Hello Kickballers! Come find me next season and I promise you a personal flip cup challenge. Love, Your GMOT Editor. Always ready for flip cup

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1 Hello Kickballers! I hope you have some tissues nearby, because I have sad news this is the last GMOT of the season. I m sad too, and I have no idea what I ll be doing with my spare time now. But, I ve made this edition extra special with loads of pictures from the epic Super Saturday, kindly provided by your teammates and captains. The ensuing photos and write-ups will rekindle fond memories from the evening, or help you create the memories that were lost somewhere between drinking on the Mall at noon and partying in the basement of Kelly s until the wee hours of the morning. On Super Saturday, there was victory and defeat; drenched clothes and nakedness; Halloween costumes on dogs and Mall cops on horseback; booze and, well, more booze. What a day! What a way to end an amazing season! I hope you enjoy this final GMOT. I had a great time getting to know many of you, and I want to offer a special thanks to my dedicated GMOT authors, without whom there could be no GMOT. Also, thanks to those who made shenanigans happen; you kept things interesting in each edition. I hope to see you back on the fields next May for the start of kickball season, and in the meantime, keep those drinking skills up to par in the off-season. Come find me next season and I promise you a personal flip cup challenge. Love, Your GMOT Editor Always ready for flip cup

2 Prezidential Address Fellow DC Empire Kickballers! This season was one filled with good games, good times, and a hell of a lot of DRINKING! I want to thank all of the teams for making this season enjoyable and something that I'm sure we all looked forward to on Thursdays. Congratulations to Pistachio Bashio for winning the Regular Season and earning an invite to Vegas for the 2010 Founders Cup. Also congrats to Looking To Score and GSA Ballers for placing 1 st and 2 nd in the Tournament, earning their Vegas invites as well. My sincere congratulations go out to One Balls, Two Balls, Red Balls, Blue Balls for winning the regular season Flip Cup championship by going undefeated, but most importantly, when it came down to it, they could not beat the Sonsapitches to make it into the championship match of Flip Cup at the tourney. Thus, Sonsapitches (HELLS YES!!!) went away with the Flip Cup Tournament Title. Enough ranting and raving and let me end with these thoughts: I thank each and every one of you for helping make this season enjoyable and I hope that you all found it as much fun as I did, to the point where we can all come back together next year and battle it out again. Have a good year and we hope to see you next fall!! Charles Owens Prez

3 SONSAPITCHES When we started out the day, we thought, ok, we're going to make it back to the finals no problem. I mean come on, we were facing a short handed Something To Do With Balls team that only had the minimum 8 players! They were a team upon which we had previously opened up a can of whoop ass to the tune of 17 0!! There was NO WAY they could beat us in the opening game...then things changed. Somehow every single ball that we kicked ended up going right to one of their players, and what seemed would be a walk in the park sadly turned into turmoil that culminated in a 6 0 defeat. Needless to say, we were all pissed, but even more so, confused. That was the end of our day of PLAYING kickball. But of course we couldn't just leave, we still had mimosas and beer to drink, thus a good chunk of our team stayed around cheering on other teams and drinking to our hearts content until the Finals. When the rain started to come down, everyone left, except for our fearless three referees who were determined to continue drinking and wanted to see the championship game happen, even in the wind and rain. I can say that if you missed the championship game, you missed a naked man (and yes, I mean FULLY naked) run the bases in the middle of the 1 st inning in the raging storm. He rounded first, rounded second, did TWO somersaults into third, and then performed a very well executed but also seemingly painful slide into home (something that I could have done without seeing). Concerning the End of Season Party and Flip Cup Tournament, due to our unfortunate performance in the Kickball Tourney earlier in the day, we were determined to bring home the glory in flip cup. Having most of our ringers on hand, we felt confident that we stood a good shot at taking it all. But before any of that could happen, we felt that we needed to get drunk. So, feeling this overwhelming urge to drink our sorrows away and loosen our flipping fingers, we summarily (as I'm sure everyone else did) began consuming copious amounts of free alcohol. Apparently this worked, because our first game went off without a hitch, but that meant we were going to face our nemesis/friends the Blue team of One Balls, Two Balls in the semis. We knew this was going to be a battle for the ages, and with the mandate of winning the Flip Cup Tourney as a whole, we knew we had to take care of business (as they had beaten us 4 1 in the regular season match up). Somehow, all of our cups fell into place, the flip cup stars aligned and to the tune of Down, Down, Down, Down, Down we dispatched the ever impressive Blue team and moved onto the championship game. If you were by the flip cup tables, I'm sure you heard the incredibly loud cheering that ensued. But with one more match to go, we had to keep our game faces on. Who was our opponent in the finals? None other than that same Something To Do With Balls that had somehow beaten us like a batch of redheaded step children earlier in the day. Knowing that we needed to avenge ourselves and reclaim our dignity, we summarily went to work and won in a straight three games! Our dreams realized we partied the rest of the night like it was It is immediately following this milestone in our team's history that I begin to forget what happened. I know these 3 things: I was walking around with maybe 12 medals around my neck, I was drinking out of 3 pitchers at once (and using said pitchers as my cups), and there were quite a few of my fellow teammates who were dancing with each other, I don't know who they were, I just know they were on my team. One must understand that at this point it was around oh...10:30 and I was nearing the end of a three day boozefest that had commenced at 6:30 on Thursday, and I was running on six hours of sleep since Wednesday night. If I spilled beer on you, I apologize, but I'm sure that I was not the first or the last to have done so, and truth be told, you probably did so as well to someone else, so it's all good. I know there were shenanigans and hookups that occurred, I just can't remember how they went down, and I am sorry that I can't share that information. All in all, Sonsapitches had a good season, but we are not satisfied and will return with a vengeance next year. Hope to see you there!

4 ONE BALL, TWO BALLS, RED BALLS, BLUE BALLS On a shockingly rain free Saturday morning, the Balls assembled for one last time this season. Equipped with the now traditional gin bucket, very strong jell o shots, warm tequila, and lots and lots of heart, they set out to win it all! Fortunately, we were so poorly ranked that we had a play in game against the Pink team. Swell. Both teams got off to a fast start with the Pink team scoring four, and the Balls scoring three in the first inning. Then, somehow, in the bottom of the fifth inning, there was a scoring debacle. After some negotiation both teams were amazingly able to reach agreement the score was definitely six and ahalf to seven. No, seriously. We were down a half a run in the bottom of the fifth. With some nifty defense, the Pink team was able to put away the Balls Bummer. Seeing as the Pink team went on to win it all, and we lost to them by merely half a run that means we re basically second place right? Sure, that ll be it. So it s 12:30, we re on the Mall, and we have enough liquor to kill a horse (which is appropriate considering the horse cops roaming around trying to stop all the drinking). Obviously we weren t just going to go home, so we sent three refs to the Pistachio/Pink game and continued drinking heavily. After some time, Dave had a brilliant plan. It involved targeting our drinking to one individual in order to persuade him to do something a bit crazy. So out came the tequila and then the gin bucket with a game called Drink That s when one Balls team member delivered what was easily the single greatest performance of the season nay, the year. In a cleverly devised plan, the Balls teammates created a protective ring around (for the sake of his privacy, he will be referred to as the Naked Man) Naked Man and allowed him to sufficiently de robe. The plan was executed flawlessly. As soon as a pitch was released in the final game, Naked Man tore out of the ring and let loose a booming kick. He continued streaking toward first base screaming One Ball! As he rounded second he boomed Two Balls! On his way to third he dove into a flying somersault and unleashed Red Balls! Then with reckless abandon he slid into home with a defiant Blue Balls! That s right. At approximately 3 p.m. on a rainy Saturday afternoon, Naked Man successfully streaked the bases adjacent to the Washington Monument. Immediately following the graphic display that was the Naked Man, the skies opened wider and immediately drenched DC and everything near it. After realizing that the booze was the only thing running dry, the Balls decided to turn in for the day. Now came time to see if the team could pull off the all important rally. The Balls went home, dried off, warmed up, and napped off a boozy afternoon. Part II started earlier for some than others. It was three Balls and Pistachio holding down the fort at Kelly s for at least the first hour. As people finally started to arrive, it didn t take long for things to get nutty. Probably the most painful part of the night was actually picking just five people to play flip cup for our UNDEFEATED team. Everyone on the team was more than deserving of a spot. After a round of survivor, the final five was set, and confidence was high. Round one against the Yellow team was a breeze, with the Balls taking the match 3 0. But Round two promised to be a showdown, with the Balls matched up against the dreaded Black team. The Black team dominated the Balls in the first two games. Charles and the ladies of the Black team were on fire and it was clear that the usually A+ game Balls were possibly only at their B grade. All the Balls were struggling, and with no ability to sub, they felt destined to lose. Game three came as little consolation to the Balls who then collapsed again in the fourth game. So that was it. It was over in a flash. Fortunately, the Black team went on to win the finals 3 0, which made the Balls feel a little better. Same as kickball right? We lost by the smallest margin, so that makes us second place? Sure, that ll be it. Not to mention, we had 8 weeks of being undefeated; that s pretty damn impressive, and it s a lot of beer. We ll be back for reveeeenge next season. (Also, final Prez v. Editor score was 10 5 Editor see you next season Charles.) And on the plus side, we walked away with trophies! We re kind of in love with them.

5 (I d like say here that one gent from the Blue team who unfortunately needed to leave the party early somehow forgot that this was the LAST kickball event. I know, he s a blockhead right? But in doing so, he missed his last opportunity to ask out a lovely lady from the Black team tragic. UNTIL he had this bright idea to ask ME, the GMOT writer, to put in a plug for him. So here are his words: (ahem) "Dear Kim, I like you and I think you re pretty. Would you like to go on a date sometime? yes no maybe".. considering the medium through which he s asking her out, that s not too shabby. I d go for it. Obviously for the sake of privacy, I won t be releasing his name here, but I bet she knows who it is. I believe they spoke right before their teams threw down in flip cup. Anywho, Kim, if you ARE interested, just e mail the fella at tmatm85@gmail.com with your answer, and thank me later. And a quick apology to everyone else if you bothered reading all of that.) Of course, with all the games over, and the trophies and medals awarded, there was nothing left to do but party our faces off. We can never quite keep up with those crazy Pistachios, who we ve grown to love, but a few Blue Balls stuck it out til the end, hanging with the usual party suspects, Pistachio and Pink. It was great to be back in the basement of Kelly s, with its questionable odors and sticky floors. Thanks to Megan for planning another great party and getting great trophies/medals. Oh, what a night! Oh, what a season! The Blue Balls, and their now legendary Flabongo, will be back in action next year, and we hope to see you out there too! PISTACHIO BASHIO Horse shit is a Dish Best Served Pink Oh, glorious Super Saturday, what high hopes Pistachio had for you. It s too bad that that a group of sandbagging sons of bitches (of the pink variety) got in the way of destiny. First seeded Pistachio s game against the eighth seeded Pink team was competitive from the start. Our foes started strong with two runs in the top of the first. Pistachio roared back in the bottom with runs scored by Joe Tiny Dancer/Wastoid Cottrell and Tony I played a perfect game/i m a huge asshole Trzeciak. The score would remain tied for the remainder of regulation until the bottom of the fifth inning with both teams playing strong D and Pistachio s own Sam I m going to fuck your shit up with my pitching repertoire Rosen throwing magic on the mound. At this point, all Pistachio had to do in order to win the game and cruise to its deserved championship was bring one run home. On cue, DC computer gets a base hit, Lindsey.5*Grindsay Lones Jones advances Computer to second and takes first for herself. I would love to tell you all what exactly happened next, but it s hard to discern events ocularly when there is blinding light in your eyes. You see, the hand of God is bright. On the next play, when a Pistachio player kicked a ball into right field, said hand came down and guided a circus throw by a Pink player onto the outstretched ankle of Lindsay as the was lunging for safety on second base. Simultaneously, DC Computer was rounding third on his way to victory. With that third out, the dagger plunged into the collective heart of our team. Pink went on to score some sort of bull shitty run in the first OT inning, and we followed that up with three pop out bunts (seriously guys?) to end the game. All in all, an entertaining game with a poor result. Shout out to Pink for playing well, you guys sort of deserved to win. The burn is made less severe by the fact that you ran the table. We ll be better prepared for you next season.

6 Redemption Part Deux: In typical Pistachio fashion, we would not let disappointment last long. Another kickball party would once again provide a stage for redemption. To be honest, the end of season party was pretty much a shit show from the start. Pre gaming for open bar is always a brilliant idea. The inappropriately early dance parties, free beer, and strong decision making flowed again like wine? A few themes permeated the day/evening: 1. Losing Shit. Throughout the course of the day members of Pistachio lost the following items: a kickball game, a set of keys, an iphone, a flip cup match, trophies, dignity, and a camera. Some of these things were found, most were not. (Thanks to Raine for finding those keys and some random cab driver for finding the iphone and not extorting the Pistachio member for its safe return) 2. The Pistachio Dance Machine is Strong. Most of us did not eat a balanced dinner, and OMG did it show on the dance floor. We were not just the first team on the dance floor, we were the only team on the dance floor for most of the evening. Nothing like the old booze/dance rager combo to get those heart rates up, kids! Fun side effect: d ancing for hours with alcohol infused blood is not good for muscle recovery. (Please note: Even though we dance go go, that don t make us hoes, no.) In the morning, most Pistachio players felt like they had run the marathon that was going on outside in the city. (Shout outs to Grace and Eduardo for actually waking up and running the 10k Sunday morning you kids are fucking crazy.) 3. The Pistachio Bond is strong when we re up, and even stronger when we re down. For those of you who missed this, there was an epic, touching, heart wrenching show of team camaraderie displayed when a Pistachio lady took a Miller fueled spill while trying to execute a high difficulty dance move. Without pausing, the Pistachio team decided to join our fallen Pistachio on the floor, continuing the dance party at her level. That s love, baby: sharing in each other's lives and living the good and the bad together, as a team. Basically, we re Rudy, all over again. In conclusion, we had a great time playing in the Thursday night Empire league. Pistachio pissed off many of you with our antics, but also met a ton of really cool people who actually enjoyed our shenanigans. If anyone wants to join Pistachio Bashio for the next season, we will be accepting applications in the spring. Tryouts will consist of a dance circle, a flip cup test, jersey customization event, and a swimwear portion. All successful applicants will be danced in, and once you re in, the only way out is in a coffin since we re a gang and all. See you all next year! This week s GMOT brought to you by The Hanover Research Council LOOKING TO SCORE This proud captain would like to thank the 11 AWESOME players and 1 FANTASTIC manager/scorekeeper/dog watcher/cheerleader who showed up on SUPER SATURDAY despite the dreary weather to help Pink obtain the crown of all crowns: The Fall 2009 WAKA DC Empire Division Kickball Championship!!! As with our only regular season win, every single one of our 11 players were instrumental in each of our wins on Super Saturday, from the play in game, which we regret was not without controversy, straight through the championship game. It was a Pink kinda day and even the absolute downpour that started during the second inning of the championship game wasn't enough to bring us down once we got on a roll!

7 Super Saturday started off like no other...bagels, mimosas, and screwdrivers a plenty...ok, maybe plenty of other Saturdays have started off this way, but who's counting? Besides, this one was different. This Super Saturday brought together a bunch of Capitol hillers, Hopkins grads, various government and military employees, and a couple contractors most of whom had never met before August. The Pink (a.k.a. azalea) team may have been a mish mash of many smaller groups, but what's the point of kickball if not to meet as many new awesome people as possible while attempting to prove that you're good at something most 4 th graders have mastered? So we didn't have the greatest regular season, but lucky for us, that's not what counts. The day started with a play in game between regular season rivals, Pink and Blue. Pink was off to a quick start, but Blue was able to keep up. There was a dispute over the score, which required both teams to agree upon a.5 point split going into the bottom of the 5 th to determine the winner. If Blue scored one run, they would advance. If Pink could hold Blue to no runs, Pink would advance. Pink was able to make three quick outs in the bottom of the fifth, leading to a quarterfinal match up between Looking to Score and Pistachio Bashio, regular season champions. As a side note, we were glad to get to meet and talk with a lot of the Blue team players throughout the day and at the party. You guys are pretty cool in our book. With our lessons learned in game one, we took on Pistachio in game two. Each team scored two quick runs in the first inning followed by scoreless 2 nd through 5 th innings, carrying us to extra innings. Pink was able to kick in a run in the top of the 6 th and headed into the bottom of the 6 th ready to defend. Pistachio was able to get some players on base to make things interesting. There were two outs and Pistachio had players on 1 st and 2 nd. The ball was kicked out toward second base, but Pink was not able to come up with the catch. As the runner from 2 nd rounded 3 rd confident that he was destined to score the winning run, Pink literally threw out the runner approaching 2 nd by tagging the player with the ball, thus ending the game in a very dramatic fashion and paving the way for a championship match up between Looking to Score and GSA Ballers, to whom Pink had been forced to forfeit in the last regular season game. The championship game was not without excitement either, but this time it didn't have much to do with the play on the field. Booze, booze, and more booze may have played a factor in a guest streaker who razzled and dazzled with his running, jumping, tumbling, flipping (and flopping), and sliding as he rounded the bases in the second inning of a game that Pink had already been running away with when the rain just erupted from the sky. It seemed as though the booze, rain, streaker, and run deficit proved to be too much for Yellow and the sloppy celebrations began in either the 3 rd or the 4 th inning when the Yellow captain could no longer muster her crew to withstand the torrential rains. It was a valiant effort, Yellow team captain...guess not everyone loves pretending they're still five and really enjoys playing in the rain quite as much as we do! With a late showing by Pink at the party, our four players in the flip cup tourney did not fare so well in the play in game against Yellow. Despite jumping out to a quick 2 0 lead, we lost some steam and Yellow was able to rally to capture three straight wins to advance to quarterfinal play in the tournament. Great comeback Yellow, we congratulate you. No worries, though. As per usual, Pink was much more interested in getting to the dance party that had already begun. All in all, we had an awesome time wall to wall on Saturday and throughout the entire season! We would like to extend a hearty thank you to season leadership for all of the work they put into the league to keep things fun and, of course, to keep the beer flowing. Without you (and the bar...aaand the beer...aaaaaand the shots) things may have actually remained in hand, but out of hand is wayyyy more fun! And Erin, you had a thankless job, but you kicked ass at it! Hats off to you for being so incredibly pushy we felt no other option than to comply and I really do mean that in the nicest possible way. You rock!

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10 True Team Love: Sharing Beer

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