Th Athr Chronicl Th Imaginar y Alt r nat His t or y of t h St ampunk Empir Fr om Saturday Fbr uar y 14, 2015 t o Saturday Fbr uar y 28, 2015 A lockt Liutnant Nathanil Thompson had craftd for his wif, with a compass at it s cntr. Th pic was of grat us to Abigail Thompson during hr sa voyag, and srvs as proof that lov dos lad th hart hom. Abigail Thompson Rturns With Husband on St. Valntin s Day! Rscud Aftr Missing For 1 Yar Th city of Dorst is clbrating a rmarkabl St. Valntin s Day vnt. It was a thrilling day in Dorst ystrday whn a fishing vssl at sa spottd an airship on th horizon hld barly aloft and narly skirting th ocan, showing th tlltal signs of a trribl attack. Aboard th airship, two figurs wavd to th crw dsprat to gt thir attntion. Th airship in qustion was non othr than th Starling II, a mrchant trading vssl in th mploy of th East India Company and rportd missing a yar ago. Th vssl had bn attackd by sky pirats and had disappard from th shipping lans soon aftr. It was prsumd that th ntir crw had bn lost and th Starling II ithr capturd or dstroyd in th conflict. Som of you may also rcall on Mrs. Abigail Thompson, th wif of th ship s first mat, Liutnant Nathanil Thompson. It was a mr six months ago that Mrs. Thompson an abl airship pilot in hr own right, had st out on hr own in a small skiff aftr hr husband s vssl had disappard. Sh had vowd to rtrac th path of th Starling II no mattr th cours and with littl rgard to th possibility of th ship s dstruction. My Nat is out thr, Abigail had statd, h nds m to find him and find him I shall. Many had attmptd to sway hr, saying that th sarch was a fool s rrand, but sh was dtrmind to mak th attmpt rgardlss of th consquncs. Whn sh was askd why sh would attmpt such a rscu sh statd simply, I lov him with all of my hart. That hart will lad m to him. Mrs. Thompson had takn only nough provisions to last hr a month s journy confidnt that sh would find hr husband bfor sh was forcd to rturn. All had assumd th poor woman lost whn sh did not promptly rturn. Imagin th fishrmn s surpris and dlight to discovr that not only was th vssl th Starling II, but that th two who wavd at thm from th ship s prow whr Nathanil and Abigail Thompson, arm in arm, both of thm smiling xcitdly as thy wavd down th fishing vssl. Th captain of th fishing vssl wastd no tim in scuring a lin to th Starling II and towing th airship to th shors of Dorst from whr thy had st out. Th airship and its pilots wr mt with grat nthusiasm as th vssl gntly cam to rst upon th sandy shors of Dorst, as th gathring crowd chrd for th vssl s rturn as wll as th Thompson s. I scarcly thought that I would vr s th shors of Britannia again, Liutnant Thompson was quotd as saying, I thought myslf lost and would surly hav prishd if not for my darst Abigail. As Liutnant Thompson rlatd his tal to th Athr Chronicl, h had spokn of what had happnd and how h had survivd. Th pirats had movd alongsid our vssl and ros from blow us to gain th bnfit of surpris. Bfor w knw what had happnd, th pirats bgan thir attack. Cannons roard as thy boardd th Starling II splintring our hull. Th crw fought valiantly, but th crw was no match for th ruffians. Thir attack was too sur and swift. Within momnts th Starling II had bn compromisd, hr crw ithr capturd as slavs or killd. Dspit this, I rmaind dfiant. Thinking only about making it hom to Abigail, I challngd thir captain, who only laughd. My captain, Lucian Mrriman, and I wr bound as th pirat crw mad off with thir plundr and lft th Starling II to drift away, but not bfor puncturing th air bags and causing us to dscnd into th sa vn as w wr st adrift. Thompson wnt on to tll about how th ship had bgun to dscnd slowly from narly a mil up, wll abov th clouds, howvr th ship nvr mad it to drown th two in th ocan as th hull took on watr. Instad, Thompson rlats, th ship crash landd on an outcropping soon aftr drifting into a cloud bank. It was at th sam tim both frightning and thrilling! Thr I was, rlivd that w would not drown, yt dsprat not to di from impact. W wr most fortunat. Th shattrd hull rmaind mor or lss stabl as w landd on solid ground, and whil bufftd about, th captain and I survivd. In tim, I was abl to unti myslf and did th sam for Captain Mrriman. It was thn that I discovrd that th captain had indd bn injurd during th battl. Whil th wound did not look svr, h had lost much blood. I did vrything I could to sav him, but th wound bcam gangrnous and th poor man did mr wks aftr our crash. Whil caring for his captain, Thompson survyd thir landing sit and ralizd that th ship, not having falln far, must hav hit upon a platau of som sort. This Island in th sky did not appar on any of thir maps as Thompson assumd that th two must hav landd on th flat fac of a mountain. Thompson spnt th nxt six month s familiarizing himslf with th platau and its flora and fauna, craturs that, whil not going into grat dtail, h rlatd wr immns dnizns of a lost world. Whn not hunting for food or avoiding giant prdatory lizards Liutnant Thompson spnt th majority of his tim on th platau gathring th matrials ncssary to rpair th Starling II). Th ship was soon rpaird, but had no rsourc to provid lift. I was always surroundd by th clouds and nvr saw a clar day th ntir tim I was thr, Thompson said. It was bcaus of this that I could not vntur byond th platau, so I waitd, hoping for rscu or for som mans of rscuing myslf. Thn cam th night of th trribl storm. Abigail had bn afloat for two wks and, brokn hartd ovr not finding hr husband, had dcidd to turn hr air skiff around and rturn hom. I had bn only on my rturn for a fw hours whn th skis bgan to grow dark as clouds thick with rain cam ovr th horizon. Knowing that thr was no way I could outrun th storm, I dcidd instad to try and ris abov it. I had narly managd whn th wind causd my vssl to drift. Try as I might to right my cours, th wathr had othr intntions. In th darknss of thos rain clouds I could not dtrmin how far off cours I was. In th distanc a light shown through th vil, and I struggld with vrything I had in m to rach it. As I nard, th dark clouds bgan to disprs and I could s land. A campfir burnd brightly in th distanc on an outcropping. Nxt to this was a drlict airship. My hart lapt into my throat whn I discovrd I had found th Starling II and saw my Nat tnding th fir! Was it fat that st Mrs. Thompson s skiff on a cours to hr husband or was it hr hart lading hr to th man sh lovs? What is crtain is that onc togthr, thy bgan working on plans to rturn. Th Thompson s cannibalizd what rmaind of th skiff, along with th air bags attachd. Whil not larg, thy would provid a small bit of lift, just not nough to gt th airship aloft for th rturn trip hom. With no rady solutions in sight, th coupl sttld in to lif on th platau. I am told by Mrs. Thompson that had it not bn for an altrcation btwn a Brontosaurus and a Tyrannosaurus Rx, thy would nvr hav bn abl to rturn. W wr out hunting for food, my Nat and I, Abigail said. W discovrd a bronto and hr nst. As w watchd, waiting for an opportunity w hard a dathly roar narby. A tyrannosaurus had discovrd th brontosaurus and attackd. Th bronto fld th nst as th tyrant approachd. W sizd th opportunity aftr it had passd and wr just trying to gathr a fw ggs whn th ground blow us bgan shaking. A fissur opnd nxt to th nst, rlasing gas into th air. Th gas was hlium! Finally, aftr months of hoplssnss, w wr savd. It took tim to gathr nough hlium to inflat th bags and, lacking any way to rfin it, w wr not sur it would vn work. To our surpris th rpaird air bags inflatd and th ship ros. Not vry much, just a fw ft off of th ground, yt it did manag to stay aloft! Wasting no tim, w gathrd our blongings and boardd. As w wighd anchor, th ship pulld away from th platau. W wr in dangr th momnt w lft th outcropping. A rogu thrmal causd th bags to los prssur and, rathr than slowly dscnd, w wr dropping from th skis at an alarming rat. Kping to our cours, w hit th watr much as a ston skipping across a lak would, Liutnant Thompson said, which was fortunat as ach skip managd to lift us a bit highr and, momnts aftr that harrowing xprinc, w ros and managd to stay aloft, but only a fw mtrs abov th wavs. Th Starling II floatd abov th ocan for two mor wks, dscnding a bit mor ach day. Th Thompsons bliv that thy would hav hit th watr for crtain had it not bn for th kn yd crw of th fishing vssl. Whn askd what thy attributd thir luck to, Mrs. Thompson rplid, Lov. As I said, my hart lad m to my Nat. W car dply for on anothr, now mor than vr! I ll nvr b partd from him again. Th city of Dorst has plannd a spcial clbration for th coupls rturn involving much found, music and camaradri with a St. Valntin s Day ball to follow. Th Thompson s will also b awardd commndations from th mayor. And to rturn on St. Valntin s day no lss? Prhaps lov dos lad th hart hom aftr all.
a romantic turn. Th tlgraph was onc usd to communicat markt figurs, mssags about wantd criminals, or th pric of shrimp in Sicily. Ths days, spcially around Valntin s Day, mor and mor popl ar snding lov nots and proposals of marriag! Dowagr Countss Dumound s bstslling book Stampunk Ruls of Courtship, sold out for this Valntin s Day. Nw Trnd in Romanc: Courtship by Post and Marriag by Proxy! A intrsting trnd has bn volving for young, modrn coupls in lov: th courtship is pursud whil th coupl ar intntionally sparatd by grat distanc. Th coupls communicat by post and by tlgraph, and, onc th rlationship has withstood two yars, th coupls ar thn marrid by proxy! This rportr was first amusd and thn prplxd by this phnomnon. Of cours, marriag has always bn mor of a contractd xchang of goods in civilizd socity. In fact, amongst th nobility and countris of th East arrangd marriags ar still th norm, and th prospctiv coupl only mt a handful of tims, and always in company, bfor thy ar wd. Now, this outdatd institution of courtship by proxy and marriag by post is bing rvitalizd by th middl class simply to instil an air of mystry and drama to what might othrwis b a dull, prdictabl courtship. Th invntion of th tlgraph and th growing commonality of th tlphon mans that coupls can corrspond across vast distancs with gratr as. Lttrwriting has always bn tim-consuming and tdious, but in this modrn ag, with a fw tap-taps of th fingr, a prson can corrspond across th country! Tlgraph oprators ar crtainly awar of this growing phnomnon. On Elois Markham stats: Tlgraph Oprators hav always riddn th lins, spcially on th night shifts. W communicat with othr tlgraph oprators, play gams, tll ach othr riddls, joks, just to pass th tim. Aftr a whil, you dvlop frindships across bordrs. Rlationships ovr th tlgraph ar not ncssarily nw; but in this modrn ag, thy v takn Whthr this is a wis or halthy way to conduct a rlationship is dbatabl, howvr, mor and mor tlphons ar bing connctd to privat homs, and th tlphon oprators hav similar storis to tll. On Btsy Brady xplains: Tlphons ar now considrd public domain. Onc thr was on tlphon pr larg, walthy houshold and it was most oftn connctd to th doctor, th train station, and th top thr prominnt familis in th country. Nowadays, Molly th Maid is snaking off to us th tlphon to call Sal th Stabl hand. And th things thy go on about! Maks m blush just to think on it. London s mor consrvativ socialits insist that this procss compltly dfats th ntir purpos of courtship. Th Dowagr Countss Dumound, author of th bstslling book Stampunk Ruls of Courtship, sold out for this Valntin s Day, offrd a quot: How dos a prson gt to know somon who s hundrds of mils away!? That s ridiculous. My book outlins 10 Guidlins for stablishing a rapport with your futur spous that will dtrmin your compatibility. For th sak of ths misguidd young individuals who ar allowing thmslvs to b ngagd without vr having mt, I hav listd thos 10 Guidlins hr. For full dtails s my publishd works: Stp 1: Upon first haring of your potntial Intndd, ncourag a rspctabl, mutual frind to introduc you at a public vnt. Stp 5: Now that a lvl of intimacy has bn stablishd, coupls should b sn out and about togthr. For xampl, at th moving picturs, an invntors convntion, or prhaps a political dbat. Stp 6: At this stag it is prmissibl to xchang gifts. A tokn of your affction should b prsntd according to th following cod. For womn: jwllry, for mn: a lock of hair or a pockt handkrchif. Stp 7: Now that th rlationship has bn stablishd in on anothr s housholds, as wll as th public y, plans for marriag should b discussd. This should b don as discrtly as possibl; gnrally, th butlr of th groom s fathr contacts th butlr of th brid s fathr, and arrangs som sort of businss lunch, during which tim such tdious dtails of dowry and th siz of th coupl s prospctiv hous can b sttld. Stp 8: Th Proposal. Onc th facts and figurs hav bn calculatd, th young man is fr to officially propos marriag to th young lady. Now, gntlmn: thr is no nd for som outlandish display. It s tru that no young lady will vr forgt a young man who floats down to hr in a hot air balloon, but it s also tru that sh will nvr forgt it for ntirly diffrnt rasons than th young man intnds. Womn do not nd a grat display of affction; thy do not nd an audinc waitd with batd brath. All thy nd is a man down on on kn, tars in his ys, ring in his hand. Stp 2: Upon having informd your potntial Intndd in writing of your honourabl intntions, propos a public outing, accompanid by a chapron. Accptabl xampls includ: a walk in Hyd Park, th thatr, a hous party, tc. Stp 9: Th only, and I man ONLY, ring for a modrn woman in this Stampunk world, is on of Dr. J. Willard Hrshy s synthtic diamonds! Your grandmothr s Harry Winston can just b burid with hr, st on of ths nw diamonds into a band of platinum with a slf-claning rotating disc, and that woman will b yours forvr! Stp 3: Following thr such outings, a suitor should introduc himslf to his Intndd s family, and thn rqust prmission to introduc his Intndd to his own family. An intimat family dinnr is advisd. Stp 10: Announcing th Engagmnt. Contact Th Athr Chronicl th INSTANT th young lady says ys, in ordr to post th banns. Thn fl fr to clbrat with family and frinds! Stp 4: It is only aftr having mt on anothr s parnts that coupls should vr b alon. A brisk and ngaging activity in th outdoors togthr is highly rcommndd. For xampl, th nw invntion th tandm Pnny Farthing Bicycl provids hours of ntrtainmnt as wll as th illusion of privacy.
Th Athr Rviw Of Books M rs. Pattrson startd to wp. Hr husband mad toward hr as if to try and comfort hr, thn thought bttr of it and mrly shruggd at us. A draught followd th butlr into th room, a cold body of air which gav th imprssion of bing suckd from th darkst pit of Hads. This coldnss smd to hav a lif of its own, a malvolnc which wrappd ach of us in its chill tndrils, sapping our souls and igniting panic in our bllis. This was followd by a symphony of what I at first took to b gunfir but swiftly ralisd was in fact vry door in th hous slamming opn and shut. Strang, said Maxwll. Is th door opn? Or a window prhaps? No, said th butlr. I lockd up myslf. Thn what is that, I wondr? Askd Maxwll, pointing at th butlr s ft. I lookd. Th cold brz which had swpt through th hous had bn followd by curling tndrils of mist, wrapping around th door fram and brushing against th butlr s ankls. N yotsu squattd on his haunchs to xamin th mist. Athr, h brathd. Pardon m? Said Maxwll, bnding down nxt to him. N yotsu pointd at th mist. This is Athr. Athr? As in th Luminifrous Athr? That is corrct. Maxwll lt out th short, sharp laugh with which h always grtd claims or information which h judgd to b prpostrous. I can assur you that that cannot b th cas, h said. Th vry concpt is discrditd, mdiaval bunkum. Discrditd? Askd N yotsu. By whom? Why, by myslf. I squandrd yars of my lif on that illusory concpt. In spit of what som may assrt, thr is no foundation to th ida of th Athr as a mdium for th propagation of light, lt alon som form of magical glu which binds togthr th univrs. I hav don all th calculations and hav provn that it dos not xist. And yt hr it is, said N yotsu, gsturing at th mist which crpt slowly across th floor, a carpt sprading with ominous intnsity. I frownd; if this truly was just common fog having spd in from th outsid, it should surly hav startd to dissipat th furthr it rachd into th hous. This particular mist displayd no signs of doing so. In fact, it smd to bcom mor concntratd as it sprad. Th Infrnal Athr, By Ptr Oxly Maxwll marchd across th room and startd to mpty his pack, placing tubs, lnss and glass pans around him. Max, I said with a sinking hart. What ar you doing? I shall sttl this argumnt onc and for all, h said, scrwing two tubs togthr. I shall prov that this mist has no socalld Athric proprtis with a simpl xprimnt. Is this rally th tim...? I askd, tailing off as N yotsu put a hand on my shouldr. Lt him, h said. This may provid som clus to hlp unlock th dilmma bing facd by this family. H lookd at Mr. Pattrson. W will not b long. Th Pattrsons watchd us with th warinss with which on grts an unxpctd strt prformr in th middl of on s daily commut; a divrsion, but not ncssarily a wlcom on. I flashd thm an apologtic smil. For hr part, th littl girl Milly appard compltly unaffctd by all that was taking plac, th apathy of youth givn an addd intnsity by th blanknss of hr star. Th apparatus was bginning to tak som form in Maxwll s frantic hands, although what that form actually was was a mattr for som dbat. What h assmbld was quit simply a monstrosity of tubs and shts of glass which could only hav bn dsignd by a man with a scintific bnt; no-on with an ounc of artistry would vr lay claim to such a cration. It put m in mind of a rathr ugly church window, with th pans of glass surroundd, proppd up and wrappd up in a graclss profusion of glass tubs, mtal valvs and rubbrisd tubing. Mrs. Pattrson bckond to Milly and quitly askd hr to com to hr. Th girl stard back at hr or rathr through hr th coldnss in hr gaz rflcting th plummting tmpratur in th room. Mrs. Pattrson concdd dfat aftr a fw sconds of this stalmat, offring us a shpish grin framd by rd chks. Sh muttrd somthing about strong-willd childrn whil hr shouldrs slumpd and hr ys wandrd to th floor. Maxwll s voic manatd from somwhr bhind his cration. If this truly is som form of Athr, his fac mrgd brifly so that h could flash a scptical glanc at N yotsu. Thn w should s som form of coalscnc within this dvic whn I activat it. H stood and walkd round to th front of his bizarr cration. I should warn you that I hav conductd this xprimnt a numbr of tims and not onc achivd a positiv rsult. With a flourish h opnd a valv and stppd back, a satisfid smil on his fac as w all prd at th glass pan which frontd up th pil of tubing and lnss. At first thr was nothing, but thn... What is that? Askd Mr. Pattrson. As I watchd, th mist swirld and congald, forming pattrns which I at first took to b purly arbitrary movmnts. My attntion was drawn to th way in which th mist rfusd to stray byond th confins of th glass, as though it wr awaiting prmission to roam fr. I assumd that som aspct of th way Maxwll had constructd th dvic mad it bhav in this way, although I could not s what was crating this ffct. Shaps startd to form in th mist. Whirlpools and ddis, swirling and shimmring, bumping togthr to form... I blinkd and thn lookd back at th glass. At first I assumd that I had caught my own rflction but thn ralisd that th angl was all wrong. Bfor my ys, th mist congald to form an imag, th outlin of a fac which stard back at m with dark ys and an opn mouth. I lookd to th othrs in th room, wondring if this was somthing which my fvrd brain had invntd. Howvr, it appard that it was not. Is that... A fac? Askd Mr. Pattrson. Maxwll had joind us in staring with mystifid intnt at th dvic. It looks lik on, h said slowly. N yotsu muttrd: Fascinating. Look, it s smiling, said Mrs. Pattrson. It s trying to say somthing. Somthing lik... Will... You... Play, joind in Mr. Pattrson. That was dfinitly play. Will you play with m! said Mrs. Pattrson. Is that right? W noddd dumbly. It wants somon to play with? Hr voic rflctd th confusion which w all shard. Icy fingrs ran up and down my spin. I am not sur it has frindly intntions, I said. Bfor any of us could say anything furthr, th glass shattrd outward, spraying us all with shards lik tiny daggrs.
T R r h t v i A w h Of Books Th Infrnal Athr, By Ptr Oxly W ll, dar radrs, this nw author has givn Th Chronicl an awful lot to digst in this first submission, an xcrpt from thir most rcnt work ntitld Th Infrnal Athr. And that, of cours, is th Athr. This substanc dscribd by th author as a Luminifrous Athr taks th form of a coiling mist. It is prsntd as smi-suprnatural, possibly sntint, and capabl of taking on nar-human form. It is also dscribd as possibly bing a vhicl for light or dark: thr is no foundation to th ida of th Athr as a mdium for th propagation of light, lt alon som form of magical glu which binds togthr th univrs. And yt th Athr sms to possss a sort of malvolnt intllignc, capabl of prying upon th prsons trappd within th coiling fingrs of its mists. Th momnt whn it sms to b asking: Will you play with m is somthing out of a spooky horror film. This Athr is clarly bing st up as th unlikly villain of this particular tal, and is a fo with which th charactrs hav tangld with on svral occasions. All prsnt sm familiar with th Athr, and, whil doubtful of its rputd powrs, all sm willing nough to concd th possibility that this Athr may b th Athr thy hav hard of. Th fact that thos prsnt hav a rady hypothsis, tools and procss by which to tst for th Athr on hand and at th rady provs that this substanc is of som intrst to this family. Th dvics and xprimnts dscribd in th xcrpt ar pur Stampunk. A monstrosity of tubs and shts of glass which could only hav bn dsignd by a man with a scintific bnt; no-on with an ounc of artistry would vr lay claim to such a cration. It put m in mind of a rathr ugly church window, with th pans of glass surroundd, proppd up and wrappd up in a graclss profusion of glass tubs, mtal valvs and rubbrisd tubing. Simply nothing could b mor Stampunk than this; th fact that such a dvic is thn usd to dtct th prsnc of som sort of part-magic, part-scintific lif form of undtrmind intntions is what maks this story worthy of its Stampunk audinc. Th budding scintists in Maxwll and N yotsu, th cool, disintrstd fmal onlookr in young Milly Pattrson, and th innocnt bystandrs, all st th scn for a Stampunk thrillr. Evn th unlikly villain in th Luminifrous Athr plays into this thm. My only qustion is: if th Athr is th unlikly villain, thn who is th unlikly hro? Th answr, it would sm, is, Augustus Mrriwthr Potts, th narrator, brothr to scintist Maxwll, and frind to N yotsu. Whil h may sm to b th silnt mmbr of this trio of nthusiasts, h in fact functions as thir bacon of sanity, thir tthr to rality, th grounding forc of thir X Fils invstigativ tam. Augustus is th on who carris a rvolvr in his pockt, has bn in fist fights bfor, and whos chosn profssion is writing: h is th scrib of ths procdings. H is also vry much an unlikly hro: from th vry bginning h would prfr to b warm and cozy in an alhous rathr than trkking around Hyd Park in th middl of th night, trailing his xubrant youngr brothr in pursuit of on of his xprimnts. Augustus was only bcam involvd bcaus h flt a crtain obligation to kp Maxwll from harm. Bfor long h finds himslf ntrnchd in suprnatural procdings with a scintific twist. I fl crtain that vrything Augustus is witnssing will mak its way into a book, his first that is finally not rjctd by publishing houss! What that book will ntail, wll, dar radrs you will hav to rad on in ordr to find out th truth about th Athr, Augustus and Maxwll Potts, thir frind N yotsu, Milly Pattrson, and many mor xciting charactrs. Should you wish to snd a Lttr to th Editor, submit your writtn work, or offr a tip rgarding a potntial story (g. political uphaval, crim, spcial vnts, art and music) plas contact Lsli Orton at: ortonlj@hotmail.com.
Th Athr s Wkly Stamswaddl By Troppl E. Armitag A Rumour Foul It is but a rumour and far b it from m to giv it lif xcpt to say it is wholly untru. Miss Pnlop Satin is dfinitly not th daughtr of Th Earl of Cliffmorton, that outpost of England that clings to th bordr with th Scots. It is tru that Miss Satin, who is dscribd as bing vry fashionably drssd, was sn in his company at Paddington and also at Piccadilly and an informant who is uttrly rliabl says thy wr sn partaking of ta at Kw Gardns. Aftr dilignt nquiris by your corrspondnt, th sourc of th foul rumour can b disclosd. It appars to hav originatd with th night managr at a crtain rspctabl hotl on Blgrav Road, a man who obviously taks plasur in sprading rumours and should not b mployd lt alon trustd. Whrvr h got th ida that Miss Satin was th Earl s daughtr is byond my simpl undrstanding, prhaps sh is rlatd in som othr fashion. It s a pity th Earl s wif Lady Clara, isn t in town to clar up th mystry, I am sur sh would know th answr. At last w hav stymid furthr talk of th foul rumour that Miss Satin is th Earl s daughtr and lt that b a warning to all who might think of sprading rumours. Troppl E. Armitag, Fatur Columnist Your humbl corrspondnt, Troppl E Armitag