THE BALL STREET JOURNAL

Transcription

1 THE BALL STREET JOURNAL Summer Season Monday, August 8, 2011-LA BAYOU $1.00 Strip kickball is alive and well. Careers, pg. 5. Shark Week Highlights When TJs attack! Science and Nature, B3 Hugs. Not just for puppies anymore. Friendship, 17A Reasons not to miss the bar: NKOTHOTB. Hangin tough. Music, 12D. New kickball advice show to be launched people have questions. McManimal and Fullen in the Morning. B97.1 FM Guaranteed to see at least 1 naked person Shotshotshots! Learn the right way to play FYS Practice your planking Chicken fingers with ranch dressing Who doesn t want their feet to stick to the floor After hours dance party Shotshotshots! TCB baby. More Elvis sightings at Audubon Field. Music, 15D

2 LA BAYOU 2011 Summer Week 5 Dear Kickballers: Because I had to leave early this week (stupid work, stupid being responsible), I missed most of the shenanigans that apparently occurred Wednesday night. However, thanks to modern technology and the development of CSI WNK, I was able to piece together exactly what happened Wednesday night. CSI: Wednesday Night Kickball It all started with some mysterious Icings... Who could be responsible for the night s mishaps? 7:15 p.m. The icings begin. 8:45 p.m. Kickballers realize Triyonis is missing from his usual table top dancing spot. 9:20 p.m. Squirrel s wallet goes missing. 10:17 p.m. The icings continue. 11:45 p.m. Someone s pants come off, and don t come back on. Warrick Brown examines for biologicals. 12:47 p.m. Bloody crime scene reported. Dr. Albert Robbins investigates and concludes that it is just Rum-soaked watermelon.

3 1:23 p.m. Kickballer s keys are nowhere to be found. Gil Grissom steps in to search, to no avail. He does, however, locate her missing bike. Suspect provides detailed alibi of whereabouts for the morning in question, thereby removing himself as a suspect: Thursday morning: 6:30 am six Advil and half a bottle of day-quil; drink all the water and convince myself it's ok to not refill the pitcher 8:30 am damage check (body, phone, facebook... in that order) 9 am search for car 10-10:30 am stagger into work; coffee; coffee 11 am delete any fb posts made during the preceding six hours 12:30 pm decide to work from home for the rest of the day 4 pm drive uptown to get debit card from grits Wallet is found, keys are located, pants are returned to their rightful place. Tune in next week to find out if the recent rash of icings are perpetrated on the icers, and whether kickball finally locates its dignity. TO BE CONTINUED... Enjoy yourselves, and see you on the fields!! Autumn

4 LA Bayou Vice President Joe McManus Sup Kickballers! This will be a fun filled week! The Saints begin preseason play this Friday! Red Dress Run is Saturday! (I need to get cracking on finding a dress) And most importantly, AA meets BB on the field this week! I do believe there will be boxed wine duct taped to some players arms. Feel free to stop by and watch the madness. See You at the Fields, Joe M.

5 Dear Umpire, Recently I have been wanting to overthrow the ball thus effecting my other love affair with kickball. What should be acceptable boundaries with this crazy affair with overthrow? Big Baller Dear Big Baller, There is only one way to handle your affair with an overthrow No Rule 10.07a defines an overthrow as a ball thrown, kicked, or deflected into foul territory while making a defensive play toward a player or base; therefore a misplayed catch of a ball directly off the kicker s foot does not qualify, since it is not a defensive play towards a player or base. Similarly, an attempted defensive play that sails into center field does not restrict the runners either, since the ball has not entered foul territory

6 Hey there flippers, I m so tired of the rain. It sucks. That s why I m so happy flip cup is an indoor sport. Well so far this season everyone has at least one win under their belt. Wait what was that. Oh correction everyone but WAKA Morning Wood has a win. Come on guys you were better than this last year. I m not picking on y all; I just want to know what happened. Scores I m Rick James 0 3 A.A. Pitch Whiskey Kicks 2 3 Ernie s MCPOBWD 3 2 Roll Another Bunt B.L.U. Ballers 3 1 WAKA Mo rning Wood Kickin it Old 3 0 Ace of 2 nd Base School Balls & Winners 3 0 St. Mama Go Beer 2 Balls 1 Cup 2 3 Balls of Fury Scrub These Balls 1 3 Saved by the Balls KOTH 1 st Adam B.L.U. Ballers nd 2 Am y MCPOBWD 3 rd Eri ca A.A. 4 th TJ A.A. See y all Wednesday

7 THE ELITE AKA THOSE BANNED FROM FURTHER KOTH THIS SEASON (because they are already so awesome, qualifying twice and all) Mark V. Jeff O. J. Dupree Sean G. Josh L. Jenny B. Erica M.

8 Charity Best Charity week so far!! With the contributions rolling in we re on target for another great season! We ve raised over $1,000 so far and can t wait to raise more. Make sure you come see us at the circle table by the pool tables to drop off your charity envelopes, buy tickets for the 50/50 raffle and pay for spots in KOTH. We will be there until KOTH starts so make sure you stop by! Here s what happened this week... AA Balls & Winners Balls of Fury BLU Ballers My Couch Pulls Out Roll Another Bunt Saved by the Balls WAKA Morning Wood Whiskey Kicks Ace of 2nd Base I m Rick James, Pitch Kickin It Old School St. Mama Go Beer Weekend at Ernie s

9 2Balls 1Cup Scrub These Balls Let s keep up the good work! See ya on the fields and at Club Grits! Erica & KB

10 DICTATOR OF NEWSLETTERS Hey kickballers, hope no one got heat stroke this weekend. With the heat advisory in effect, I had to quit giving handjobs and start handing out blocks of ice with holes drilled into them. Thanks to everyone who submitted this week. With the weekly shenanigans we call WNK, there is plenty of stuff to fill the columns of your NEWSLETTER and the CLASSIFIEDS! As you know, NEWSLETTERS and CLASSIFIEDS are due to me via by 9 PM Sunday night. This week, however, I will be out of town and your lovely president will be putting the newsletter together. Please submit your NEWSLETTERS and CLASSIFIEDS to her at autietown@yahoo.com. Week Five: 2 Balls 1 Cup Ace of Second Base Balls and Winners BLU Ballers I m Rick James, PITCH! Kickin It Old School Roll Another Blunt Saved by the Ball Scrub These Balls WAKA Morning Wood Weekend at Ernie s Whiskey Kicks AA Balls of Fury My Couch Pulls Out But I Don t St. Mama Go Beer Linzifer

11 TEAM INTRODUCTIONS Our first team for week 5 is Ace of Second Base. A buncha noobies who play hard. Wait till they get their feet ground with some cleats, they could be a force to be reckoned with. Again, I really have to apologize, I forgot about the questions again. I may just scratch them, because I can t seem to remember to give them out.

12 Team 2 was supposed to be Roll Another Bunt, but I think I was looking for the wrong color so I didn t see them when it was time to take the picture. Think we can make it happen this week, guys? Also, Blue Ballers, what s up with not helping me remember to take your pictures? This is what you get instead. Next week, I ll be looking for Balls of Fury, and Scrub These Balls. I ll also be looking to make up the photo for Roll another Bunt. So Red, Yellow, and Brown! I ll be looking for you! Dupree

13 We won t talk about the horribleness that was the game, because, let s face it, more important things happen at the bar. Like the ass whooping I m Rick James, Pitch got at the tables

14 Coldblooded.. Bang, bang! Also, Shout out to Erica and TJ for making it to the top in KOTH!

15 BALLS OF FURY-week 5 We had some problems keeping our eye on the ball. Some of our players got the flu, and called in sick. Other players decided to go surfing instead. One handed catching didn t seem to be working. And we only got one run. All in all, a pretty sad week. But next week we play Balls and Winners, and we heard that not only do they wear short shorts, but they are a lot of fun. So bring it tiny shorts team, let s have some fun!!!

16 The My Couch Pulls Out But I Don t WNK Photo Album Erica bends over to wave to a midget and suddenly gets tag teamed Beka assumes shit talking position, takes years off the life of her knees. Anyone recognize these? Dustin poses with the captured kocc kickball

17 Due to the overload of bear-like sexual content, our original article was not able to be published. Instead, please enjoy this photo journal of our weekend. + + Nicole s White Sangria GOLDMINE =

18 Dear Jersey: I am playing for a different team this season, and every time I see someone in my old team colors I get confused. I miss them, but they're also the competition. Can I still be friends with my old team? Sincerely, Color Blind on Carrollton Dear Color Blind on Carrollton, The three rules of kickball are - 1) Get wasted shit faced 2) "Make Out" 3) MAKE FRIENDS And TJ, if you miss us so much you shouldn't have left. Love, Jersey

19 WEEK SIX SCHEDULE:

20 CLASSIFIEDS MISSED CONNECTIONS HOLLA You: Playing FYS. Me: Elbowed out of the way. Wish I could have fucked your shit this week ANNOUCNEMENTS Your friends got one. You know you want one. Don t be left out in the cold get your LA Bayou drawstring bag this week. $5 all proceeds go to charity!! Rumor has it there may be some Saints tickets available in a raffle this Wednesday Happy birthday, Lucas! Thanks to the girl who actually paid for her classified ad after she submitted it amazing! Just wanted to thank the dummy who threw up next to my car last WNK. While I had to trudge through it, at least you didn t hit my car. HAVE AN AD?? Lose a cleat? Want to holla at the hottie pitcher on the pink team? Throwing a party? Classified ads will cost you $1 (for charity!) and can be submitted to lmtubbs@gmail.com no later than Sunday at 9 PM or in person on Wednesday nights. All ads are confidential and subject to review. Responding to an ad? lmtubbs@gmail.com.