From the Desk of the President

Transcription

1 Summer 2010 GMOT Newsletter Week 4 From the Desk of the President Jessica Jersey Pyle This week in kickball looked like most other weeks in kickball. Great job to the winners, better luck next time to the losers, and at least everyone makes playoffs right? The team spirit award this week goes to the team formerly known as Pitches ain t $h*t, who did a tribute showing who they WAKAff to. 7 Wasted Talent vs. Donkey Ballers 4 4 Ballaholics vs. Red Blue Blur 1 4 Kick in the Grass vs. 99 Problems 5 5 Kick Start My Heart vs. Kick in the Balls 0 1 Memphis Mafia vs. Living the Dream 3 3 Stains vs. WAKAffs 0 13 Beastie Balls vs. Chocolate Salty Balls 1 8 Balls on Top vs. Shake & Bake 0 (Sean is in Alabama let s make fun of him) Now I did find it a little disturbing that Mr. Amazing himself didn t make a single one of those photos. Could it be the WAKAffs only wakaff to each other? Or is Josh s stock of AMAZING finally taking a plunge? I hope it is the latter and maybe there will be some room at the KOTH table when his head shrinks. (FYI, Sean likes to wakaff while watching the Golden Girls) And while we are talking about last week, let s bring up Red Blue Blur. really?!!?? REALLY?!?!!? I feel like I don t even know you anymore. Where is the team that once bet $100 to play some full cup flip cup for USA? Where was Neil with his special active wear WAKA shirt? Where was Ji gone wild late night? Where was Gary s little boy (cause he is so freakin cute it s actually why I go to kickball)? Just let us know when you are ready for a rematch. Full cup style. We will even let THAT GUY ref. (FYI, Sean drinks Mike s Hard Lemonade while playing drinking games and actually likes getting iced!)

2 Creeper Update Michael Henn is recovering nicely. He should be back in New Orleans sometime in the next week. Should you wish to bring him some get well gifts you can find him at the Dirty Dorm, down the street from Parasol s. His favorites include milk, novelty romance DVDs, Gran Torino (obviously, he is friends with me), video poker, and tops from Forever 21. Again, if anyone would like to fill in as the Audubon Resident Creeper during his recovery, please let me know. (Sean loans Henn his tops from forever 21 once a week) It s not goodbye. It s just let s get drunk later this month Paul Zimmer of KITG is also heading out for quite sometime. This means we will neebs someone to fill in as the LA Crescent loser who leaves by 8:20 and only has one beer kickballer. This position is just one day a week with the possibility of more hours in the future. Pay is an Ed Hardy koozie. If you are interested in applying, please see me. What an f n idiot. We all know kickball comes first. Sorry Jersey, real work comes first. (Sean gets pedicures when he has real bad Goldmine foot) We also bid a fond farewell to Jessica Taormina. You all might remember her from her bday a couple weekends ago or from her cameo in that Spring Break 2008 from Cancun DVD (just kidding about the 1st one). Seriously, she will be missed as well but will be back for playoffs. When you see her there, get her VERY, VERY DRUNK. (According to Sean s pedicurist, his favorite color is neon pink)

3 Be warned another big couple weekends here...this Saturday is our sister league LA Bayou s Charity Auction at the Rusty Nail from 7 10, next weekend is White Linen Night, and the following is Red Dress Run and Dirty Linen Night. UGH. I should probably be sleeping now in preparation. (Sean has so many red dresses he can t decide which one to wear) Oh and last but not least, I know you all haven t heard about my drunken escapades in a while. Well, today I woke up wearing nothing other than my kickball socks and holding a pizza crust. Yeah, it is going to a fun day at work. Jersey When I have a night off from kickball I like to go to Port of Call and drink Monsoons Pyle

4 Flip Cup and You Dear flip cup nation... Greetings from the Hale sisters.. It s been awhile, but somehow Sam convinced us to write the newsletter (probably because shake n bake beat BOT ooh yeaaah) 2 Wasted Talent vs. Donkey Ballers 3 3 Ballaholics vs. Red Blue Blur F 3 Kick in the Grass vs. 99 Problems 0 3 Kick Start My Heart vs. Kick in the Balls 2 1 Memphis Mafia vs. Living the Dream 3 1 Stains vs. WAKAffs 3 3 Beastie Balls vs. Chocolate Salty Balls 0 1 Balls on Top vs. Shake & Bake 3 This week was filled with well I wasn t there... and Jen was beer wench so we don t know what happened but from the scores... congrats goes to Donkey Ballers, shake n bake, beastie balls, kick start my heart, living the dream, WAKAffs, and kick in the grass for glorious wins and the most difficult game of the week goes to da ballaholics for what we know was a tough game considering they played themselves. Also did I mention Shake n bake opened a can of WHOOP ASS on BOT beating them 3 1 Somehow 2 teams still have a 0 4 standing.. what a blur of wasted talent Some of you guys have really questionable flips.rumor has it that you will indeed lose your hand and become a human centipede.. (see attached link.. thanks to mezzic who is sick enough to know about this movie) It was on like donkey Kong for the ballers they proved that they really are wasted talent! USA vs. USA?!? Apparently red blue blur hates America and didn t even show up for this match.. oh well more practice for you guys!

5 Did you smell a delicious, crispy smell after that flip? it s not your beer.. it s just a little Shake n bake bitches! Usually us hales don t play games where balls fly at our nose and neither do beastie balls they wanted no salty balls near them and neither do we. Not only do kick in the balls get kicked in the balls.. they also get kicked in flip cup.. sorry guys better luck next week.. Living the dream.. you lived your dream tonight by beating the king.. WAKAffs flipped some ass and stained the STAINS tonight.. 99 problems and flipping is apparently one.. kick in the grass mowed your ass QOTH Week Four Again, Ya'll showed us why Monday Nights is the besting flipping league out there, here are your week three top four... QOTH Week Four Champion Joanna I won, but I pulled a Hammy Martinez

6 Second Place Becky I m thinking of Sammy P. right now Neeb Third Place Erica The Human Slinky Martin

7 Forth Place Joy "Grams taught me all I know about Flipping" Bruce Until next week stay classy wakanation Beau I drink nyquil for fun Armagnac Jen chicca chicca bitches Hale Krystal I have an addiction... to dollar stores Hale Sam if I want a pork chop, I get a pork chop Provenza

8 You heard me I said WTF?!?!? What are you an F n idiot?!?!? My dog is smarter than you WTF? With Rosie Hey there! Last week, as a few of you may know, the People in Charge of the Newsletter ran a little piece I wrote about how to deal with a DWI checkpoint. As a member of the Thursday league, I write a regular column which is not nearly as informative or pleasant as that last article. However, due to positive response, I decided to submit some stuff to the Monday Night Newsletter. Hopefully, it amuses you. I will be providing my insight into all things kickball, and maybe a few things which aren t but definitely need to be addressed by a bastard like myself. Hopefully you will enjoy reading my random thoughts and opinions. WHAT THE FUCK is up with the absence of a sink in the men s room at Grits? Its bad enough they lock up the one shitter in the place, they can t give us a place to wash our hands? And in case you didn t know, that is a working throne. The initial speculation was that it was defunct and used for storage. However, through some keen sleuthing, we discovered that a) there was nothing stored in there other than a commode, and b) it apparently is the private receptacle for the fat bearded gentleman that guards the door. So apparently two things you can t do at Grits if you re a dude is take a dump and wash your hands. Now rumor has it there is a sink somewhere in the back corner. But if you ve got to walk all the way across the bar to wash your hands, is it really worth it? And isn t it easier to wash the piss off your paws with the sweat of a frosty bottle of beer? Last week s observations tell us Josh from Balls On Top thinks so. By the way, I love the fact that the one place in Grits for a guy to take a steamer has a padlock on it. FYI, dudes, Decker lives across the street and word has it his shitter is pimped out to the max. It is Decker, after all. Is there any doubt he has a kicking throne? WHAT THE FUCK is up with the umpiring? The oversensitivity amongst our crew of blue is very disconcerting. Now, as most of my team is painfully aware, when I see what I believe to be a bad call, I don t hesitate to call the offending umpire/referee out, usually incorporating several curse words as I rant about the, in my clearly superior opinion, obvious miscarriage of justice on the playing field. This has elicited several reactions ranging from Shut up Rosey, to You re about to get tossed, Rosey to We are no longer friends. I have also been reprimanded for word selection. My response: Lighten up Francis! First of all, 94% of my invective is in jest and I would hope that applies to the rest of the morons arguing with the umps/refs. Second, and this one is really important, whenever I yell at an ump/ref, I always try to offer him/her a beer, either right then or afterwards at the bar. It is only right. Third, arguing with a referee or an umpire is part of the very core of sports. If we can t get p.o. ed at a perceived bogus call and exhibit our peturbedness in the form of a public tirade at the expense of another human being, what is the point of competing? No one told John Gruden, Lou Pinella, or Mike Ditka not to curse and yell at the ump/ref. Could you imagine that? I couldn t. And I realize that I come from a different generation than a good bit of you, but there was a time, before the pussification of sports, when we didn t coddle everyone on the field. Not everyone got a fucking trophy, not everyone got to play and every once in a while someone got yelled at. So for those of us that call a game, remember the very act of doing that exposes you to second guessing and a possible tirade. And at the end of the day, being told you are a fucking idiot won t hurt you. Look at me. I m in great health and is there any doubt that I m called an idiot every day?

9 Charitable Causes Kayla Charity Girl Stitcher Hey charity givers and kickballers. We are off to a great start this season. Congrats to Renee Jordan of Balls on Top for winning last week s bar tab. Be sure to read the entire newsletter to see who won this week. There seems to be some confusion about who gets credit for the bar tab raffle money so let me clear it up for you guys. The money for the raffle goes to the overall total for the league, not individual team totals for the keg. You guys need to donate to your team each week to be in the race for the keg. Keep in mind that our minimum goal this season is $ We can do it guys. I would like each team to donate something to the silent auction. Captains please let me know ASAP if you guys have anything. OK kiddos, go kick some balls Kayla (Charity girl) Race for the Keg Standings Week 4 TEAM Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 6 Week 7 Week 8 Total Memphis Mafia $50.00 $32.00 $24.00 $56.00 $ Shake & Bake $11.00 $60.00 $0.00 $8.00 $79.00 Kick in the Balls $0.00 $3.00 $10.00 $56.00 $ Problems $12.00 $0.00 $0.00 $50.00 $62.00 Beastie Ballers $0.00 $26.00 $5.00 $4.00 $35.00 WAKAffs $1.00 $25.00 $0.00 $0.00 $26.00 Balls on Top $0.00 $16.00 $10.00 $0.00 $26.00 Donkey Ballers $0.00 $23.00 $0.00 $0.00 $23.00 Da Ballaholics $20.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $20.00 Kick Start My Heart $0.00 $12.00 $0.00 $7.00 $19.00 Living the Dream $0.00 $0.00 $13.00 $5.00 $18.00 Swampstains $0.00 $1.00 $0.00 $0.00 $1.00 Kick in the Grass $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 Chocolate Salty Balls $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 Red Blue Blur $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 Wasted Talent $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 Totals: $94.00 $ $62.00 $ $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 $0.00 Season Total: $540.00

10 Notes from the GMOT Editor Dave The Newsletter wants You!!! NOLAmite Big Ballers and Flip Cup Callers Good Job to all the teams who submitted an entry this week. I ve been complaining about lack of participation lately, but we had at least one per match this week, so I can live with that. I hope that everybody has been able to find the link to the raffle drawing video. I was actually planning on making it harder and harder to find each week, but just moving it around seems to be good enough. Also big props to Rosie for his new weekly contribution, WTF with Rosie, that s good stuff my man. Even though I can barely get team entries each week, if any of you kids out have an idea for a weekly contribution, hit me up (nolamite@msn.com). We here at the LA Crescent Editorial Offices are always looking for funny and fresh stuff for the weekly newsletter. (Plus it may make you famous just sayin ) Finally, congrats to Neebs, Joy, Erica Duece, on their all Ladies Top 4 in QOTH that s friggin bad ass ladies Well that s about it from me, let s get to the Power Rankings and Team Entries See ya ll on the Fields Dave NOLAmite

11 By Anon E. Moose RK (PR) Team REC Comment 1 (1) BBaal lll llss OOnn TToopp (2) BBeeaasstti iiee BBaal lll llss (4) KKi iicckk SSttaarrtt Myy HHeeaarrtt (6) 9999 PPrroobbl lleemmss (5) SSwwaammppssttaai iinnss (3) 7 (7) KKi iicckk iinn i tthhee GGrraassss Chocolate Salty Balls (9) WAAKKAAffffss (10) Daa BBaal lll llaahhool lli iccss (8) RReedd BBl lluuee BBl lluurr 2-2 Consider Week 5 as the last week of your preseason schedule. After this you have KSMH, Stains, and Beastie Balls. Time will tell if you have what it takes for a 3 peat! Wow, dispatching of Chocolate 13-1, was impressive. I know you had a lot of frustration towards them but I didn t expect the 13-1 thrashing. This week brings the Blur so I expect a 5-0 start. So far, so good Kick Start. You are setting yourself up to take at shot at the division title vs. BOT in a couple weeks. Time to solidify yourself among the elite in this league! Beat Chocolate, lose to the Blur, beat KITG.hmmm, I m still confused with you. I wonder what 99 team will show up to the fields this week? Down a few key players and you still shut out the Wakaffs. Nice Job. And this week you have KITB so I see you having a 4 game win streak after this Monday! A tough bottom of the 5 th loss to 99. They are definitely an improving team, but this loss hurts you all badly. Are you in a sophomore slump? Or will you bounce back in time for the playoffs? Shake it off quick Chocolate. The division is probably out of reach at the point but playoff seeding is extremely important. Win the rest of your games to avoid a tough second round game. The Stains are tough and a 2-2 start to your season is very respectable given your schedule. Keep your heads up and win out from here for a solid playoff seed. Way to bounce back against the Blur and climb back to.500 for the season. But if you want to be above.500 you will have to earn it this week against Chocolate. The offense struggled this week and it cost you all a potential win. Don t sweat it Blur, it s just fun to see you competing! I would love to see you put up a fight against Beastie! Bring your A Game!

12 11 (11) Waasstteedd TTaal lleenntt (14) 13 (12) LLi iivvi iinngg tthhee DDrreeaamm SShhaakkee aanndd BBaakkee (13) DDoonnkkeeyy BBaal lll lleerrss (15) Meemmpphhi iiss Maaffi iiaa (16) KKi iicckk IInn TThhee BBaal lll llss 0-4 The offense seemed to find its stride this week with 7 runs scored. And the Talent that is Wasted is back to.500. And this week you play Shake and Bake. You can win this one. Wasted Talent!!! So this past week you proved that you are one of best/worst teams. But, this week you will get the chance to prove that you are better than that. Beat 99, and you will gain respect and move up the rankings. No Matt = No Chance against BOT. But you are still in the running for the most fun team on the fields award. Keep and up and get hammered vs. Wasted Talent this week! Winless this far into the season is unusual for Donkey. It s time to regroup and make a late stride for the playoffs. Oh yeah, please bunt! Tough loss Mafia and unfortunately this week doesn t get any easier with KITG. Load the base for Roger and you just may have a chance! The schedule isn t doing you any favors by bringing the Stains this week. Hang in there KITB! Things will get better. But hopefully you can find a way to score more than 1 run per 4 games.ouch! By Anon E. Mouse RK (PR) Team REC Comment 1 (1) BBeeaasstti iiee BBaal lll llss 4-0 A win over chocolate feels good no matter how far they have fallen, and next week shouldn't be a problem either, considering you are playing blur. So just get ready for week 6 when you play 99, it will be your first real test in a while. 2 (2) 3 (4) SShhaakkee aanndd BBaakkee Daa BBaal lll llaahhool lli iccss A solid win over BOT proves you are a force to be feared. Next week should be a breeze, but get ready for week 6, because Wakaffs are on a streak. But if you get by them then I don't see any reason you won't finish the season 8-0. A forfeit leaves things exactly the same as last week, you move up the rankings just because of other big shake ups in the flip cup world.

13 4 (8) WAAKKAAffffss 5 (3) 9999 PPrroobbl lleemmss (6) BBaal lll llss OOnn TToopp (5) SSwwaammppssttaai iinnss 8 (9) KKi iicckk SSttaarrtt Myy HHeeaarrtt I am moving you this far up for three reasons. 1.You took down Swampstains lll-l. 2.Joanna's big QOTH win. 3.You are actually ranked third in the official rankings. But you will have to win against Kick Start My Heart next week to stay up here, and then Shake & Bake is right after that. So you won the kickball game, and then lost the flip cup game, pretty weird. Just shake it off 99, get a win against Living the Dream next week, and get ready for Beastie Ballers, you will be one of the last chances to knock them down a notch. A disappointing loss to Shake & Bake, but I am not going to say I didn't expect it. But like everyone else, use next week to practice and really tighten up. You have three good teams coming up after that, and you will be the second best chance at taking Beastie Balls down. That was a rough loss, a really rough loss. And yes we know, Sean wasn't in town, so I will give you that...this week. But the only way you are going to move up the rankings is to not lose any more games. You keep going to brink in all your games, it shows you are teetering on greatness. What you need to do is take your flip cup team and lock them in a room with Emily for 24 hours, with nothing but tables, beers, and regulation cups. You would be unstoppable. But you really could beat Wakaffs if you play like you do in the playoffs, it would be a huge win for your team. 9 (10) 10 (7) 11 (14) 12 (12) LLi iivvi iinngg tthhee DDrreeaamm Meemmpphhi iiss Maaffi iiaa KKi iicckk iinn i tthhee GGrraassss Chocolate Salty Balls Good win this week! You have only lost two games, and they were against teams both ranked in the top three. You have another hard game next week against 99. But after that things should be pretty easy for you, just build on your past games and you will continue to get better. Well you are still.500, which is still great news for the mafia. The not so great news is that you are playing Kick in The Grass next week, and they are coming off a huge win. Put them down and you will be one step closer to a winning season. A win that big throws you to the top of the bottom of the pack. But really, amazing win!!! Keep it up next week and you will see yourself moving up even more. Well you lost to the best, so your not moving down any. And next week you play Da Ballaholics, a win against them is really the only chance you have left at redeeming yourself to your previous glory.

14 13 (11) 14 (14) 15 (15) 16 (16) KKi iicckk IInn TThhee BBaal lll llss DDoonnkkeeyy BBaal lll lleerrss Waasstteedd TTaal lleenntt RReedd BBl lluuee BBl lluurr 0-4 Well you lost to a better team, so you can't get upset about that. The problem for you is that most teams are the better team. The best thing you can do is practice, try a little game called, F your S#it. You got a win and that is great, what would be even greater would be to take home a win from BOT next week. It sounds crazy, again Kick in The Grass just took down 99, so you never really know. Sooooooo close, Sooooooo far away. The rest of your season is going to be brutal. But look at it this way, if you do win a game, it will be huge. Just like Wasted Talents Awesomeness. A forfeit is super lame, that is all I have to say. *** This spot is for Sale for Charity Once Again, Inquire at the Charity Corner For More Information*** Hey Moose, did you watch the QOTH this week? Well actually Mouse, I did Those ladies have got mad skillz

15 Wasted Talent 7 NO SUBMISSION THIS WEEK (WAAAAASTED SPACE) Donkey Ballers 4 Before we get to the week 4 action, a small retort is in order. Being called out not one, but two weeks straight by the steroid needles deserves a little reaction. Regarding the so called bunt by the Donkeys: Maybe it was, maybe it wasn t, nobody really knows. To be honest, it doesn t really matter. We re donkeys, and we can do whatever the f k we want and not look back. You know you re identity, and we know ours. and we fell 7 4, extending the losing streak to 4. Still no victory, but again, there were positives in the game. We now know what we need to do, and feel pretty confident our moves will finally pay off. With another loss in the books, we headed to the flip cup table looking for revenge, desperately seeking to get any kind of victory. We set up shop, practiced, and let the cups fall to determine our team. We were extremely confident with the 5 donkeys we threw out there, and were ready to finally, get into the win column. The match didn t start out great, losing the first round, but we stormed back to take rounds 2 and 3. Once again on the verge, we lost round 4 for the second straight week to force the decisive round 5. With large chants of Full Cup! careening off of the walls at Grits, we would gladly oblige. Wasted, however, couldn t stand up to the challenge, although the round started with 2 half cups. Fortunately for us Donkeys, we know how to actually drink beer while playing flip cup, and we took an early advantage. You ll never see a needle kick. Moving on to week 4 action, with Wasted Talent coming to town, we knew there was a decent chance to get the first win. Nothing against Talent, but you re not known for bunting to oblivion. Props to you guys for that. Back to the game, despite the enthusiasm and readiness, the first inning was our downfall, giving up 6 runs. We won the game from there on out, but those 6 runs were just too much, Owned, Donkey Style! With the early lead, we kept up the pace, and it was never really that close. Finally, the last cup landed, and we could finally celebrate our first win of the season. Weeks of frustration had finally come to an end, and the party had really begun.

16 D. Ballers cont. A sea of green and a roar from the crowd. Even though it was just one small victory, it was a giant step in how our season hopes to unfold. It really does seem that each team really steps up their game when they play us. Makes it a lot tougher, but I wouldn t have it any other way. After so many close calls, and some pretty bad officiating these past few weeks, the breaks are bound to start going our way, which leads me to the featured story of the week. Karma Definition the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation. Now, what does Karma have to do with Kickball? Well, as has been the case in the past, the cheap, bunting teams are again rising to the top. Sacrificing the good of the game, for a cheap pop. As far as we re concerned, if you re not going to Vegas, then all these bunts are for naught. All of the transgressions are adding up, and you all need to start making lists to atone for them, just like friend of the Donkeys Earl Hickey. proclaim himself an honorary member of the Donkey Nation, standing tall for the right to kick that bouncy red ball. Take note, masters of the bunt. With so many bunts rolling around the WAKA fields, it s only a matter of time before it catches up to all of you. Whether it s a pulled hamstring, a broken leg, or an all night drinking bender which leaves you waking up at Decker s house thinking you play on Thursday nights instead of Monday nights, your deeds will not go un punished. Sometimes Earl had to learn the hard way that taking the easy way out isn t the best way to go about your business. We mentioned our plight to Mr. Hickey, and he sympathized with our cause. He was happy to

17 D. Ballers cont. Mr. Hickey himself, proudly supporting the green of the Donkey Nation. Having said all that, now it s time to issue our first challenge of the season, to our week 5 opponent, Balls on Top. Or is it Bunts on Top? It could really be either one. 2 time defending champ BOT, our challenge to you, should you choose to accept it, is play this week 5 game and beat us without manbunting. You re the 2 time defending champs, and we re the 0 4 Donkeys at the bottom of the power rankings. Surely, we don t pose that much of a threat, do we? Why don t you all prove your worth by trying to beat us the clean way. If you beat us by bunting, big deal, it s happened before. Seems like all bunting teams can do it. You d be nothing special. But actually kicking and beating us, well that would actually mean something, and you d get all the respect in the world from us. The choice is yours, BOT. Do you rise up to the challenge? Or do you cower behind your bunts in front of the entire league, like a bunch of chickens? Your call. More than likely, you ll back down and continue to bunt, just adding another item to your list.

18 Da Ballaholics 4 Red Blue Blur 1 NO SUBMISSION THIS WEEK

19 Balls on Top 7 Shake & Bake - 0 Kickball.won.yay!!! Flip cup.lost.boooo!!! QOTH.qualified.yay!!! Now on to the real news of the week. Josh agreed to share more of his amazing lines with us. And remember kids, use these with extreme caution.you ever seen an Axe commercial? Yea, it s like that! NO SUBMISSION THIS WEEK Josh s Top 9 Lines of the Week: 1) I m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight. 2) Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? 3) Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 4) Didn t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew 5) Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I? 6) You know, if I were you, I d have sex with me. 7) I ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast. 8) Hi, I think your friend is really hot. Do you have a ride home? Or is it just gonna be the 3 of us? 9) Santa s lap isn t the only place wishes come true.

20 Beastie Balls 13 Chocolate Salty Balls 1 NO SUBMISSION THIS WEEK

21 Kick Start my Heart 5 Kick in the Balls 1 Kick Start will not be submitting the usual newsletter this week. The team is mourning the loss of its favorite member, Prick. Prick's life was tragically cut short Monday night when he was hit by a drunk driver while walking home from Grits. Police officers said the driver reeked of alcohol. During questioning, the driver kept flipping through pages 4-6 of last week's newsletter and would only answer questions with "WTF?!?!" Police were not able to arrest the driver for DUI, however they did arrest him for vehicular manslaughter and said he will likely spend the rest of his life in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Please keep Prick and the entire Kick Start family in your thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time. NO SUBMISSION THIS WEEK

22 Memphis Mafia 1 Short this week, kids, but definitely worth your while. The Mafia played our closest game yet this week against Living the Dream, who was also winless entering the game. Things were tight, like the King s band during the Vegas years, until the final inning when the Dream was able to rally and go up a couple of runs. The Mafia fell short again in the realm of kickball, but succeeded, as always, at having the best time of anyone in the league. We nearly had a full team this week, with only one or two no shows. The more Kings and Queens, the merrier. Rookie Becky I got your balls right here Smith gave us a break out game, snagging balls from the air with the greatest of ease. Jamelyn Frodo Trucks used her bare instep to drive in the team s only run. And in Memphis Mafia play of the game, in her selfless efforts to maintain the Mafia rally, Sarah Dozer Tippens stormed to first base on her sole opportunity of the evening and sported a head first dive into the base. Ohhs and ahhs emanated from the crowd at the splendor and grace. Let it be known, Sarah, that we like you. We really, really do ; ) Like alcohol? One dollar buys you a raffle ticket to win the weekly free bar tab for 50 smackeroos. AND, the money goes to charity. (Editor s note: click me to see the drawing for the Week 5 Bar Tab Winner) Finally, let s be clear about something. The Mafia is planning on taking home the keg, which is awarded to the team that gives the most for the season. Maybe we ll share with you, but not before we ridicule you with callous prejudice for not giving more. BPPLLLLTTTT!! C mon, steal this keg from us. We double Hound Dawg dare you!! Peace til we drink again. Now go out there and TC some B. Living the Dream 3 NO SUBMISSION THIS WEEK In closing, be reminded, LA Crescent, there is a charity we support: Krewe de Camp ( Our league s collection is coordinated by Ms. Kayla Charity Girl Stitcher. She usually sits in the back corner of Grits each and every week, during Flip Cup. There are many incentives where you or your team could benefit. Any LSU fans out there? How about a timeless keepsake from their last championship team? You have a chance to win this by giving.

23 Swampstains 1 WAKAffs 0 The Stains won our third game in a row as we beat the Wakaff s 3 to 0 in a fun matchup Offensively, Blake was our star as he reached home plate twice. Fritz, in an attempt to copy Blake s aggressive running style, tripped on his way towards home and almost fell on his face. Sadly, we didn t score on the play, but it was great fun to watch nonetheless On the defensive side of the ball, Sloane made a great catch in center field and Ross made some great stops at first base Well we lost in kickball this week to the Swampstains so let s keep this brief and celebrate our success. 3 1 win in Flip Cup guess we know where our strengths were this week! This week we WAKAFF to: This week we missed Sean being in the lineup and the Hump watch continues as we wait for our beloved Hump to once again grace us with his presence at the plate In matters pertaining to flip cup, the Stains continue to be hot and cold. The Wakaff s beat us 3 to 1 as we keep looking to find our stride Next up for the Stains is Kick In The Balls Deuccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this week s Queen of the Hill!! Congrats Deuce, keep up the incredible flipping we should all strive to be like you! What do for pleasure? WAKAFF! What do we do for fun? WAKAFF! Who do we wakaff to? DEUCE! What do we do when we wakaff? WIN!

24 Kick In the Grass 4 99 Problems - 5 So, we lost our game this week to 99 Problems in extra innings but, hey, it was a Full Moon anything can happen! We kept our heads high, and reminded ourselves that what really matters are the PLAYOFFS and bar presence, of course. What we lacked in numbers, we made up for in spirit and awesomeness at Grit s. We managed to pull off our first Flip Cup victory of the season thanks to Pete s ability to down a full cup of beer in seconds. Riding on the high of our victory, we ll be sure to off the Memphis Mafia next week! We re not just good looking and athletically gifted; we ve got a big heart, too. So to reach out to troubled kickballers everywhere and give them a place to anonymously share their questions, we introduced 99 Problems Answered. Here are the burning questions from this week s mail bag: Dear 99 Problems Answered, What is the best way to get grass stains out? Stained 4 Life Dear Stained 4 Life, (Tryonis? Is this you?) Well anyway, I m not really the best person to answer this. You should probably ask a team member from Kick in the Grass, since it is very likely they have the same problem as you do, after losing to 99 Problems on Monday. Don t get me wrong, KITG was a tough opponent and they came from behind to tie up the score, sending the game into an extra inning. But Melissa seemed to live up to her nickname and she Skeet Skeet Skeeted all over the D s face in overtime, allowing Rosy to cross home and secure the winning run. Good luck getting that out. All in all, it was a great game and congrats to both teams for playing hard and keeping it exciting. Dear 99 Problems Answered, How can I beat the summer heat in these record temperatures? Hot as Balls Dear Hot as Balls, Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Drink plenty of fluids as often as possible. Margaret illustrates this in the picture below: CAUTION: Do not agree to go full cups in the following situations: 1) If your opponent is the man in this picture Æ 2) People call you Baby tino

25 99 Problems cont. Dear 99 Problems Answered, Do you believe the phrase, Good things happen to those that wait? Ballsy Believer Dear Ballsy Believer, I most certainly do Week 4 resulted in a 3 1 Record and Neebs gave her team another QOTH qualifying spot!! Great job 99Problems!! It s your season!! Kicked into the stratosphere but. Wait for it wait for it Yeah that s what we do. Keep dez balls outcha