Modern Family. "The Crock-Pot" Written by. Daniel Reynoso

Transcription

1 Modern Family "The Crock-Pot" Written by Daniel Reynoso MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot"

2 CAST JAY PRITCHETT...ED O'NEILL GLORIA PRITCHETT-DELGADO...SOPHIA VERGARA DUNPHY...TY BURRELL DUNPHY...JULIE BOWEN PRITCHETT...JESSE TYLER FERGUSON TUCKER...ERIC STONESTREET DUNPHY...SARAH HYLAND ALEX DUNPHY...ARIEL WINTER LUKE DUNPHY...NOLAN GOULD MANNY DELGADO...RICO RODRIGUEZ LILY...Aubrey Anderson-Emmons SAM...TBA WALT...TBA...TBA

3 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" ACT ONE SETS INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN INT. JAY & GLORIA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN INT. PERSIAN MEAT MARKET - DAY INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN

4 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 1. ACT ONE INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY Claire struggles with the packaging to her new Crock-Pot. Darn it! Honey, would you help me with this? Your valiant knight to the rescue, my queen. Phil takes the package and attempts to pry it open. At the counter, Alex eats cereal from a bowl. ALEX Wow, a crock pot? Really? I know. It s great, right? ALEX Isn t that how moms cook once they ve given up on life? No, it s how we cook when we have a house to run. It s going to free up more time for me to spend with my babies. Claire wraps her arms around Alex. ALEX Great, you can start by helping Haley with her homework-- Alex, who was that Nazi leader with the Hitler mustache? Haley enters and crosses to the refrigerator. So I didn t know the name of-- Charlie Chaplin-- what s the big deal? Alex shoots a sly look to the camera. (cont d) No! Mom, that s not a crock-pot, is it?

5 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 2. Yeah, so what? So, I m bringing a new friend over tonight, and I don t want our house to smell like a soup kitchen. (to Alex) We already have a smelly hobo living here. Alex, honey, you don t smell. Haley, his name was Adolph Hitler, not Charlie Chaplin. And why is everyone against my crock-pot? I m not honey, I m enjoying this. I can really see how this is going to make your life so much easier. Now he s really struggling to get the box open. Exactly. This will change our lives. You ll see. GLASS SHATTERS as a baseball flies into the kitchen and hits Phil in the head. He falls to the floor. Claire and the girls SCREAM. They look out the shattered window to see SAM, a twelve-year-old tomboy wearing a red baseball cap, waving at them. Sorry! SAM Luke runs inside the house and grabs the baseball. LUKE Mom, I m so sorry. It was my fault. (feigning coolness) It s fine. Doesn t matter. I have all the time in the world to deal with this, because I have a crockpot. Who s that boy?

6 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 3. ALEX I think that s a girl. Phil lies dazed, but continues to struggle with the box. (rubbing his head) I m fine, nobody worry about the guy who just took a ball to the face. (surprised) Luke, is that a new friend? LUKE Yeah. Her name is Sam. HER name? ALEX Luke has a girlfriend? What! Luke, is it serious? LUKE Shut up. No, I don t. Luke? SAM (O.S.) LUKE She s not my girlfriend. She s just a friend who s a girl. I gotta go. He runs outside. Phil, still on the floor, holds up the crock-pot like a trophy. Got it! AND INTERVIEW This is big moment for me. Huge. Wait, are we still talking about the crock-pot?

7 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 4. No, Luke is hanging around with a girl, and you know what happens, sooner or later. Phil, you need to give him the talk. You re overreacting. You don t get it. What? Once he starts hanging around girls, I m not going to be able to hold him in the same way. (realization) Luke won t be my baby anymore. (jiggling the pot) But, on the bright side-- we have the crock-pot! (using the lid as a mouth) I wuv you, new mommy. INT. JAY AND GLORIA S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY Gloria peers into her cook book. Jay stands behind her with and glass of OJ to his mouth. Jay! GLORIA Jay spills OJ on his shirt. MANNY One time she did that to my dad, only he was holding a loaded gun. What? JAY GLORIA We need to get the white flame for my soncocho. JAY If you re going to talk dirty, let s get Manny out of the room first.

8 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 5. MANNY You ve never cooked him grandma s soncocho? GLORIA No! And I never will if I don t get this pepper! Jay, we have to go to Los Bonitos right now. JAY Are you crazy, with all the gangs that place is more dangerous than a war zone. GLORIA We have to go right now, otherwise it won t be ready for Claire s dinner. MANNY I wanna go. We ll bring Stella for protection. (to Stella) Wake up. Manny holds up Stella, who is wearing a bedazzled pink bandana. JAY We re all in this together-- strength in numbers. Everybody into the car. INT. PERSIAN MEAT MARKET - DAY Cameron, Mitchell and Lily graze through a moderately busy meat market. Slabs of beef surround them and whole carcasses hang from the walls. Cameron pauses on one. Mitchell look at that. What? (to the meat) What did they do to you poor fellow? Cameron, this is not time. You know why we re here, let s just get the Wagu and get out.

9 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 6. Mitchell, you know I raised cows for ten years of my life and this could be Betsy Lou Reed right here! Cameron looks around the store for the perpetrator. Well, this is the only shop in the city who s selling Wagu right now. It looks like Freddy Kruger s handiwork. Claire said she needs Wagu, so we re getting the Wagu whether you like how they treat their meat or not. I treat my meat with great care, tenderness and love. You know that Mitchell. They approach the serving counter., A large Persian man stands before them. What can I help you with? We re here for the five pounds of Wagu. No Wagu. Prime rump is what you want. Uh, no. I just called for the Wagu. We want the Wagu. Wagu not available right now. You want Prime rump. Tally holds up the round of meat. The guy on the phone told me that you have Wagu and to come down right away.

10 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 7. I was guy on phone. So you lied to me? No. Then you have Wagu? No. Mitchell let s go. You want an aged tri-tip? Excuse me sir, I know a bait-andswitch when I see one. Maybe you think it s funny to lie to people over the phone about your meat selection, but there is a very sad, lonesome old woman out there, and all she wanted before her life winds into nothingness is a slab of Wagu beef. Tally s cool veneer melts. OK, I m sorry. We don t get much Wagu, so...i check the back. Tally exits to the rear of the shop. Nice one. The bit about your dying mother was fabulous. I was talking about Claire. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - NIGHT Claire and Phil hover over the crockpot. Press that, first.

11 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 8. No, look it says all you need to do is turn the dial. Claire turns up the dial. Phil sticks his hand in the pot. (cont d) Is it warming up? I think. Maybe. Haley enters with WALT. He isn t much taller than Haley and wears a white and red cheerleader outfit. He looks strikingly similar to Phil. Guys, this is Walt. Walt strides over to Claire and offers his hand. WALT Mrs. Dunphy, can I say what a pleasure it is to at last meet the famed curator of that piece of art work. (terrified) Hello. WALT And the King himself. The man who puts the real in Real Estate, Phil Dunphy. Come on down and meet your new best friend. Hi. You re a cheerleader, Walt? WALT Sure am, fourth year running. Walt s phone rings. He pulls it out and looks apologetically to the Dunphy s. WALT (cont d) Sorry, it s my Mom. Do you mind if I- AND Of course not.

12 MODERN FAMILY "The Crock-Pot" 3/20/12 CTVA 428 Draft 9. WALT Hey, Haley, the color of the Beatles submarine? What? WALT (into his phone) Yellow? Walt exits to the den. So? (laughs) INTERVIEW He s nice. He s Phil and this must be stopped at all costs. I d marry the man, but he will never marry my daughter! END OF ACT ONE