise & Dance dress code: PRAISE & DANCE DRESS CODE This is one of today s rare dress up events for youth! A classic look rather than trendy in style is appropriate. Remember, you will be dancing so check your attire and shoes in advance for comfort. Allow enough time to make any necessary alterations in order to prevent embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions! Gentlemen: Long sleeve button down dress shirt, dress slacks and tie. Suit jackets optional but strongly encouraged. Smooth soled (danceable) shoes. No tennis-shoes or boots. No casual type pants such as school uniform, Dickies, Haggar, denim, overly baggy, cargo or other casual style pants. Tuxedo or dark suit (including jacket) is required for the Christmas Ball formal. Ladies: Party dress or dressy skirt with blouse; No denim, no casual cotton, jersey, or T-shirt material dress, skirt or blouse allowed. Length of skirt/dress at the knee or longer. Floor-length dress/skirt only allowed at the Christmas Ball or formal themed event. Nylons or tights with smooth soled shoes required. No bare legs, no pants or leggings in addition to or instead of dress/skirt. No flip-flops or sandals that don t attach to the foot. Shoes must attach to the foot for safety reasons. No platform shoes (toes should not be elevated). No see-through clothing, no exposed undergarments. No halter, off shoulder, strapless, one-strap, bareback or partial bare-back styles. Back no lower than bottom of shoulder blades. Spaghetti straps fine as long as dress is high enough in front to cover cleavage. No tops that expose cleavage or expose stomach when arms are raised. White wrist length gloves required grades 4-7 (except Guest Night) and encouraged for 8 th -12 th ladies. 8 th -12 th grade ladies may wear any color/style gloves. Gloves required for all ladies at formal Christmas Ball. Hopefully, the photos included will help in knowing what to choose and which dresses will need adjustments in order to abide by dress code. In most cases the young ladies talked to in regards to a dress code violation are respectful and generally take personal responsibility for the oops, I didn t think this outfit through. With 10 years and dozens of dress code situations behind us, it has been an interesting journey. Not always fun but always growth inspiring. If you are in agreement with the high moral standard Praise & Dance sustains and are in support of our mission to provide wholesome and well-structured events for youth, please spread the word about the program. The most helpful thing you can do to make sure that Praise & Dance Cotillion continues is use the Press Release on our website and get announcements put into church/school bulletin, or us for pre-printed postcards to distribute.