What With My Back? The Story of the Season so far

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1 What With My Back? Welcome to Issue 1 of an occasional magazine looking at what s going on at Hockley's number one table tennis club. All the lowdown, gossip, news, in depth features, opinions on the UK economy, the latest FTSE prices, page 3 starlets and much more! The Story of the Season so far In all honesty this has been the best start to a season so far, for the majority of our teams. One glance at our results column on the website recently reveals a sea of green which is unprecedented in our history! The A team back in Div 1 are finding things a little easier than last time when we were relegated after one season. This is now a much stronger side led by the mighty Emperor Pang (when he s not on holiday), backed up by the experience of Tony, Alan and Keith, and benefiting from the burgeoning talent of young Liam, who fortunately has a much stronger back than his dad! They currently lie 5th in the table as of 14 th November. Doing even better in terms of league position are the B team who are currently top! Again, this is down to a mix of youth and experience, with little Matt Do you want a singles? Stringer, currently leading the way with some excellent performances, and being backed up by Dennis, Paul and Neal who are all trying desperately hard to keep up with him. They have yet to play some of the stronger teams in the division but we'll have a better idea of their chances of promotion by Christmas.

2 The Committee s master plan for world domination (well, promotion from Div 3), is well on track for the C team who are currently top with 6 wins from 6 matches. They too have the benefit of youth in the form of big Matt, and, possibly with the exception of Laurie, have the sharpest dresser in the club in Stuart who took that award after his appearance at the AGM. Tubby, coach Brian and Jon complete the team. The D team are just about holding their own in what is a comparatively inexperienced side in terms of league performance but, led by our quiz supremo John, and supported by David, Jason, Jim, Phil and the enigmatic Mr. Blythe, they should be heading for a mid- table finish. The E team, capably skippered from afar by David, is struggling a little, but not unsurprisingly, as they contain some of the youngest and most inexperienced players in the club. They have a big squad and use the rota system to good effect, so much so they have already used more players in their team this season than Man Utd! Nevertheless we have seen some good performances with Ron (our Len Goodman lookalike), and Claire, both recording their first ever hat- tricks, and there has also been a first ever brace for Darren the chicken man Johnson. Brian Parker will be their secret weapon, however, with a hat- trick to his name already he is by far the most experienced player in the squad and, playing on a regular basis, he will be very hard to beat. Last but not least we come to our new Junior side playing in the Basildon League, the brainchild of Emperor Pang. Whoever said 'you ll never win anything with kids' certainly wouldn t have been right if they were talking about this team who are top of their division, unbeaten in 6 games and 9 points clear. Liam, big Matt and little Matt are our home grown talent, backed up by the 'big money signings' of Zoe Davis, Rebecca Lowman and

3 Justin Jeffreys. Tim obviously has them under some strange and mystical oriental spell as they continue to get results even when he isn t there to guide them. Elsewhere in the club our coaching sessions continue and numbers continue to increase with the juniors, which makes for some rather hectic sessions with up to 12 boys to control. Numbers are not high in the senior session, but the regulars that attend certainly enjoy Brian s coaching and we continue to look at ways of increasing that. On the social side this magazine is going to press just prior to the League Quiz night which promises to be well attended by our members, and even though our very own egg head, John, won t be there, Dennis has promised to lead our team on to victory, so no pressure there then! With Christmas fast approaching we await news from the social committee of their plans for the festivities and we know it must be top secret because nobody has said a word about what they might be doing yet. Only just over 4 weeks to go guys!

4 Page Three Starlet Above is Dorothy de Low, competing at the World Masters Games Finals in Sydney, She was 99 years old in that picture and quite a player...table tennis, I mean, of course.

5 Joke of the Month A French table tennis team travel to the USA to take part in a tournament. They stay at a very traditional, conservative southern university. Upon their arrival the local co- ordinator tells them The female dorms will be out of bounds for all male players and the male dorms will be out of bounds for all female players. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second time, and $180 the third time. Are there any questions? At which point a French player pipes up How much for a weekly pass? IN THE NEXT ISSUE Paul Tubby Henlen reports on the best padlocks for use on wooden sheds. Keith and Alan will tell us how ballroom dancing is helping improve their table tennis. (Could be a short report!) We give you the latest situation on one of the greatest mysteries of our time where is the Chairman's bat? STOP PRESS The result is in from the SDTTL Quiz night it's a disaster for Dennis!! Thank you for reading the first edition of WHAT WITH MY BACK! Comments should be kept strictly to yourself as the Editor does not want to be offended!