How To Let Go. Sydney Montalvo. Adlai E. Stevenson High School. Lincolnshire, IL

Transcription

1 How To Let Go Sydney Montalvo Adlai E. Stevenson High School Lincolnshire, IL

2 How To Let Go The weeping willows swayed serenely in the wind as the birds chirped pretty little songs. The sun shined through the trees, bright enough so Charlie could see, yet dim enough that she didn t need to squint. She smoothed down the page of her journal and looked up to see a camera lens focused in on her face. Noah! She laughed, throwing her small hands in front of her face in an attempt to block it from the photographer s view. I thought you just needed pictures of nature for photography class?" Noah looked out from behind his camera and walked up to her to move her hands from her face. I know, you caught me, he admitted sheepishly with a smile. Charlie peeked out from behind her hands to make sure his camera is gone, eyes full of laughter. He lightly gripped her wrists and brought them down. There you are, he sighed, showing his dimples. Guess so, cheeseball, she smirked, gazing into his milk chocolate eyes. What were you writing about? He leaned over to look at her journal but was slapped away. Noah, you know you can't read this! She asserted, clutching her book to her chest. He raised his eyebrows. I don't know why not! Boyfriends should always know what's going on in their girlfriends lives. Always.

3 Charlie looked up and felt a few stray raindrops fall on her, telling her not to fight with him about this again, even though he seemed to be getting gradually more serious about this debate. The clouds swirled and darkened as she took a few deep breaths to contemplate how to respond to him without starting an argument. Ok She began, finally able to look at his slightly red, pouting face, I know we re both tired, so Let's go home. Before your camera gets wet. Noah s head jerked back, as if he hadn't noticed the rain at all. He jumped up and threw his camera into the bag and gathered his papers together, grabbing an umbrella and handing it to Charlie. Let s go, my car s over there! He pointed vaguely to the near empty parking lot at the visitor s center and they sprinted to his car. He opened the door for her on the passenger side and hurried to the driver s seat. Charlie had never liked his car, but today it was a welcome reprieve from the accumulating thunderstorm. Noah frantically turned the keys to get the heat going and glanced at his shivering, soaked, curled-up girlfriend. He sighed and removed his baggy cotton dark gray sweatshirt and draped it over her shoulders. I'm sorry, I had no idea it was going to rain, he softly apologized. I wouldn't have dragged you out here if I did. Is your journal ok? It's fine, she mumbled before being wrecked by a round of goosebumps. Noah ran a hand through his hair before looking back down at the steering wheel, which he was clutching tightly in his fists. Don t lie to me, Char. I'm N-not, she replied and held out the little floral book to assure him it was dry.

4 He ran his hand down the cover lightly before putting his hands back on the steering wheel. Ok, ok. I'm sorry, baby. We ll go now. He angled the heating vents towards her and pulled out of the parking spot, tires slipping a bit on the wet pavement. Are you s-sure you can drive alright, Noah? Charlie questioned, peeking up at his worried face. When he looked over and saw her eyes on him he quickly morphed his expression into a smile. We ll be fine, it s just a little slick is all. They pulled out of the parking lot very slowly, and changed into the left lane of the non-mediated two-way street after waiting for all the cars to clear out. I don t think you have to wait that long, Charlie laughed while uncurling herself from the knot she morphed herself into and wrapping his sweatshirt tighter around her. He joined in the laughter and clarified, I don t really, but it makes me feel better. Noah glanced away from the road and over at her for just a second while another person on the other side of the road lost control of their vehicle and swerved into Noah s lane, crashing into the driver s side of the car. Charlie could barely feel the cut on her forehead or the bruises that seemed to make up the entire left side of her body while sitting at a pew, staring at a sea of black clothing, attempting to count the tiles that made up the floor. Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight Hey, you were Noah s girlfriend, right? A girl s voice asked politely.

5 Charlie looked up for a second at the unnecessary intrusion of her privacy. Yeah, she muttered deeply before continuing her count of the tan tiles on the floor. So sorry about what happened, the girl continued talking, not comprehending the non-verbal signal Charlie was emanating. But he was really cute, the stranger observed, gazing at the professionally shot picture on display next to the casket at the front of the room, almost barely seen from the last row of seats which they sat in. Charlie forced her head up to look at the photo. Yeah, she mumbled, he was. She was about to look down at the floor again when the girl spoke yet again. Why aren t you up there with his friends and family? Your friends and family? The only answer Charlie had was a non committal shrug. The unknown girl examined her for a moment before stating, I just think I d want the love and support of my family if something like this happened to me. Charlie looked down and resumed her counting, not even noticing when the girl left. As Charlie walked out of the church following the ceremony, flanked by her parents and Noah s family, she stopped and stared at her car sitting in the parking lot. Seeing Charlie stop, her parents waved the rest of the group to keep moving and stood next to her. After rubbing her shoulder for a moment, her dad decided to explain himself. I m really sorry honey, he began, I forgot I had to take your car. Your uncle needed my truck for some lawn work he was doing, and your mom drove with you and Noah s family. I wasn t- he

6 paused, then gestured to his wife, We weren t trying to push you to so soon after everything He fidgeted for a minute, trying to get words together. Her mom filled in the gap, waving around Charlie s keys as she talked, which Charlie followed with her eyes. What your dad means is that we understand how hard this is for you to handle right now, and we would never push you to She snatched the keys out of her mom s hand. I can drive myself home, she asserted numbly. See you later. She hit the button to unlock the car, leaving her parents dumbfounded in the middle of the church parking lot, and marched defiantly into the driver s seat. She put the key into the ignition and remembered Noah hurriedly turning the key to get the heat on for her just a few days ago. She remembered Noah s laugh just before the deadly crashing, shattering, breaking, dying. A single tear rolled down her cheek before she even realized she was crying, but as soon as she felt the one drop, it became a downpour she couldn t control. She rocked back and forth and rubbed her hands over her eyes, trying to stop the escaping water but she knew all she was doing was ruining the make-up her mom did for her this morning, which only made her sob harder. Suddenly she felt warmth rubbing along her hunched-over back and murmuring comforting words to her. Baby, please don t cry, the hauntingly familiar voice cooed in her ear. You ve always been the strong one.

7 She jerked straight up into her seat and only screamed for a second before a hand was placed over her mouth. Shh, shh, the figure next to her chuckled quietly. I mean, I m glad I got you to stop crying, but I didn t want that. Oh my God, that was loud. He took his hand off her mouth slowly to make sure she wouldn t yell again, which she didn t, but her eyes bugged out of her head and she couldn t breathe. No this, this can t be happening, this can t be happening, she repeated like a mantra to herself. Ok, um, that s offensive! The apparition argued. I m literally right here. I know you how you like that horror stuff, so I kinda figured What? That I d be down to talk to my dead boyfriend? How is this even happening? Charlie transitioned quickly from not being able to breathe at all to hyperventilating. Ok, ok, calm down Char, it s ok, you re ok Phantom-Noah tried to calm her down. Am I going crazy? She whimpered, curling into him for comfort. No, sweetheart, you re the sane one, remember? I m the wack-job, he chuckled. But I am here to help you, for however long you need me. So first things first, you need to actually start this thing if you re going to drive it. She sat up off him and gave a short incredulous laugh. Seriously? Yeah, I mean, did you think the key could turn itself? Charlie stared out her bedroom window at the full moon illuminating the black surrounding it. She checked the time on her phone, only now considering that it was not a smart idea to stay

8 awake until two in the morning when she needed to be up for school at seven. She groaned and rubbed her face, collapsing back onto her pillows. Nightmares again? Noah asked, his instantaneous appearance jolting Charlie out of bed. He sat on the armchair next to her bed, legs propped up on the ottoman. No, actually, she answered, sitting Indian-style on the end of her bed facing him. I need to talk to you. Uh oh, he said. It almost sounded like you were going to break up with me. He chuckled. Wouldn t give up on your ghost boyfriend, would you, Char? She cringed when he used her old nickname. Actually, Noah, about that His mouth dropped open. I was kidding, Charlie! You weren t actually going to... a horrified look conquered his once confident expression. I m not! I m not, Charlie reassured him. It s just this isn t normal. I can t rely on you this much. I can t wake up in the middle of every restless night, every milestone I feel sad about you missing and expect you to be there to comfort me. This can t - won t - work. Noah looked down at his feet, as if contemplating what she said, before he glared back up at her. Did you ever think I might be lonely on the other side? He countered. My parents, friends, you are here. I m forced to watch you all move on with new, exciting adventures I never got or will get the chance to embark upon and you all never even think about me. I mean, what kind of a cruel trick is that? Charlie watched a couple tears leak out of his eyes as hers did the same.

9 I m so, so sorry, Noah, she walked over to where he sat, wiping his tears off his face. You don t deserve this. But I also can t be the person you need me to be. I will always, always, love you, Noah. But I need to let you go like I should have when you died. He sniffled a few times, wiped the tears from her face as she did his, and vanished as quickly as he appeared.