2016 Christmas Raffle Winners

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GAZETTE - JANUARY 2017 2016 Christmas Raffle Winners Prize Name $300 Harvey Norman Voucher Albert Browne $200 Harvey Norman Voucher Greg Tysoe $85 Diva Hair Voucher Maurice Aliprandi $60 IGA North

1 GAZETTE - JANUARY Christmas Raffle Winners Prize Name $300 Harvey Norman Voucher Albert Browne $200 Harvey Norman Voucher Greg Tysoe $85 Diva Hair Voucher Maurice Aliprandi $60 IGA North Turramurra Voucher Greg Tysoe $50 Gordon Bunnings Voucher Luke Newham IGA North Turramurra Hamper Maurice Aliprandi JANUARY BOWLS PROGRAMME FOR ALL MEMBERS SUN 1 JAN All New Years Day SAT 7 JAN All Sponsored Day NORTH TURRA PHARMACY SUN 8 JAN All Savills C M Handicap Pairs SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall SAT 14 JAN All Sponsored Day IGA BOBBIN HEAD SUN 15 JAN All 3rd Sunday Mufti SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall SAT 21 JAN All Sponsored Day TURRAMURRA PLUMBING THU 26 JAN All Australia Day Public Holiday Doubles SAT 28 JAN All Sponsored Day EXCLUSIVE MEATS SUN 29 JAN All 5th Sunday Special Doubles SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall

2 News from the Men s Club With the start of a new bowling season we wish all bowlers good health and a year of enjoyable and successful bowls. The 2017 Men s Pairs competition begins on the 15 th January with a strong field of 16 teams keen to knock off the 2016 Champions, Kevin Stutchbury and Bill McMurdy The Pennant season is not far away and apart from running Internal Trial games we have arranged matches against Pennant Hills on the 25 th Feb and Warrawee in early Feb. The next Club Championship event after the Pairs is the Major Singles and the nomination sheet will be on the board on the 8 th February. Geoff M Patron Phyl Gregg presenting trophy to winners of TWBC Triples Championship Jeanette Browne, Sandy White and Sue Hamilton.

PRESIDENT S REPORT FOR LADIES CLUB An enjoyable Christmas Lunch was enjoyed by more than 30 of our members. Phyl was presented with a gift from all the club members as she prepares for her move north.

3 PRESIDENT S REPORT FOR LADIES CLUB An enjoyable Christmas Lunch was enjoyed by more than 30 of our members. Phyl was presented with a gift from all the club members as she prepares for her move north. Ladies bowls is due to resume on Tuesday 3rd January if it is not too hot. Happy New Year to All Social Report An enjoyable evening was had by all who came to the Christmas Dinner. We all enjoyed a relaxing night of entertainment by Susan Fowler. The night ended with a sing along of popular carols. Thank you to all who attended. Sue Hamilton - President Happy New Year to everyone. MIXED BOWLS REPORT The Mixed Bowls program of championships has been arranged for a later start this year. This is partly due to the Open Championships being axed due to poor entry numbers. The first event scheduled is the Mixed Fours on the 12th March. Try to support these events. WP. MAHJONG AND CARD DAY Mahjong will resume again on Monday 9 th January 2017 and first card day is Monday 16 th January Same routine please come, 1pm every Monday. All, most welcome, $5 for mahjong and $12 for card day which of course includes lunch. Please ring Jeanette Staniland for any enquiries. Thank you Judy Jenkins for this

4 NEW SPONSORS FOR 2017 Looking for an Electrician, Tree Service or Personal Physio then look no further Our three new Sponsors for 2017 are: All about Trees Tree Service - Call Adam Ozlec Electrical Hoffman and Co Mobile Physio.

5 MENS AND MIXED BOWLS PROGRAMME FOR JANUARY 2017 SUN 1 JAN All New Years Day WED 4 JAN M Sponsored Day B.C.I.B. SAT 7 JAN All Sponsored Day NORTH TURRA PHARMACY SUN 8 JAN All Savills C M Handicap Pairs SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall WED 11 JAN M Sponsored Day SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall SAT 14 JAN All Sponsored Day IGA BOBBIN HEAD SUN 15 JAN All 3rd Sunday Mufti SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall SUN 15 JAN M Club Pairs Championship P 1 SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall WED 18 JAN M Sponsored Day GUARDIAN FUNERALS SAT 21 JAN All Sponsored Day TURRAMURRA PLUMBING SUN 22 JAN M Club Pairs Championship P 2 SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall WED 25 JAN M Sponsored Day italk TRAVEL THU 26 JAN All Australia Day Public Holiday Doubles SAT 28 JAN All Sponsored Day EXCLUSIVE MEATS SAT 28 JAN M Zone Triples - State, Senior, Rd 1&2 Reserve SUN 29 JAN M Zone Triples - State, Senior, Rd 3&4 Reserve SUN 29 JAN All 5th Sunday Special Doubles SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall LADIES BOWLS PROGRAMME FOR JANUARY 2017 Tue 3 JAN Bowls resume / Social bowls Thu 5 JAN Social bowls Tue 10 JAN Social Thu 12 JAN Social Tue 17 JAN Social bowls / Committee meeting / Major Singles Thu 19 JAN Social Tue 24 JAN Social/Major Club Singles Championships Thu 26 JAN AUSTRALIA DAY Tue 31 JAN Major Club Singles Championships / Social R1 SAVILLS Cordeau Marshall GUARDIAN FUNERALS THE LANDINGS R2 italk TRAVEL R3 TURRAMURRA COMMUNITY BANK

6 Our Patron Phyl Gregg happily bowling on her 93 rd birthday. Christmas Dinner Party on 10 th December with Susan Fowler

8 A couple of funny jokes to see in the New Year. A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand... Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching... For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra " Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him sternly and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." P.S. I didn't see it coming, either... Thanks Herbie, I thought it very funny. E. Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW Outside a second hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! Thank you Judy Jenkins-

9 Ladies Christmas Lunch 13 th December 2016

Some great Roads and Philosophies of life GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't

They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

10 Some great Roads and Philosophies of life GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation

11 GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus.

At age 12 success is Having friends. At age 17 success is Having a driver's license. At age 35 success is Having money.

At age 80 success is Not piddling in your pants. Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

12 THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is.. Not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is Having friends. At age 17 success is Having a driver's license. At age 35 success is Having money. At age 50 success is Having money. At age 70 success is Having a driver s license. At age 75 success is Having friends. At age 80 success is Not piddling in your pants. Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh. Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day. (I know this is long, but it is beautiful. Thank you Herbie again.)

TeeBeeCee GAZETTE OCTOBER 2018

TeeBeeCee GAZETTE OCTOBER 2018 Cnr Bobbin Head Road & Apps Avenue, Turramurra NSW 2074. Phone 9144 2800. www.clubturramurra.com.au. CEO: Charles Skelly; ceo@clubturramurra. com.au. Editor: Eva Morris; evabrik@bigpond.net.au. TeeBeeCee