Greetings. From The Worship Drama Library, Volume 5 By Jerry Cohagan

Transcription

1 Lillenas Theme: Worship as participation Drama Presents Greetings From The Worship Drama Library, Volume 5 By Jerry Cohagan Characters: Eight: five males, three females BOYD: a substitute greeter, eager and pleasant RICKERT: an elderly lady who is caustic, cynical, and probably gargles with acid in the morning CHRIS: a teenage boy who hangs all over his girl, Jenny JENNY: a teenage girl who hangs all over Chris CHARLIE: a guy whose only purpose in life is to whine PAUL: an upwardly mobile man, very sharp dresser JAN: Paul s wife, dressed to kill PASTOR: use your real pastor, if possible Synopsis: It is Sunday morning and time to worship! Boyd, a last-minute substitute greeter, is filled with anticipation for the service, but as he greets various members of the congregation the joy of worship is slowly beaten right out of him. Through a series of broadly drawn characters, the audience discovers in a humorous manner the difference between interactive and passive worship. Setting/Props: A church foyer, bulletins (BOYD is standing center stage, greeting people and handing them church bulletins as they cross in front of him. He is a sincere man who slowly becomes disheartened as he greets folks. All characters enter stage right and exit stage left. An elderly lady, MRS. RICKERT, approaches BOYD.) BOYD (taking her hand): Good morning, Mrs. Rickert. RICKERT (taking her hand back, she has a gruff voice): Where s brother Martin? BOYD: He s not feeling well this morning. RICKERT (defensive): Brother Martin s always greeted me at this entrance. That s why I come to this side.

2 BOYD: Sorry, he s under the weather. RICKERT (suspect): So you re the substitute greeter? BOYD: I guess you could say that. RICKERT: Where s your name badge? BOYD: They just called me this morning. I didn t have time to get one. I m Boyd Meadows. RICKERT (surly): I know who you are. What, you think I m senile? BOYD: No, of course not. RICKERT: Just because I m a member of AARP doesn t mean I m witless. (Grabbing a bulletin from him) Gimme my bulletin. BOYD (smiling): Beautiful Sabbath, isn t it? RICKERT (bitter): What I can see of it. My eyes aren t what they used to be, Mr. Meadows. BOYD (sympathetic): I m sorry to hear that. And how s your lumbago? RICKERT: Sore as ever. I tell you, it s a trial just to get out of bed every morning. It s a miracle I m here, sonny. BOYD: A real blessing to see you, I m sure. RICKERT: I don t know why I come anymore, I can t hear a word the pastor says anyway. BOYD (trying to be helpful): Perhaps you should sit closer to the front. RICKERT: Easy for you to say. You got the bladder of a young man. I m lucky to make it through the call to worship. Besides, I can t stand to sit that close to the choir. The music s always too loud, what with them drums and guitar on the platform. (With disdain in her voice) I never thought I d live to see the day! BOYD: The staff s just trying to be a little innovative. RICKERT (jumping all over him): Why? What s wrong with the old days. In my day it was How Firm a Foundation and two verses of A Mighty Fortress Is Our God on the mighty Wurlitzer and we were on to the meat of the sermon. That was enough for anybody! Nowadays, it s 30 minutes of choruses on an overhead projector, and we re up for every other one. Up! Down! Up! Down! I m wore out by the time we

3 get to the sermon. I m just glad my Hubert didn t live to see this. It woulda killed him. BOYD: I guess you got to him first. RICKERT (glaring at him, snapping): What? BOYD: Nothing, nothing. I said we ought to have hymns first. RICKERT (shaking her head): It s a sorry state of affairs, a sorry state. BOYD (sincerely, not passing judgment): Goodness, Mrs. Rickert. I didn t know you were so unhappy here. I m surprised you come. RICKERT (offended): What! And not worship the Lord? (Waving him aside) Get outta my way... (Exits) BOYD (as she leaves): God bless you. (CHRIS and JENNY, two teens obviously unhappy to be here, enter. They are hanging all over each other.) BOYD (shaking hands): Hi, Chris. Hi, Jenny. CHRIS (caustic): Yeah, right. JENNY: I m sure. BOYD: What s the matter? CHRIS (can t believe BOYD): What, you don t know? BOYD: Know what? JENNY (speaking the obvious): It s Sunday. BOYD (cheerful): Praise the Lord! CHRIS (holding his head): Oh man, it s too early to be so happy. Don t you get it? First of all, we were out late last night and then the old ball and chain are pounding on my door bright and early this morning. JENNY: I hate dragging myself to church every week. It s not easy looking this good. By the time I get my face on, I m beat.

4 CHRIS (complaining): It s not enough I gotta sit through Sunday School... JENNY (joining in): And stale doughnuts... CHRIS: Watching some guy in a bad suit try to keep our interest using flannelgrams and chalk art... JENNY: Then we have to sit through this service too! I mean, I love God and all, but how much of this stuff can you take! CHRIS: The only good thing about the service is it gives us a chance to catch up on lost sleep. BOYD: Well, why do you come? JENNY: Are you kidding? And risk not being seen together! CHRIS: Get a life, man... (They walk off.) (CHARLIE enters, slumped shoulders, dejected, whines on every line, a real loser.) BOYD: Good morning, Charlie. CHARLIE (groaning): Not for long. Forecast calls for rain. BOYD: It s good to see you. CHARLIE (sighing heavily): Somehow I managed to make it through another week. Living for the Lord is such a trial. I don t know how I do it. Everybody at work mocks me for my faith. BOYD: I thought you worked alone out of your home? CHARLIE (defeated): I do. But still, I can imagine what people are saying about me. I m just hanging on by my fingertips. BOYD: You sound a little down, Charlie. CHARLIE (moaning): Just waiting to pass over to other side, I guess. BOYD: Can I show you a seat? CHARLIE: Naw, nobody d want to sit next to me.

5 BOYD: Well, there s a whole empty row right in front. CHARLIE: What do you think I am, a fanatic? Nobody sits in the front row. That s for visitors. BOYD: I m sure the pastor appreciates your concern, but I think, we re all here by now. He s got a great sermon this morning, Living a Life of Joy! CHARLIE (in a whining voice): Obviously doesn t apply to me. I ve been a believer for over half my life. I know all there is to know about joy. I can t stay, anyway. BOYD: Why s that? CHARLIE (mewling): I gotta prepare for a seminar I m leading tomorrow. BOYD: What is it? CHARLIE (dragging his feet as he leaves): How to have a positive self-image. (Schlumps off, groaning under the weight of life) (PAUL and JAN enter.) PAUL (pumping BOYD s hand): Good morning, Boyd. How you doing? BOYD (smiling): Morning, Paul. Morning, Jan. JAN: Good to see you, Boyd. BOYD (handing them bulletins): Beautiful day to worship. PAUL (looking over the bulletin with JAN): That it is, that it is. BOYD (beat): Is anything wrong? JAN (smiling): No, we just like to look over the menu before we decide to be fed here or not. PAUL: Make sure it s to our tastes, you know... JAN (pointing to bulletin, dismayed): Oh, look. Mr. Fielder is reading the scripture this morning. PAUL: I hate his delivery, always filled with overdramatic pauses. JAN: And he whistles through his nose when he takes a breath.

6 PAUL: It s really too bad they don t have someone else read it. It really detracts from God s Word. JAN (referring to bulletin, unhappy): Oh, and look. Janice Dowell is singing the special with the choir. PAUL: Oh, brother. No wonder this church isn t growing. Visitors hear her screech out those high notes, they never come back. I m surprised we haven t lost a stainedglass window or two. JAN: Why can t these services be more conducive to an atmosphere of worship? It s so disheartening to come Sunday after Sunday and hear such average music. I know we ve got more talent in this church. BOYD: Maybe they re just trying to let everyone be a part of the service. You know, make it a group effort. (Smiles) (PAUL and JAN eye him for a moment as if he s a gnat, then go back to their bulletin.) PAUL (groaning with alarm): Oh, look! He s gonna have a time of commitment at the end! JAN (upset): Oh, that s just wonderful! It ll be 12:10 before we get outta here. PAUL (looking at Jan): Great, you know what that means. JAN & PAUL (together, grimacing at each other): Another dry pot roast. JAN: I gotta start using the Crockpot for Sunday dinners. PAUL: And I m subtracting our meat bill from our tithe. (Tapping his wristwatch in BOYD s face) Why can t he keep to a schedule? I know I set my watch to go off at 11:55 A.M. every Sunday morning. You think he d notice that. BOYD: Oh, I m sure he does. It s tough to regulate the Holy Spirit, isn t it? (PAUL and JAN stare at BOYD, who is becoming a bigger gnat. BOYD smiles innocently.) PAUL (eyeing BOYD): Where s Bob Martin today? BOYD: He s sick this morning. JAN (giving BOYD the evil eye): I hope he gets well soon. BOYD: Me too. Can I find you some seats?

7 PAUL: Thanks, but I think we ll try the other side. JAN: Maybe the balcony, Dear. That way we can slip out when he gets to the time of commitment. PAUL: Good thinking. We can sit back and get a feel for the overall production that way. BOYD (ironic): Too bad we don t have theater seats instead of pews, huh? JAN (missing the irony): That s a fine idea, Boyd. Might be worth a note on the friendship card. PAUL: Sure, we can slip it in the offering plate with our tithe. JAN (reminding him): Minus the cost of the pot roast. PAUL (as they exit): You got that right. BOYD: God bless you... (Muttering to himself) If you ll let Him. (PASTOR enters and crosses to BOYD.) PASTOR: Boyd, thanks for filling in this morning. I appreciate it. BOYD: No problem, Pastor. PASTOR: How s everybody doing this morning? BOYD (looking for something positive to say): Well... ah... Everybody s here, all right! PASTOR: Great! They all ready to enter into worship? BOYD (stumbling around a bit): Well... ah... well... Everybody s here, all right! PASTOR: Better get a seat, Boyd. Service is about to begin. BOYD: Be right there, Pastor. I just gotta make a quick phone call. PASTOR: Oh? Anything wrong? BOYD: No, I just wanna make sure Bob Martin s gonna be back on his feet by next Sunday. This being a greeter beats the joy right outta me. (Blackout)

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