2011 MOLLER MECHANICAL GMA WORLD SERIES Sea Oaks Golf Club, Round 1: Sunday, October 30, 2011 Saturday, November 5, 2011

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1 2011 MOLLER MECHANICAL GMA WORLD SERIES Sea Oaks Golf Club, Round 1: Sunday, October 30, 2011 Saturday, November 5, 2011 Box Score results follow the story AGB s Edge Slicer Nation by a Hair 651 to 653; Divide by 9, to A Cave Man Takes the World Series MVP STAFF WRITER Professor Go-Go (TUCKERTON, NJ) Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life. Words of wisdom from Eckhart Tolle s best seller The Power of Now, pages Those four sentences could well be the Champion s Creed of Golf; substitute golf game instead of whole life, and you get the picture. In big games like the 2011 Moller Mechanical GMA World Series only those who can best control the demon of their thoughts will conquer their adversary. The soldier who fears his death will find his death. The 2011 GMA Tour was a rather unique season. An Irishman named Cornelius Huckleberry Finn would lead his Slicer Nation to an early jump on the field. Having captured the 2010 World Series at Ballamor, in the offseason, the Slicer Nation made two strong off-season acquisitions of Baron Von Hagiwara, and a young buck, an Irishman named Killer Kelly. Mirroring real life, the rich had gotten richer. By midseason, Slicer Nation was simply tearing it up and had a 20+ point lead over the pack. At times they looked very reminiscent of Captain Palazzolo s 2004 Evil Empire squad, which won the Pennant and Series and is bench marked as the greatest GMA team ever. After Week No. 18 at the Farmhouse, the Slicer Nation went into stall mode. Baron von Hagiwara came down with a sore back, and Admiral John Geddes was on vacation. The heart of their attack The Reverend continued his consistent top play, but found limited support. And then slowly but surely the unthinkable was surfacing to the horizon. These mighty Slicers were in free fall, and looked much like the floundering Boston Red Sox of 1978 who fumbled a big lead to the New York Yankees, which forced the sudden death game at Fenway. Going into the final week of the 2011 Tour, three teams now had a serious chance of wining the Pennant: Slicer Nation, Irons & Woods, and Christopher Leon s Hogan s Heroes. Saturday, October 8 at High Bridge Hills Golf & Fescue Factory, the last Regular Season Event of 2011, the 22nd Annual Fall Classic, turned out to be one of the most extraordinary events in Mission History. It was a beautiful day, blue skies, and plenty of beer at the finish. Some dreadfully slow play by the Cheap Hookers, El Grande and the Bears near the end of the field created a situation where the entire field might not finish, and scores would be rolled back. Those drinking for hours awaiting the results became intoxicated, and disorderly, in a very fun way. It was a band of drunken Jackals that were in deep disagreement with any roll back scenario. The final foursome finished in the dark, aided significantly by several players who re-parked their cars positioned to shine light on the 18th green. It was crazy. Slicer Nation, No. 1, was pitted against No. 2 Irons & Woods in most of their matches at High Bridge. When all the rounds were completed, and it was pitch black, scores and points were processed. It was like being in the War Room, all scores laid out on the well lighted table, many crowded onlookers, and low, and behold, Slicer Nation and I&W were tied in points for the entire Regular Season Tour at 158 points a first in Mission History. The Slicers had prevailed by a tiebreaker provision. (Story AGB s Edges Slicers cont d after box scores) Storm Postpones Saturday Play AGB Storm Troopers Squash Wheel Chairs Slicer Nation Edges Links 2-1 Big Mac & Moore Shine STAFF WRITER Professor Go Go (CLIFTON, NJ) The Halloween Storm that rocked North Jersey with 16 inches of snow in Chairman Arthur Moller s hometown of Ringwood, New Jersey, was

2 merely a harsh rain storm down at Sea Oaks near Atlantic City. A bunch of Missioneer s who had trudged down to the first round at Sea Oaks, became ship wrecked at the facilities, when round one was called. Many of us had hotel reservations at the Sea Oaks Inn, and decided to ride the storm out at Sea Oaks, and duck the Honey Do List of the bosses up North, who wear skirts. It was a unique situation that turned out to be quite enjoyable on my end. It was a whole Saturday with no responsibilities, and no wife, or 10-year old trying to steer my day. No soccer games to attend and no nagging wife, shouting at me for attempting to discipline a most unruly little red-haired-fluffer, who is one damn good soccer player, and is well behaved when she gets her way. We had a very good lunch at Sea Oaks and debated politics afterwards. I seemed to side most with the viewpoints of Johnny Wack em Seuberth when it comes to politics. Hell, neither poltical party gives a rats ass about the people. A politician s chief concern is reelection, period, and those that wax its mighty coffers get the spoils Democracy to the highest bidder. Shelby Smith a.k.a. Shelbosorous Rex or Baron Von Smith, seems ultra conservative, despises most government regulation, and has very polished debate skills. Shelby, although condescending at brief moments, is a very bright guy, and very interesting. I like being around people that you can actually learn things from. I have to find him an important role in this organization. Following lunch, we had happy hour at 4pm on Saturday in my room at the hotel. Baron Von Smith, Russell The Machine Ebelherr, and myself, made a quick stop for beer. Russell s selection of Samuel Adam s Oktoberfest was a huge surprise, and a most excellent choice. About eight to ten people showed up for Happy Hour, and we gunned down some beers, argued about golf, and enjoyed each other s company. The one issue that continues to dominate conversation is the selection of tees in competition, and this will indeed be a top issue on the shelf for our 2012 Winter Meetings. Since Saturday s first Round was rained out, I called Rules & Regulations Chairman, Jim Pacelli and Senior V.P. Congressman Steve Simon, and came to the conclusion that the best way to handle a Saturday Rain Out was to do what we felt a professional league would do under this scenario. Round One, of team play would be scheduled for Sunday, October 30, and Round Two Individual Play would be scheduled next week for Saturday, November 5. The aim was to change things as little as possible. The World Series has always positioned team play before Individual Play. If individual Play went first teams could be eliminated before the second round, and that opens a nasty can of worms. With team play first all teams enter round two with chances of winning. On Saturday the first group out posted the best scores of the day, and played in 4 hours, 35 minutes. Rookie of the Year, Kevin Big Mac McCormick, and Captain Mark Moore of the Links would shut down the Admiral & Tommy Jumpsuits, of Slicer Nation, in the A-Team Matches on the 14th hole. The Big Mac, who Professor Go-Go anticipated was a big game player, lived up to Go-Go s hype, and exploded on the front nine from those blue tees with a two under par 34 (-2). When 9 holes were behind them, the Big Mac, a very popular and charming rookie, had 7 pars and 2 birds. At the turn Captain Moore and the Big Mac were up 6 points in their match, and posted a net 29. The Big Mac went on to post a , net 71, and Commander Moore, of Livingston, NJ, posted the lowest net score of the field at 70. Their team score of was six strokes better than any other team on the afternoon. In the B-Match Up s between Slicer Nation and the Links, Reverend Jack Callahan, and Killer Kelly took down Johnny Seuberth and Congressman Simon on No. 16. Carol clocked this group 29 minutes behind, on a day that was marked by slow play for groups 2 to 5. The first group had no pace issues. In the C-Match, Nicholas Hallway Vasta, and Edward Pahati, of NYC, and representing The Nation, beat Pete Rush and Steve Sarno in the tighest match of the cold afternoon. They did so by a tiebreaker since they pushed on points during their match. So Slicer Nation takes a 2-1 lead against the Links, going into Super Saturday, November 5. Professor Go-Go was spot on with his predictions concerning the AGB and Irons & Woods confrontation. Sgt. Major s well heeled AGB s had just too much talent and game for Captain Russell Ebelherr, and his Geriatric Irons & Wheel Chairs Brigade. The Professor figured the rain would soften the track, and a cart path only policy would work against the Wheel Chairs. The course

3 would lengthen playing to the AGB s favor, and all that walking to stray shots would wear these old timers down. Mr. Ebelherr, 76 year young, and a former minor league baseball player in the days of his youth, did do a wonderful job this season of getting his cranky old men to the World Series. Now at the Series, they should relax and smell the roses. His recruiting of youngsters like Shelby Smith, Pete Barba, and Alan Marshuetz is a step in the right direction, but the Wheel Chairs of Destiny coined by Baron Von Smith, seems like a pot dream now that they trail all teams by at least 23 strokes. They could win the Series, but the chances are so remote that if they do win the Series, Professor Go-Go vows to walk home from Sea Oaks by foot. I will bring the red converse sneakers Larry Stetz of the Bears bought me in 2009 when I vowed to walk home if his hopeful Bears acceded to the throne. In the C-Match between the AGB s and I&W, Sgt. Major Neas and the Sock Man closed down Fast Freddy and Gentleman Jim Rosteck on 16, and a glance of the score card recorded that the AGB s were never behind in this match. In the B-Match Ups, Walter Bearse and Baron Von Palazzolo thoroughly squashed Carl Mazzo and the fairweather Marsh Man, like a child who steps on a bug. Mazzo and Marsh, who both cards the worst net scores of the field, collapsed to the canvas on 11, out of gas, and 13 points down at the turn. Carl may have been lucky at his second home, The Borgato on Friday night, but his luck turned on the fairways in Tuckerton. Baron Von Palazzolo s thoughts on the round, and his match: On Sunday at Sea Oaks we played Alan Marshuetz and Carl Mazzo of Iron and Wheelchairs..Nice guys and very enjoyable to play with as everyone knows.but on this day with my partner Walter Bearse it was no contest The conditions of the course were very wet and soggy, and kind of cold for most players including myself, but with the 400 pieces of clothing I brought with me I found a combination that kept me warm along with a heated back patch, it caused a very short backswing but I was warm Alan and Carl on the other hand said this weather was not for them, and unfortunately it showed Walter and I had the match in hand from the very start winning points on almost every hole in the match and come the 11th hole we were up by 15 points and that s where the match ended it took poor Alan and Carl to the 17th hole to win their only 2 points of the match, and we ended up winning by 23 points overall.i am happy for us and the AGB s and feel for those guys cause I know first hand MANY times over how it feels to have a day like they did WE all had a good time though and look forward to playing with them at any time. In the final match of the day, Johnny Cave Man and Dutch Van Vliet, of Sgt. Major s Storm Troopers sent Baron von Smith and Mr. Barba to the canvas on 16. Dutch and the Cave Man, I believe are undefeated this year as a two-player team. What a phenomenal year for Baron von Smith who became a prestigious 20-game winner in a rain shortened 25-game season. Shelby is headed to the West Coast to his home town in San Diego, and will not suit up for the Wheel Chairs this Saturday, which is quite a loss for the Chairs. As a kid, Mr. Smith, played center for his high school basketball team, stepping in the foot stone of, and replacing the spot left vacant by the great Bill Walton of the UCLA Bruins, who was a scrawny young kid with a stuttering problem, when Shelby knew him way back in high school, many moons ago. Next Saturday s finish should go to the wire, and the Professor is sticking with Slicer Nation to repeat, however, it would come as no surprise if Sgt. Major s talented troops would go all the way. Upon further review, the AGB s look very deep. So deep that their tough new rookie Fernando Valencia didn t even suit up for action in the team clashes. Fernando, a 24 cap, has been very hot down the stretch, and pairing him with Sock Man or the Cave Man would have been a nobrainer move for Professor Go-Go had he been calling the shots. In team play, the strongest teams have wide handicap spreads. Being a Captain is no easy task, and especially come post season, when you must decide who is in, and who is out. You never win a popularity contest in that position. I aim to do things to reward the Captains next year. They certainly play a critical role in the league. We aim to establish Captain s Meetings in the upcoming year, suggested by Mr. Neas to get the pulse of each, and every team. The Links lacking balance will fall by the way side on Sunday in Individual Play, and Russell s Platoon of Grandfathers will be lucky to avoid being the first team to lose all 9 matches. I like the Wheel Chairs; they do

4 have great heart, but are over matched by the young bucks in this 2011 Moller Mechanical GMA World Series. As a matter of fact I saw all the I&W mates the other day at Walmart. They all were driving around in those motorized shopping carts looking for great bargains. ROUND ONE: TEAM PLAY SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30 2-PLAYER BEST BALL MATCHES Scores Match A-TEAMS: Acton 9-Geddes 9, SLICERS V.S Lost McCormick 5-Moore 15, LINKS Won B-TEAMS: Callahan 10-Kelly 14, SLICERS V.S Won Seuberth 15-Simon 9, LINKS Lost C-TEAMS: Pahati 7-Vasta 11, SLICERS V.S Won Rush 17-Sarno 10, LINKS Lost A-TEAMS: Barba 10-Smith 12, I & W. V.S Lost Garland 5-Van Vliet 14, AGB s Won B-TEAMS: Mazzo 10-Marshuetz 12, I & W. V.S Lost Bearse 11-Palazzolo 14, AGB s Won C-TEAMS: DeMartino 22-Rosteck 17, I & W. V.S Lost Neas 13-Socci 2, AGB s Won TEAM MATCHES Won Lost Tied SLICERS V.S LINKS IRONS & WOODS V.S AGB s TEAM STROKES A B C TOT SLICERS LINKS IRONS & WOODS AGB s NET RANKING Net Gross T1 Mark Moore 15, W. Links T1 Steve Sarno 10, W. Links Kevin McCormick 5, W. Links Edward Pahati 7, Slicers John Geddes 9, Slicers T6 Pete Barba 10, I&W T6 Eddie Neas 13, AGB s T6 Kevin Kelly 14, Slicers T6 Dutch Van Vliet 14, AGB s T10 Mike Palazzolo 14, AGB s T10 Walter Bearse 11, AGB s Jack Callahan 10, Slicers T13 Tom Acton 9, Slicers T13 Jim Rosteck 17, I&W Steve Simon 9, W. Links T16 John Seuberth 15, W. Links T16 Steve Socci 2, AGB s Nick Vasta 11, Slicers Shelby Smith 12, I&W John Garland 5, AGB s T21 Fred DeMartino 22, I&W T21 Peter Rush 17, W. Links Alan Marshuetz 12, I&W Carl Mazzo 12, I&W ROUND TWO: INDIVIDUAL PLAY SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30 INDIVIDAUL MATCHES Scores Match A MATCHES: Eddie Neas 12, AGB s V.S Lost Pete Barba 10, IRONS & WOODS Won Kevin McCormick 5, LINKS V.S Won Con Finn 15, SLICERS Lost B MATCHES: Steve Socci 2, AGB s V.S Lost Alan Marshuetz 12, IRONS & WOODS Won Mark Moore 14, LINKS V.S Lost Kevin Kelly 13, SLICERS Won C MATCHES: Dutch Van Vliet 13, AGB s V.S Lost Carl Mazzo 12, IRONS & WOODS Won Steve Simon 9, LINKS V.S Lost John Geddes 9, SLICERS Won D MATCHES:

5 John Garland 5, AGB s V.S Won Ed Nitch 21, IRONS & WOODS Lost Dan Mulville 13, LINKS V.S Lost Jack Callahan 9, SLICERS Won E MATCHES: Mike Palazzolo 14, AGB s V.S Tie Edward Alexander 12, IRONS & WOODS Tie Steve Sarno 10, LINKS V.S Lost Edward Pahati 7, SLICERS Won F MATCHES: Walter Bearse 10, AGB s V.S Won Russell Ebelherr 16, IRONS & WOODS Lost Peter Rush 16, LINKS V.S Lost Tom Acton 9, SLICERS Won Player A: Barba 74 Player B: Marshuetz 79 Player C: Mazzo 75 Player D: Nitch 86 Player E: Alexander 72 Player F: Ebelherr 74 4 WINNING LINKS Team A: McCormick-Moore 60 Team B: Simon-Seuberth 69 Team C: Rush-Sarno 67 Player A: McCormick 76 Player B: Moore 75 Player C: Simon 77 Player D: Mulville 93 Player E: Sanrno 85 Player F: Rush TEAM MATCHES Won Lost Tied SLICERS V.S LINKS IRONS & WOODS V.S AGB s TEAM RANKINGS Net Total 1 AGB s Team A: Garland-Van Vliet 69 Team B: Bearse-Palazzolo 66 Team C: Neas-Socci 68 Player A: Neas 75 Player B: Socci 75 Player C: Van Vliet 78 Player D: Garland 71 Player E: Palazzolo 72 Player F: Bearse THE SLICERS Team A: Acton-Geddes 68 Team B: Callahan-Kelly 69 Team C: Pahati-Vasta 66 Player A: Finn 77 Player B: Kelly 72 Player C: Geddes 73 Player D: Callahan 74 Player E: Pahati 73 Player F: Acton IRONS & WOODS Team A: Barba-Smith 71 Team B: Mazzo-Marshuetz 79 Team C: DeMartino-Rosteck 76 AGB s Edge Slicers (Cont d from p. 1 & updated November 8) As discussed in the previous story by Professor Go-Go, which detailed the first round of the Series, the famous Halloween Storm postponed play to a point where the Final Individual Play Round was pushed back to Saturday, November 5 at Sea Oaks Golf Club. On the night prior to the last round, a few of us headed down on Friday night, the 4th. Since the Sea Oaks Inn had no vacancies due to a wedding, Missioneers were on their own concerning last minute lodging. The Professor booked a room at the Sea Horse Motel, in LBI, 5 miles north of Sea Oaks. A quaint old-fashioned motel room on the second floor, with a large Sea Horse decoration in the shower, at a place where if you paid close attention you could faintly hears waves from the second floor balcony of the nearby Atlantic Ocean. I love that smell of salt water in the air, and enjoy the simplicity of the Sea Horse. The Premier Scotsman was also headed for the Sea Horse with a reservation, but getting there around 9pm, he arrived at deserted hotel, on a deserted island. The Scotsman had to room elsewhere. Professor Go-Go and a few others would later meet up at the Borgata s Gypsy Bar. Go-Go mistakenly thought the Gypsy Bar was called the Whiskey Café. The Professor may have tipped one too many in his day. Chairman Moller arrived in his modern threads and chains, and we all had a blast. The best of this evening became the two,

6 kick ass bands, and meeting up with this lovely Jewish Princess named Alexandra. She was a gorgeous girl with flowing dark brown hair, awesome lips, and beautiful choppers. I wished to be 20 years younger. Her boyfriend was very gracious, a master of patience, and a very nice guy. Alexandra was mixing it up with us all, the consummate sales person that she is. She is a golfer from Princeton, New Jersey, and her and her dad, an avid golfer, run a coffee business. They sell the best organic coffee around, and the lovely Alexandra is the marketing end, and I can understand why. Beth figured correctly that she was Jewish by the way her man was under tight control. The highlight of the night was Alexandra s pursuit of Grateful Beth on the Dance Floor. They both were bumping chests, spooning, and grinding, and Alexandra seemed to be entranced by Gratetful Beth. Alexandra locked on to Beth s eyes, and seemed to be burning with passion. Two young and voluptuous young ladies had a lot of the crowd attention. Oh, La, La (To be continued once I get player feedback).

20th ANNUAL PIGSKIN Stanton Ridge Golf C.C.

20th ANNUAL PIGSKIN Stanton Ridge Golf C.C. Team Start GMA Non Team Team Team Finish Rank Hole Index HDCP Pt. LAST NAME FIRST TEAM Out In Total Match Aggr. Pts 1 5A 13.0 14 Gundlach Bill Moonshiner's 31 27 58 1 137 3 5A 12.7 14 Rojek Peter Moonshiner's